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Ideas please to politely/effectively refuse unwanted hugs?

(62 Posts)
YorkieGothGirl Tue 20-Nov-18 09:39:01

I’m finding it difficult to side-step this increasingly fashionable practice. I'm not cold and unfriendly but I don't want to be embraced by all and sundry.

Also, nowadays I suffer from hot flushes from hell and turn into a sweat bucket. It’s something I would rather keep to myself and not broadcast involuntarily via the hugging community.

aggie Tue 20-Nov-18 09:43:48

I am not a hugging person , but I seem to give out vibes (or do I smell ? ) so it is unlikely that acquaintances launch themselves at me . Otherwise I put my hand out to shake wink

Jane10 Tue 20-Nov-18 09:44:49

Gosh yes! I really don't like this fairly meaningless social hugging. People who know me know that I don't like it and hold back (although they laugh about me). It's more a problem with people peripheral in my life who try it. If possible I stick out my hand to shake it before they can lunge in!
It's not a problem with my more elderly acquaintances though. Phew.

Luckygirl Tue 20-Nov-18 09:49:57

I like hugs!!

trisher Tue 20-Nov-18 09:50:52

I'm interested in this because for some reason I am able to stop 'huggers' and keep them at a distance. I dislike being hugged by people I don't know intensly, and somehow this is communicated to them. Maybe I flinch slightly as they approach, maybe I stiffen up, I'm not really sure, but a friend was complaining about a mutual aquaintance who routinely hugs on meeting anyone and I realised she doesn't do it to me. She did the first time we met but she soon stopped. I don't really know what I do, I wish I could explain it. I do think if you feel strongly about things your body language passes that on.

MiniMoon Tue 20-Nov-18 09:51:00

I really don't like my personal space invaded either. I can put up with the hugging if it's from relatives that I haven't seen in ages, but friends and aquaintances hugging is not a pleasant experience, and I try to side step them if possible.

EllanVannin Tue 20-Nov-18 09:52:07

Where's the harm in a hug ? There are some people who may feel down and when they're given a hug it lifts their spirits.
Then again I was involved in the NHS so hugging was second nature to me.
I'm by no means a distant nor an unapproachable person.

trisher Tue 20-Nov-18 09:52:22

I like hugs from family and close friends-nobody else!

KatyK Tue 20-Nov-18 09:59:16

I feel very uncomfortable with all this hugging and kissing from every Tom, Dick and Harry.

henetha Tue 20-Nov-18 10:02:28

I don't get hugs from strangers, so maybe I look un-huggable!
I love it when my family or friends hug me.

MawBroon Tue 20-Nov-18 10:02:29

Not sure about Tom or Dick, but Harry can hug me any time grin]

henetha Tue 20-Nov-18 10:10:49

grin mawbroon

Iam64 Tue 20-Nov-18 10:12:44

Lol MawBroon, I agree.

I'm a hugger, from a family where hugs are freely given and accepted. Our two and three year olds hug each other routinely when they meet up.
I think it's easy to give out vibes to discourage unwanted hugs. I don't hug strangers, I only hug people I'm close to.

MawBroon Tue 20-Nov-18 10:15:53

I suppose a well timed sneeze might deter some people....???

Scribbles Tue 20-Nov-18 10:16:04

I love to hug or be hugged by people I'm genuinely close to and care about but really dislike the full on embrace from people I barely know. I will try to avoid it by offering a hand to shake or side-stepping to pick up/put down my bag/scarf . As acquaintanceships evolve and become friendships, there seems to come a point where hugging is both acceptable and welcome and the body language or pheromones or something seem to mark the change so it is understood without ever being articulated.

sunseeker Tue 20-Nov-18 10:16:56

I have never been a hugger but now I am on my own I sometimes wish someone would hug me (not strangers!)

DoraMarr Tue 20-Nov-18 10:25:27

Oh gosh, I hate these routine hugs! We had a new manager when I was working who hugged everyone. Then everyone started doing it, all the time, first thing in the morning, going home..... I think I used to sidestep, as it soon became known that “Dora doesn’t do hugs.” I think it’s nice when family do it, and my French family hug and kiss, even among males, but I don’t hug my friends. There again, I sometimes used to be the only one in a group at work who didn’t get a hug, then I used to feel a bit left out.....

silverlining48 Tue 20-Nov-18 10:28:53

I was hugged yesterday by someone who is related to my sil, she always does this the rare times we meet, yet we both know we are not close, nor will we ever be. I never instigate this and usually try to keep distance between us waving cheerily as we all say goodbye, but somehow once again, she crept up on me. Really wish she wouldnt.
I Love hugging my children and grandchildren, even close friends are ok, but not people I hardly know if at all and not people I hardly like.

M0nica Tue 20-Nov-18 12:05:13

Put a hand out to shake hands as soon as you think a hug is in the offing, or even if you think it might be. It seems to work.

Fennel Tue 20-Nov-18 12:08:40

That's what I do, M0nica.
I didn't realise it was becoming a fashion here.

jusnoneed Tue 20-Nov-18 12:47:17

I'm not keen on anyone other than family giving a hug, the younger members do seem to happy to hug all when you meet them.
Though have to say it was nice a few weeks ago at nephews 30th birthday party to get a hug from some of the youngsters there (my youngest is same age so they share a large group of friends) even though I hadn't seen some of them since they were all at school together. Little me with lots of 6 foot plus lads, they all seem to get so tall these days!

sodapop Tue 20-Nov-18 12:47:21

I feel much the same with the French kissing habit. Grin and bear it so as not to offend anyone. Alternatively extend both hands to clasp that of the person you are greeting.

Dontaskme Tue 20-Nov-18 12:49:13

Me too - a handshake on first meet usually lets people know you're not a hugger.
I don't hug and I certainly don't cheek kiss, or even air kiss.
Family is different.

HildaW Tue 20-Nov-18 13:39:42

I'm not a casual hugger...they are very much reserved for nearest and dearest so at the first hint of a hug from someone new I too put out a hand for a quick shake and say something like....'Oh I'm not a hugger, not even with the children (a small white lie). As long as its all said with a smile and you are being genuinely friendly in all other ways I've not found it a problem.

grumppa Tue 20-Nov-18 13:51:07

"French kissing habit", sodapop?

Can't stand man hugs.