Daughter in law leaving

Oh Eileen how sad. You say that she's leaving the children behind, surely that means that you'll still have regular contact with them and your son? It would have been far worse if she was to take the little girls to Thailand.

Not worse for those children though! How is their father going to explain why their mother has abandoned them?

It's all very sad, but all I can say is just be there for the whole family, as I know you will be, Eileen.

Those poor children and your poor son, Eileen, you are going to have your work cut out being strong and practical help for them.

It might sound harsh but she sounds a selfish girl.

I agree Kitty what a dreadful thing to do. How could any mother desert her children like that, my goodness, it would break my heart!

Such a sad situation, the little girls won't be able to understand it. But better that they should stay in the country where they've grown up.
To be practical, your son should get legal advice asap. He needs to get full custody, in case she changes her mind and wants to take them.

Of course you're right Ana it's horrendous for the children. Awful for their father too. How any mother can abandon her children is beyond comprehension.

Not much help I know but we had a neighbour did this. Went off with a colleague of her husband leaving 3 young boys. He eventually married again and they had another son. She came back married and with a daughter who she paraded saying aren't I clever to have a girl? Karma struck when her 2nd husband had a heart attack and died when the girl was still small. The boys are grown up and married now but I don't know the relationship with their mother. All sympathy to you and all your family. Treasure the girls and make them as happy as you can

How sad for you and your family, you must all be feeling so shocked and upset by this bombshell. Legal advice for your son sounds like a good plan. All the best to you as you support him and try to provide much needed stability for your precious grandaughters

I think Thai culture is very different to ours , maybe this is why she can leave the children so easily . Girls are not valued at all I believe, and also can have a rotten life in Thailand . Others have said to get legal advice which is so important in case she changes her mind and takes them . So sorry this has happened to you and your son xx

You know everyone, you have helped me thank you,l thought no one would reply.This is why i cant sleep,how could she do this, yes she is a selfish girl. They sign tomorrow on the divorce papers and to protect the girls my son has made sure she signes for him to have full custody, but if she goes she goes, no return. She has packed the girls small clothes to take for her next family, can you believe. They have told the girls she is goingto look after her nanny said shes ill,they are ok with that but the next step we wil have to get professional advice. I would never have thought she would do this she has been a good capable mom, until she went to thailand on holiday to see her family 3 months ago. We are a close family and very close to the grand children we have always been in their lives.We will have to live very close to one another and support him.They both go to school.I am 65 so worried that l will cope (i have spinal challenges). My son just wants her gone now and says she can't mess with their emotions. No facetime etc; and the girls saying when you coming home mommy. I try and console myself thinking she doesn't deserve them if she can do this. But i just can't come to terms with her actually going. How can she be with them now knowing what she is going to do. She is not the daughter in law i once knew. i have been her surrogate mom. This is helping to put this to print, thank you to all for your input.

Yes ill protect them to the death, Margsus

I Know Ann these thoughts are driving me mad

She changed when she got back from Thailand and constantly on the phone, l somehow knew it was a man. No way on earth would they go to Thailand over my dead body. It's not a place for little children in the middle of nowhere, not speaking the language etc; etc;

One wants to be charitable and think that just maybe she is leaving them behind for their own safety/protection from who knows what but I really don't think that is the case here..

I hope things get better for you all once she is gone.

Thanks Tannith. She has a fantasie idea that it will all be like when she was 13 and thats the life she wants.To boot her grandmother and family think i have not been a good mother to her because i said how could she do all this and leave for a man. i think they are all a bit nutty, yes we will have to pull together so hard and get on with it. Hope all of you out there are ok anyway and thank you, xx

It sounds as if she was 'got at' by her family when she went to Thailand. If she is such an unstable character, your DS and GC may, in the long run, be better off without her, though it is going to take a lot of love from you and close family to let them know how much they are wanted.

I don't think it's fair to imply that Thai girls are not valued by their parents.

I'm very sorry for your distress, Eileen, and can only wish, as you do, that things will turn out allright for the little girls in the long run.

Three months is a very short time to have come to such a decision so some of my sorrow is for the mother too. Who knows what she is going through to do this and what the real cause is.

I think you and your son both need legal advice Eileen so you are prepared for anything that hight happen. I will just say that I have known two cases when mothers left their young children and had very little contact afterwards, and both fathers brought up happy children who grew up very stable and successful.

I asked her to please please get theropy before making such decisions but she won't.

How did they meet and where?

I know 3 young Thai women who left their spouse and children in a much more dramatic and terminal way as they couldn't stand the cultural differences and because they never felt they belonged or were treated as equals.

It is difficult to understand but it is very hard to leave your country and go thousands of miles to another country with worse weather and a very different culture and far from her family and all who are dear to her. Life at times must have been very difficult for her.

Going back to her home for a long visit must have been very unsettling and if her family missed her, had never met their grand daughters and wanted her home I can see that the comfort of being with familiar family whom she hasn't seen for many years must have been tempting; food, weather, close family and so many memories may have been so unsettling - then the old boy friend appears, by accident or design.

I hope that when she gets back she finds life back home has all the compensations she is looking for to justify walking out on husband and family. I suspect that when she gets back there living as a Thai citizen in her own country, she will find it is not as easy as she thought and she finds she no longer fits in, once the nostalgia for lost friends and romance has the bloom rubbed off by the banalities of everyday living she may well regret her decision. Remember all those rekindled romances on Friends Reunited that ended in tears?

I do not understand how she can walk out on her children they way she is doing so, but I can understand how a long visit home after, perhaps, a long absence, will have deeply unsettled her and led her to the decision she has made. I suspect it may not be all she is hoping it will be.

In vastly dissimilar circumstances a friend made a similar decision; to return to somewhere she had been happy. It was a disaster. The past is a foreign country: they do things differently there.

I do not understand how she can walk out on her children they way she is doing so, but I can understand how a long visit home after, perhaps, a long absence, will have deeply unsettled her and led her to the decision she has made. I suspect it may not turn out to be all she is hoping it will be.

In vastly dissimilar circumstances a friend made a similar decision; to return to somewhere where she had been happy in the past. It was a disaster. The past is a foreign country: they do things differently there.

Can I urge you to try get some professional advice maybe through this link www.bacp.co.uk/ to help you all cope, but in particular the children. They will soon feel huge bewilderment and loss, no matter how much you and the rest of the family love them.

Whatever the reason for their mother's decision to return to Thailand it will be important to support the children who will soon pick up on attitudes and half heard comments that things are not good or what they have been told. If you soften the blow with a white lie it could come back to bite you on the bum..that is why I urge getting good and experienced advice. I hope you all get through the next few difficult months with love and support.

Sounds like this is a bit of culture difference in part. All that aside your son and the children are going to need all the support you can give them. Professional help is a good idea too.
At least the children are staying safe with your son and family in the UK . For them to go to Thailand would have been so much worse.
It's going to be a difficult time, do hope you all can work through it, good luck.