Despair

Hello and a warm welcome to the estrangement forum. There are always mixed emotions when we see someone new, pleased that you've found this forum but sadness that you needed too.

It's heartbreaking to see someone we love in a coercively controlling relationship because, and I'm so sorry to say this, there's very little if anything you can do.

Where there's abuse, the abuser seeks to distance their victim from anyone who may try to shine a light on what's really going on. We believe this is what happened with our youngest son who we've now been estranged from for more than 13 years which also means having no relationship with our only GC.

The only advise I have is that you stop inviting them. This will stop your understandable upset when excuses are made for not coming and will take any pressure from your daughter from having to make them.

Try to keep any contact light hearted. Don't tell her you're sad, instead tell her what you've been up too and ask the same about her and your GS.

You say your GS's father is a good dad which is a good thing despite him not working and growing cannabis.

What your D needs to know is that you love her and are here for her which you can do by simply ending every conversation with 'love you'.

This forum is so you can share everything and anything else you need to talk about without involving your D, and there will always be someone here who knows precisely what you're going through because they've been through it too.

There's a private message facility if you want to share anything that you're not comfortable doing so on a public forum.

You're not alone and just knowing that really is priceless x

I am so sorry you are in this horrible situation.

I do think that the advice to keep your communications light and chatty is good. Hard, I know, but that is most likely to break the deadlock. She will not feel under pressure then.

Tell her about your week, ask about GS, send him good wishes.