Malapropisms

If it was me, tell me! tell me!

Or me!

No, it wasn't you, jingl - stop trying to guess!

Nor was it you, Ariadne.

Now I am scared it was me! We use a few spoonerisms in our family, often started by children's mistakes, such as 'par cark' and 'chish and fips'.
I know there are some funny ones , but can't think of them (senior moment!). Ronnie Barker comes to mind, his sketches were so clever. Anyone got any humorous examples?

Why not inbox the culprit and then we would not need to guess (going to have a look at my inbox now !)

we all write malapropisms from time to time.
But they can be embarrassing... If it is me, you can embarrass away. If someone else I cannot predict whether or not they would feel humiliated. Depends how secure they are about their English I guess.
Spoonerisms now...
My ex SIL was once working on a switchboard (must have been 40 years back..) and she also used a tannoy, as in "there's a call for...". Just before she left to have a family she announced in a slightly flustered voice, to the amusement of the whole factory: "I've cooked your balls Mr Smith".

Annobel now you've got everyone scanning all the threads for Mrs Malaprop.....

Not really a malapropism but when my DD was training to be a nurse she was based in a day clinic and responsible for calling the patients through. Senior staff decided an initiation was in order and gave her the file of a Mr H Jarse to call through. 'Mr Jarse please. Mr Hugh Jarse. Is Mr Hugh Jarse here?'

Another DD referred once to an extreme allergic reaction as 'An Anaglypta Shock'

My touch pad has auto-correction which I had to turn off because it kept changing words into nonsense on my posts. Perhaps we should give the Mr or Mrs Malaprop the benefit of the doubt.

You could be right about that shysal. I haven't reached that pinnacle of sophistication yet.

Not really a malapropism, but I still remember the note from a parent excusing her child's absence by explaining that 'she had been under the doctor' all week.

I once had a spellchecker in work that picked up that I had spelled rellate incorrectly. It suggested that I really meant to start with an F...

JessM -

Oooooh!!*JessM*
DH used to have a manager at work called Louise, his spellchecker invariably changed it to LOUSE.

DS2, at the age of three, came running in from the garden to announce he'd seen an arsegropper.

From now on, that must be the name for them Ariadne.

When he was two, my grandson was encouraged by his grinning father to tell me what he had been doing at the stables today. 'Nana, I been riding a whore' came the innocent reply. Neglectful father couldn't be bothered correcting the poor child, as he found it such a source of amusement. Men!

oh I love arsegropper!
such chirpy little insects they are too

I have 2 friends who mangle their words frequently, much to my amusement.

One was telling me about a house that she loved because it had such panasonic views. She also hated having to wear her spare glasses because they made her look like Dave Haemorrhage (sp?). Took quite a while to work out that she meant Dame Edna Everage. Then there was the fish that she was warned about when on holiday in Egypt. Apparently, it was so dangerous that if you even touched one of it's utensils you could be poisoned............

The other friend recently had to have scaffolding up while her facials were being re-done.

Youngest Grandson could not say Hospital - he was so pleased I have come out of hostiple - word is still used by family 13 years later!

The MIL of someone I know was outraged that Pavarotti was invited to Princess Di's funeral because wasn't he to blame for the car crash....?

My In-laws had a few words that they could not get right. MIL could never remember 'hysterectomy' and called it 'ectastretna'. FIL, after retirement, was a car park attendant at Blenheim Palace where the posh cars were 'limerines' and Dormobiles 'dobermans'. These words are still used by the family.

Oh sal I really like those 2 words.
My Nana had 3 girls. So changing boy baby's nappies was not something she had done much of. But she really enjoyed helping out with my DSs
She used, occasionally, refer to my DH's "little peanut".

Not really malapropisms, but my eldest son used to call skyscrapers "skywipers" and, when he said he knew what to call people who made you cross, we all waited with baited breath while he put on a really angry face and shouted " you badger"