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Everyday Ageism

Patronising comments about mature love

(31 Posts)
PetitFromage Tue 28-Jul-26 12:06:08

I am 67, was widowed six years ago after a 33 year marriage, utterly devastated, but very lucky to find love again two years ago. I and my 'boyfriend' ar very much in love, hold hands etc. But I am really sick of random remarks by strangers such as 'there's hope for us yet' - from a student, so sort of ok, to 'I hope I'm so in love at your age' - not from a student!

It's annoying and patronising. Why shouldn't older people be in love?

Doodledog Tue 28-Jul-26 12:12:20

No reason at all. I hope you and your partner are very happy together.

Sometimes people just don’t know what to say, and sometimes young people can’t imagine being older - remember we were once young, but they have never been our age 😀. Ignore the lot of them, and enjoy your love. 🥰

MT62 Tue 28-Jul-26 12:12:57

You keep holding on to your partners hand- they just sound jealous!

Harris27 Tue 28-Jul-26 12:15:13

I hold hands with my husband just in case I fall! 😃seriously though take no notice love is love and enjoy it! Be happy!

JamesandJon33 Tue 28-Jul-26 12:20:24

Very happy for you. DH and I have been married over 60 years, together 65. We still hold hands. Ignore the unintelligent, the jealous and the just plain ignorant. Enjoy and celebrate what you have. Good luck.

Magenta8 Tue 28-Jul-26 12:27:31

My MIL found love again after nearly ten years of widowhood. She was in her late 70s. There surely is no age limit. It was lovely that they found each other as they were very happy. I wish the same for you and your partner.

faringdon59 Tue 28-Jul-26 12:34:12

Society in general doesn't like the idea of older people being in love and they certainly don't like the idea of older people having sexual relationships!
It's all part of ageism I'm afraid.
This morning I've been for an annual review at my surgery and lost count of the times the nurse called me 'lovely' or said 'bless you'.
Maybe I should have blessed her when she took my blood pressure and then again for getting my blood sample at the first attempt.
I'm 71 and was working in the NHS until last year. Can't stand the use of these patronisations. Diversity is great and to be embraced, but it doesn't seem to be applied to older people.

Marg75 Tue 28-Jul-26 12:48:10

Slightly off topic, I love Hilary Boyd's books about love in the over 60s, they're really wonderful.

Gwyllt Tue 28-Jul-26 12:57:21

Jealousy is ugly whatever form it takes. Be happy !!

ginny Tue 28-Jul-26 13:01:58

I can’t actually see what you are objecting to PetiFromage. They seem perfectly nice comments to me.
I very pleased for you.

David49 Tue 28-Jul-26 13:19:11

I found a second love and yes we hold hands as a routine, we have been together 7 yrs now and have never had any negative comment, we certainly never feel self conscious about it.

Young just people dont conceive their parents or even grandparents being romantic, in our case it's very obvious

Baggs Tue 28-Jul-26 13:22:18

ginny

I can’t actually see what you are objecting to PetiFromage. They seem perfectly nice comments to me.
I very pleased for you.

Agreed.

Oreo Tue 28-Jul-26 13:24:16

It isn’t that you have found love again OP it’s the fact you’re holding hands, which many couples still do even at Golden Wedding age.
We sometimes hold hands but have never had any comments, but in any case I would have just laughed if we had done.
Am now tempted to have a public full on snog just to see if anyone reacts😄

Baggs Tue 28-Jul-26 13:25:34

Feeling patronised doesn't necessarily mean someone was being patronising.

You can let such things wash over you and enjoy your happiness. Would you rather people scowled and looked disgusted? THAT could be ageist and patronising.

Aldom Tue 28-Jul-26 13:35:23

I really don't think the comments are born out of jealousy. Nor do I consider the comments patronising.
It seems to me that people recognise that you are in love and say what they feel.
As I am someone who found love again after being widowed I think you should take the comments as compliments.
I wish you every happiness.

Astitchintime Tue 28-Jul-26 13:42:45

I don’t actually like holding hands with MrA……but having limited mobility I do have to have a little extra support occasionally. Not holding hands certainly isn’t an indication that a couple aren’t in love and the suggestion that some random couple are more in love than another couple just beggars belief.

Visgir1 Tue 28-Jul-26 13:54:29

All I can say is good for you... How wonderful to find someone after a long time on your own.
My Grandmother, in her 80's several years after my Grandad died met a gentleman they became inseparable in their later life.
They had many happy years together, she passed away at 89 he went 6 months later.

Dickens Tue 28-Jul-26 13:57:08

Oreo

It isn’t that you have found love again OP it’s the fact you’re holding hands, which many couples still do even at Golden Wedding age.
We sometimes hold hands but have never had any comments, but in any case I would have just laughed if we had done.
Am now tempted to have a public full on snog just to see if anyone reacts😄

Am now tempted to have a public full on snog just to see if anyone reacts

Please do that - and report back to us! grin

SueDonim Tue 28-Jul-26 13:58:39

I’d never comment on anything like that but inside I’d be thinking it was a lovely thing to see. Perhaps it gladdens people’s hearts to see other people so happy. ❤️

Oreo Tue 28-Jul-26 14:03:17

I will Dickens if him indoors is up for it outdoors 🤭

nanna8 Tue 28-Jul-26 14:10:02

We quite often hold hands, especially out walking - helps with balance apart from anything else. 67 is young, we have ‘new’ couples in their 80 s at our Probus club and they often cuddle up to each other. Just think, jealousy is a curse, when people make nasty comments!

Tuliptree Tue 28-Jul-26 15:27:35

I don’t see the comments as demonstrating jealousy or as being
nasty. Maybe wistful because of their own experiences?

Romola Tue 28-Jul-26 15:43:51

My DM found a new love at age 77. He was 80 and honestly they were like teenagers. Not wanting to mess up their finances, they didn't marry. It was great for us, we knew she was having the time of her life, apart maybe from being a WAAF in intelligence in WWII.
They had 8 wonderful years until she died. He was inconsolable and died two years later aged 90.

Labradora Tue 28-Jul-26 15:44:45

Doodledog

No reason at all. I hope you and your partner are very happy together.

Sometimes people just don’t know what to say, and sometimes young people can’t imagine being older - remember we were once young, but they have never been our age 😀. Ignore the lot of them, and enjoy your love. 🥰

Quite...........
On my 36th birthday , my elder sister sent me a card with the message " soon you'll never believe that one day you were this young" . The tone was wistful, not nasty and I have never forgotten it.
73. How did that happen ?
Don't worry about thoughtless remarks from a few strangers , Petitfromage . "We must all press on and rise above it." I can't remember who said that. It wasn't me I am just quoting it.

Norah Tue 28-Jul-26 15:52:43

PetitFromage Why shouldn't older people be in love?

They should be. You could smile and ignore daft comments.