Xmas gifts

This year we have decided along with the parents of our grandchildren that each family (3 families) will buy the other families a family size box of chocolates or biscuits.
Both my children buy lovely presents for their children and we simply cannot compete. Anything we buy, although recently I have asked both mothers for guidance, looks like very little compared to the electronic wonders etc. that they get from their parents.
We have five birthdays all around Christmas to buy for.
The parents also worry about the costs of Christmas. We are trying this for this Christmas and hope it will set the pattern for the future. I was talking to my daughter and mentioned that in a couple of years we will have a much reduced income and we would find it embarrassing not to be able to buy everyone nice presents, so it felt better to make the decision now from a position of strength rather than in two years from a position of necessity. Two of my grandchildren overheard the conversation and both immediately said we must not feel embarrassed and they were not worried about presents. They are 12 years old.

My husband and myself are on a limited budget I try and save throughout the year with lark and that helps me but I don’t get upset now about it I buy what I can afford always asking about anything specific they want. I don’t get upset now I’m not getting into debt for gc. They know we love them.

I never worry at all about what others are buying.

The other grandparents are absolutely out of my league, money wise, so it would be silly to try and match what they spend.

How about 'making memories' so get theatre tickets and have a day out with the GC. They'll remember those days far more than a load of toys.

I shop for Xmas and birthdays throughout the year. I buy my Christmas card in a sale in January and when I see something i think someone would like I buy it, put it in a box in the bottom of the wardrobe and about this time of year, sort it out to see what is in there. That way I do not have huge expense all at once. Yes sometimes I end up with more than one item for the same person but then it can usually be given for a birthday. I now write a list in the back of a diary what I have purchased for who. This helps.

£30 per child is my budget for Christmas presents as well and £20 for birthdays. It might go down next year when I am retired. I don't care what the other grandparents spend. Please don't worry about it. You have to do what is right for you x

We have one son (hes now almost an adult). The inlaws (well mil!) was always of the "buying the contents of a small toyshop" persuasion at xmas/birthdays. When ds was really small we hardly bought him anything because he didnt notice and had so much anyway!! But she never asked what he wanted so some stuff was looked at briefly and them forgotten.

On the other hand my Dad had a modest budget and would ask us for ideas so we could point him in the direction of something that was very much wanted. DS just accepted that he didnt get as much, but because it was something he actually wanted he was perfectly happy. Same as it never occured to him to question why grandma (mil) bought him stuff whenever she saw him but my dad didnt.

So why not ask your DD for ideas?

I don't know the ages of your GC but one of the best presents my two sons enjoyed was a large cardboard box , covered in wrapping paper and filled with blown up balloons. They spent ages using the box as a den and the balloons were used for batting around and playing volleyball over the sofa, which we pulled out from the wall. It cost pennies and they still remember it!

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

I have a £30 budget for mine plus a book. Fortunately my daughters are happy with eBay purchases though I do buy new as well. I have bought Sylvanian on eBay so far and a Barbie horse and carriage in Sainsbury’s half price toy sale. I have a private challenge with myself each year too try not to pay full price for as much as possible. ASL make gifts.

I save with Park all year and get vouchers to do the Christmas shop with and also food hampers, much better now than used to be, nothing we don’t like.
This is the only way I can manage Christmas, tried just saving the same amount of money but to easy to dip into it when needing something else.

Not Christmas presents but this thread has struck a chord with me as I am on the other side of things and I have felt a little guilty and uncomfortable over the last couple of days. My first granddaughter is due in about a month and my husband and I have bought most of the 'big' items needed, pram, carseat, nursery furniture etc and Iwas on the point of ordering the cradle my daughter and SiL want. My husband and I are more than comfortable financially and I have been so excited that I just didn't think . SiL's mother is a widow and not very well off; the baby will a third grandchild for her. My daughter telephoned me a couple of days ago to say that her MiL has asked if she could buy the cradle (as she has done for her other GC) and of course DD and DSiL said yes. It won't be the one that DD had in mind as that is quite pricey but, as DD pointed out, baby will only be in it for as few months. I feel humbled and a bit ashamed for 'splashing the cash'. As I said earlier my excuse is I have been so excited. It was never my intention to make other grandma feel embarrassed but I think I have. She is a lovely woman who brought up six children on her own. Our granddaughter will be lucky to have her in her life regardless of what grandma is or isn't able to buy for her. I'm sure this is the case with the OP. X

at the end of the day they love you as gran granny nanna, not what you spend on them, anything you send them will be with love and they will know that

My granddaughter wouldn't have been able to upgrade her barely-working phone if I hadn't been in the position to spend more on her than her other grandparents. She is much closer to the other (maternal) GPs and spends loads of time with them so they "win" that way. But rather than worry about how they are outdoing you, feel happy that your grandchildren can have stuff they might not otherwise be able to.

Juno your dd sounds lovely.

Many times the most favoured gifts can be the cheapest. Have no worries about what the other grandparents decide to spend as it doesn't necessarily mean the children like the gifts given to them!

I too am on a limited budget of £20 each grandchild, irrespective of age. I buy them small presents from time to time, take them out for tea and cake and just give them my full attention when we get together, if they are not busy doing something else.

For my youngest grandchildren I’ve taken a leaf out of DD1’s book. She started buying her two children a Christmas tree ornament of their choice every year. I buy the twins one each every Christmas so that by the time they are adults they will each have a set of decorations for their own trees. I enjoy searching out unusual decorations. Most of mine currently have been bought in NZ and brought back to the UK to be wrapped for the following Christmas.

Just buy or make with your heart and all will be well.
Uk

SallyB392 rest assured - money cannot buy love. A lot of us are in the same situation as you, you're not alone.

The most precious thing you can give a child is time and attention. I love my great grand daughters and can not afford expensive presents but when we do see them we have walks and chat away they are not rushed to do anything, grandma and grandpa can walk at their pace, take time to look at bugs and such like and wildlife. Splash in puddles and lots of cuddles. They won’t remember lavish gifts later in life when they are grown but the love time and attention given when thinking about grandma and grandpa and the adventures they had. Out own children remember their deceased grandparents for letting them help in the garden or pick strawberries. I am sure if I asked them they would not remember one gift they were given!

I am in a similar position. I do nit though feel guilty about the small amount I spend on gifts. I give what I can manage. Sometimes I send something I have made eg last year I knitted a scarf in the GSs favourite football team colours sourcing badges online. Big hit. Do what you can but do not feel guilty.

I made my DGD 24 little stockings for Advent, each with a magnetic letter, a choc and a tiny figure. I think the stockings cost about £6 (obviously I had to make them) from a craft shop and the chocs etc tenner. A bit different.

Sally, I hope this puts your mind at rest:

My DDs have a couple of very wealthy relatives (sadly we are not LOL)

They do throw money at the girls, but in such a meaningless way!
E.g. my tom boy would get a load of designer pink stuff. My other child alsays got really expensive things that werent her size. My girls were often baffled by them and learnt at an early age not to get too excited about opening those relatives' gifts

We know the gifts are expensive, but they are less loved than the gifts chosen with our girls personalities in mind. More money doesnt make better presents.

It sounds like you put a lot of time and thought into your gifts and that will show x

£30 from someone who has to scrimp and save that £30 means more than £300 from someone who considers it small change x

I have four children and seven grandchildren. Some gcs are not biologically related so we’re very concerned to spend a similar amount on each one. I must admit that when my son spends Christmas with his in-laws it’s helpful as he’s prone to watch carefully to make sure his children are treated equally. Our DDs are less watchful. My sons in-laws only have 2 GCs so they tend to spend more. They’re also very keen on heaps of presents but a lot of them are poor quality. This is up to them and I’ve stopped worrying about it. Less is more in many cases!

I would also add, children have no taste they will reject the classy expensive wooden toys in favour of the disgusting neon thing with bulging eyes from the pound shop anyway!

They love little things! And little boxes! And boxes with little things in them!

Funny little things are way more prescious to them than the big fancy toys!