Xmas gifts

You shouldn't feel guilty if you can't afford things. It sounds like the other grandparents go overboard - you mustn't feel inferior if you can't do the same.
It's only human nature to compare ourselves to others but it only makes us feel bad, doesn't it?
You can't buy love.

Can you make something with them so give them a fun Xmas experience. We take foster son to paint a Xmas bauble every year and he has such fun deciding what to paint on his bauble each year. I also paint one every year for both of my dgc and my dd loves them. When they leave home they will have a full set each. Could you be the Nanny who makes delicious Xmas biscuits and ices with them? When I recall my childhood Xmas' I don't really remember many gifts I got but I do recall making and icing the Xmas biscuits with my Auntie every year and making gift tags out of old Xmas cards and she let me use her pinking shears.

I have never worried about the value of presents for any of mine they are all treated equally I usually spend about £20 on each (8 of them 1yr-29yrs) handmade gifts have always been special for them and have been kept lovingly for years.
I certainly don't think about what other GPs are buying let them get on with it the children will enjoy any gifts that they receive I'm sure so please don't worry.

Oh SallyB, that's tricky isn't it? I had a similar situation not with GC but with my sister in law who indulged in competitive present giving, putting me - with so much less money - in a very difficult position. I solved it by finally persuading her that we'd reached the age when it was no longer necessary to give each other presents.
However, as far as your GC are concerned, young kids are happy with a cardboard box I'm told! Don't try and compete with other GPs, it sounds as though your GCs are getting too much stuff in fact. Fill a bag for each of them with loads of little things wrapped enticingly: toys, puzzles, books, coloured pencils, sweeties, the list is endless. Think consumable and compostable! Take the moral high ground! And don't ever feel guilty, care and love are the best presents.

The others spend several HUNDRED? Why on earth? What you are spending is more than enough.

I seriously don’t think it matters. With one set of grandchildren, their other grandparents spend roughly the same as us. The other children, I would think we spend considerably more, I don’t know for certain, but I think there are a lot of grandchildren, and so little is spent on each one. I don’t let that make any difference to what I spend, but I don’t think it bothers the children at all. I think they’re wise enough to know she spends what she can afford, and are grateful for it.

Maybe you could include a "year long" present. Making a promise in a Christmas letter to send a postcard or letter every week until next Christmas. Or knitting a small toy for Christmas and sending additional ones that match throughout the year.

A subscription to a children's "comic" would also make your gift last longer. There are a lot of seni-educational ones now and you could ask their parents which they would like.

You already know that money isn't important - and the other GP are spending far too much. Don't ever feel sad about that.

You’re worrying about nothing, Sally. Your budget is fine and you obviously put time and thought into spending it. I would actually have been very annoyed if any of my DC’s grandparents had spent hundreds of pounds on them at Christmas. It’s not classy to outdo Santa!

We have set a budget for each grandson for Christmas and birthdays, and always check with their parents as to what to get them. They have so many presents anyway that this often means we end up giving them something costing around £15, but it’ll always be something they actually want and are happy to get. The rest of the money goes to their savings, or to whatever their parents want to treat them to later on.

could you deal with the situation by sending little letters to them with pictures, something to entertain them and receive through the post. The kids will like that at least as much as presents that cost a hundred pounds. If the little letters arrive throughout the year then Xmas will be another nice letter with small gift. I bet the other grand parents don't do this!

I don’t think the amount of money you spend on the GC matters at all. Our other GP gave the children so much money last year that even the GC decided it was ridiculous and put half in the back and gave the other half to charity. Children don’t value money like adults. I give my GC £1 pw each . At first they thought it was silly but now they have seen how it mounts up in their money boxes they are grateful. Give them something personal or quirky and they will be quite happy. If you can’t visit do you FaceTime/ Skype or text to keep in touch?

I send fortnightly letters to them as I believe that its a skill being lost with the advent of emails etc.

I have purchased subscriptions for Geo Kids in the past which was successful but the other grandparents decided to do the same!

It's really hard as my relationship with my son in law is strained (a case of mutual toleration though we are friendly on a face to face basis), & they live around 3 hrs from us, and I don't drive (hubby is a reluctant driver).

My daughter and I chat most days on line (I can't use the phone), but I don't want to put her under pressure . She worries about upsetting people.

Deep sigh, life is so difficult .......

Children love colouring books and crayons/pencils, drawing books, stencils and things on that line. I used to love the " magic " paint books where you just used a paintbrush and water. Scrap books and child-friendly glue. A plastic cloth to preserve furnishings etc. Perhaps an annual too.
Things like this look a lot, are enjoyed and don't cost a fortune.

Sally
Whatever we do, however much we spend or don’t spend, we never know if we are doing the right thing, and someone is always ready to criticise.

Just do what feels comfortable for you, don’t think about what anyone else is doing or spending.

Sally, my DGC live overseas and some time ago (when I was there with them) I bought them each a "scrapbook for storing the cards, postcards, etc which they receive. (Each scrapbook is actually a large ring-binder folder; each page has a "peely" protective cover, so that items can be moved and re-replaced.) These have been a great success, and when I visit, they will show me how their scrapbook is going. I don't know how old you DGC are, but I buy a regular subscription to "Aquila" (children's "educational" magazine) which DGS in particular, really loves.

I find it difficult to choose things for DGD and am thinking of buying some premium bonds and a smaller present this year.

She has been pleased with dresses I've made her.

The most successful present seems to have been a subscription to a monthly educational magazine (8 years and over ). She loves it and gets a regular reminder of me!

My friend got caught up in a battle between her parents and his. Total madness. Her mother worked in a toy wholesalers so the others didn’t stand a chance. Her mother also bought a pair of Clark’s lace up shoes for the GS when he was six months old, The couple ended up divorced partly because of grandparents interference.

Just do what you can afford and what seems right to you. My SM used to send pictures through the post of anything she thought may be of interest. They used to look out for the postman and loved receiving envelopes addressed to them.

I am in much the same position and try to find really amusing or interesting things for my grand-son.
One year I bought him a crystal-growing kit and that led to learning how to make crystals from all sort of household things.
And I made Fart Trombone, those things you cobble up from cardboard rolls and a plastic glove. Hours of hilarity.

Children don't usually think in terms of money, unless they've been brainwashed into doing so; they are far more interested in fun, laugher, learning and activities.

So buy or make things which will remined them for years how much fun they had enjoying your gifts.

All of us grandparent in the way that comes naturally to us.

When your grandchildren grow up and look back on their childhood and grandparents, they will not remember you for how much money you spent on them. They will recognise the economic differences between their 2 sets of grandparents, but what they will remember most is who you were, what you did with them - mainly giving them your time and listening and talking and sympathising with them, and how you loved them.

The rest will be irrelevant.

I think the idea of wrapping a shoebox in Christmas paper and filling it with lots of little wrapped presents would delight most young kids.
A friend stayed recently and I gave her a load of cards I had been given with my Sainsburys shop. She said her GS loved them and played with them for ages!

Spending several hundred is just plain stupid.
I certainly think that £30 is more than enough. It's the spirit of giving not the cost that matters.

I just buy my grandchildren a token present to open at Christmas and birthdays as I buy their shoes throughout the year. My daughter prefers this as they get so much and hardly bother with any of it! The other grandparents buy them expensive toys but that’s their choice. I see them a lot and we go out, play games, bake etc and that’s what they love best.

Sally, I think that's great. I wish I had been so aware when I had the chance. Too late now alas.

This year I am buying a token present probably from the works as they have some good craft kits and science kits and a premium bond. My dgc get a lot of stuff who knows I maybe the grandma who makes them a millionaire lol

Now some of my grandchildren are older, I buy subscriptions to magazines. Aquila was enjoyed in the past but this year I’m paying for a weekly newspaper for my nine year old GS. It’s called The Week Junior and the first six copies are free, if you take out a subscription. You then pay £21.50 every 13 issues, which helps to spread the cost.
My seven year old GD attends several dance/theatre classes so I pay towards some of her lessons. Both appreciate receiving small gifts from me on my long weekends at their home, perhaps more than at Christmas when they have so much!