Estate Agents' Use of English

They make you cringe don’t they?

Bijou = small and cramped. Ideal for creating your own personal touches = hideous wallpaper.

If my memory serves me correct, was there once, in about the 60s an Estate Agent who actually used some derogatory descriptions, such as Absent’s, when selling property?

Yes, there was, OldMeg, but I can’t remember the name. It was very funny.

Ah, he was called Roy Brooks.

Our first house in Prestwich was sold to us by a man called Sidney Santhouse.
It was referred to in the particulars as a delightful quasi-semi.
It was a bog-standard two-up two-down end-terrace.

The details of what had been our family home a three bed semi that my brother paid for under mum's right to bucouncil

Hit post accidentally.

....right to buy, and had done a fair bit of work on, was described in such magnificent terms, I wanted to buy it.

Light and airy property ideal for DIY enthusiast = no roof.

Some years ago there was an ad for a property in the local newspaper which the agent obviously hadn't proof read because is stated "....next door to drug dealers". On second thoughts perhaps he thought that was a plus!!

The house I went to view last week has a garden with a "boarder" and "flour" beds.
When mine went on the market, I re-wrote a lot of the agent's blurb.

Situated in the sought after Acacia Avenue.

The word that gets me is ‘boasting’. It might be perculiar to around here, but the houses are often described as ‘ boasting a large kitchen, or magnificent gardens’
And, may I add, very disappointing when viewed!

When double glazing is mentioned as something unique or goodness me, the house has gas fired central heating- well there is a bonus.

A medium to large garden with scope for the enthusiastic gardener means a jungle.

Kitchen could do with some updating- original furniture untouched for 40 years.

When we were house-hunting there was one with "defused lighting" in the garage.

When we sold our last house after reading the write up from the agents I really wondered why we where selling as it was such a magnificent sought after property I felt like changing my mind and staying there.
My sons first house was described as having a rear old fashioned courtyard which in my younger days was known as a back yard,he did make it smart though with loads of wall planters and flowerpots but still a back yard.

I could annoyed by “benefiting/benefitting” (which is usually misspelt ) from things like a kitchen, bathroom, garden etc.

Suit cash buyer = no building society/bank in it's right mind would lend on this.
Period property = derelict and possibly haunted.
Rural = only neighbours are sheep.
Quirky = nothing matches and structurally distorted.

sparkly

As well as overblown hyberbole, estate agents take pics which make a ten foot kichen look like a twenty foot one.
‘Sought after location’ usually means hundreds of teenagers
Dropping their litter in your front garden because the school is just up the road.
‘New to the market!’ Means has been lived in by a very old couple for fifty years who haven’t updated anthing ( the house we bought!)Taken ten years to get it all done.

"Period fittings" in our case when we first bought our first house was 10" skirting boards throughout all fitted together from odd planks of wood then glued to fit,it took us months to replace and redecorate.

Situated in the sought after Acacia Avenue.
varian if only you knew how I longed to live in the tree-lined Acacia Avenue!
Sadly, we could never afford it.

lemongrove - close to the sought-after P**** Primary School means that the parents come and block your drive at 8.45 am and 3.15 pm every day!

'Ripe for Renovation'

That's ours.

We've just been to view a property today - pictures were very good - it looked in need of a little renovating but with a description of 'ready to move into'. We arrived to find it in a state of complete disarray with the previous occupants clothes and photos scattered all over the bedroom and living room, the 'en-suite' bathroom still had the disabled toilet seat attached complete with stains and both bathrooms and kitchen totally unusable. The occupant had sadly passed away but whoever is selling the property really should have cleared it out before putting it up for sale. Very sad and unsettling and definitely not ready to move into!