Where are you from? Is it an insult?

On holiday in America, have often been asked “Where are you from?”

On being told ‘England’, they often say “Oh, I love your accent!”.

Not being from ‘down south’, always find that interesting, as I certainly don’t speak as I imagine the Americans think we do.

As I am very much into genealogy try and stop me telling people where my ancestors were from and what they did.

I am asked and often ask the question. I had an interesting chat with a courier who originally came from Iran, he showed me his artificial leg, photos of his family and was happy to reminisce.
Others I have spoken to came from places I had visited both in the U.K. and abroad and also had no problem with it.
Although if they seemed reluctant to tell me I wouldn’t push them for an answer.

But if they said they were British from London would you follow up with, “but where are you really from? “ That’s the potentially offensive bit.

I'm always interested in where people are from too (and am interested irrespective of skin colour). I'm also really interested in their heritage and family but I suppose I always try not to interrogate people!

I'm not from the area where I live and have been asked where I'm from even though I was born in England and am white. My wider family is mainly European with connections elsewhere... I would hate to offend people and it certainly wouldn't be a first question... I suppose I'm looking for the links which unite us rather than divide.

I’d be more likely to say ‘Tell me a bit about yourself’ and see where that led us, than a specific question about where they were from, as lots of people are sensitive - it’s easier to let them volunteer some information and build a conversation from there.

That really is the point I think vegansrock.

My DH is asked all the time, he has a southern US accent even though he has lived here since 1985. The question most people ask him is why did we move back here from Florida.
When l worked for the LA in Licensing l had some wonderful conversations with drivers about their previous lives in Afghanistan, Iraq and Iran.

I wouldn't respond well to "tell me a bit about yourself " casdon I feel. It implies (to me) a challenge such as might happen at a training session!

This Lady was not just asked, politely - 'Where re your From?' She was almost grilled as the questioner just was unable to accept her reply. Unable to accept that someone with a black skin, and dressed somewhat differently could be British born and raised.
It really did show up the racism in royal circles definitely amongst the older ones.

Sorry l am a bit slow this morning. Lots going on with my DH illness. Besides having a US accent my husband is black so he has become use to being asked where are you from? When he worked for the Royal Mail doing deliveries, an elderly customer once started speaking to him in what he thinks was an African dialect.
He had to explain that he was an American living here.

On holiday in Vietnam I was in a hotel lift with an Asian couple and I asked them where they were from, expecting the Philippines or similar. “Australia” was the reply. Never thought to follow up with “but where are you really from?”.

My friends all think that I'm a traditional British person , who still loves afternoon tea - yes please to cucumber sandwiches and watching Agatha Christie .
A couple of them tease me about my love of embroidery .
Antimaccasars this afternoon ?
Some call me Latin .
I asked why .
Latin names of plants , they said unable to contain their laughter !
But -
I'm regularly asked where I come from :

I was born in London and have white British parents though I did spend a great deal of my childhood in Wales and had a strong Welsh accent - no sign of it now .

People don't actually believe me and will ask , but where do you really come from .
My hair was dark auburn and my skin very pale and slightly freckly and my eyes are grey .

I've been told that I speak English very well .Did I learn it at school ? If so , where ?
Do I write it as well ?

Three days ago , a lady asked me I were Eastern European .

Last week , a Pakistani man told me that I look like a Pathan and that's not the first time .

The week before some Afghanis thought that I was Turkish . One of them was quite insistent .

When I explain about the Welsh bit of my heritage -I'm told that it explains it as I'm like Catherine Zeta Jones - well thank you for the compliment !

Franbern

This Lady was not just asked, politely - 'Where re your From?' She was almost grilled as the questioner just was unable to accept her reply. Unable to accept that someone with a black skin, and dressed somewhat differently could be British born and raised.
It really did show up the racism in royal circles definitely amongst the older ones.

Exactly. She refused to accept that the woman was British. It's hardly like wondering if someone with an accent comes from another place, it was racist and she deserves all the criticism she got.

Having read a bit more about all this now as I understand it through her working life with the RF Lady H was charged by the late Queen to find out as much about people as she could so it could be decided who they should be introduced to who might help their charity or business. Lady H is getting on a bit and I think just went over the top, I have seen other people her age persist with a question they should have let go.

I have been subjected to racism and am aware of the subtleties where you can be left in doubt as to the intentions of the perpetrator.
I would have assumed in this case that the questions were a clumsy attempt to find some sort of common ground along the lines of “I thought that was a Nigerian costume, we visited there in 2015 and so enjoyed touring your amazing country.”

Incidentally wasn’t the offended lady last in the limelight for saying that Meghan had been subjected to domestic abuse within the royal family?
She does seem to pick battles that raise her own profile doesn’t she. If I felt I had been subject to racist abuse I would have reported it to the organisers of the event. Not gone directly to the media.

Here in Edinburgh people get asked; What school did you go to?
I'm probably guilty of asking where are you from but that stems from an interest in Regional accents and Scotland has many.
I asked a coffee seller if he was Irish. He was from the Western Isles and spoke Gaelic. I am trying to learn Gaelic so we had a brief conversation!
But that Lady in Waiting should have retired years ago. I hope the incident has given the aristocracy a much needed wake-up call.

If in conversation with someone I might ask where they originate from. It usually sparks interesting conversation and people don’t find it offensive or intrusive.

Excellent piece in today’s Guardian which says it all.

www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2022/dec/01/lady-hussey-resign-monarchy-race-remarks-institution?utm_term=638986548fd11134bc0ad92581a2dace&utm_campaign=GuardianTodayUK&utm_source=esp&utm_medium=Email&CMP=GTUK_email

Good post Espee

Esspee I agree. I'm left wondering to whom was the most harm done? My mother was loving and really interested in people but she never caught up with political correctness and could drop some real clangers by simply not using the right words. Should she have been annihilated for this? Never! She died in her late nineties and we all understood the context of her upbringing and experience and made allowances accordingly.

Excuse me for saying this GrannyLaine, but did your mother have a voluntary position in the Royal Household that included making people feel at their ease and representing how Britian acts?

No?

Then not quite the same, is it.

luluaugust

Having read a bit more about all this now as I understand it through her working life with the RF Lady H was charged by the late Queen to find out as much about people as she could so it could be decided who they should be introduced to who might help their charity or business. Lady H is getting on a bit and I think just went over the top, I have seen other people her age persist with a question they should have let go.

So when Ms Fulani replied that she was "from Sistah Space", why didn't she continue by asking what the organisation did, rather than interrogating Ms Fulani about her origins? That's what any right-minded person at a convention for domestic abuse would do.

Redhead56

If in conversation with someone I might ask where they originate from. It usually sparks interesting conversation and people don’t find it offensive or intrusive.

I'd find it a bit odd if you randomly asked where I originate from. I'd find it even more odd if you asked me where my people come from (as Lady Hussey did).