Dilemma

Sorry to ask, but what is the life expectancy of the prospective parents?

Does your friend know what her s.i.l's parents think about this?

For the wife, normal I assume. Physically, she's healthy. She's a lovely young woman. Just a bit limited in some ways.

I'm not sure about the husband's family. Equally worried I should think.

It’s not really a dilemma, because the young couple have the choice, so your friend can’t actually prevent them having a child even though she may be concerned. If there any genetic risks they need to have counselling first so they understand the position. If there aren’t, presumably there is no reason why they wouldn’t have a healthy child?

Maybe my title was wrong. Perhaps it should have been Concerned.

I don't blame you for being concerned. We all know how a toddler or teenager can driver a person to their limits for patience and energy. Someone with limited capacity may struggle with problem solving skills.

Saying that, I know of a young woman with both learning disabilities and profound hearing loss who is a young mother. I was concerned when I heard she was expecting, but I am just acquaintances with the grandparents, so have not had any conversation with the GP about their concerns. As it turns out, she is the best of mums; very attentive to her young son, and I always see her out at swimming, soccer or community events. She manages very well, as far as I can tell.

Is it possible for the young lady and man to volunteer at a child centre or activity with young children to get a sense of their potential parenting skills? Will the grandparents be involved, and is there any possibility of their child inheriting their disability? Such a tough issue. Good luck to all of them.

Looking at some so called “normal” people including famous people like the millionaire drug addicts where the wife died of a drug overdose and her husband left her to decay for weeks ….. they had 3 kids and they weren’t taken off them. Look at the singer Matt Willis who was on TV last night who was addicted to alcohol and cocaine yet was allowed to keep his kids. Same with Peaches Geldof and indeed her Mother, Paula. What kind of upbringing did all of the kids involved get?

People with learning difficulties may take a bit longer to “get” things but they can love, care for and protect their kids.

We knew a girl with LD and when she got pregnant social services stepped in. They watched her like a hawk for months 24/7 so she was constantly on edge but her parents supported her and her baby and they thrived.

Casdon

It’s not really a dilemma, because the young couple have the choice, so your friend can’t actually prevent them having a child even though she may be concerned. If there any genetic risks they need to have counselling first so they understand the position. If there aren’t, presumably there is no reason why they wouldn’t have a healthy child?

Agree totally Casdon they will need some extra support if they do go ahead but I'm sure family and professionals can provide that.

The other side of the coin though. Last week, our local newspaper published a judgement held in the Family Court in Cardiff.
The parents, both mentally challenged, she had an I.Q. of 80 odd, the father's I.Q. was even lower, around 60 I believe and the hearing was to determine whether their baby son should stay with them or be legally placed for adoption.
Apparently, Childrens' Services had taken the child into care when he was 2 months old. They were allowed to have supervised visits, but it was deemed that they were unable to safely look after the child, even with supervision.
The worry is, in a situation such as this, that the same thing could happen again. No one can be forced to be sterilized, or to have a abortion.

No they can't maytime but in cases like this the well being of the child is always paramount and not the parents. As someone else said there are many people who are considered able who don't care well for their children.