Quandry

I do not see my DIL any more and am in an odd situation too. What I have done in past Christmas's is to buy for the GS's or give money and make up a hamper type gift of lovely food and drinks for my son and DIL. It's given to my son of course but she can share and hopefully the treats.

Maybe one day she will come to her senses and realise I am not the enemy.

I'm sorry you are being hurt in this way and it was very rude your gift and card were not acknowledged. Some people won't even accept an olive branch.

* hopefully enjoy...the treats.

Sorry, don't know your situation but rather than have it circling round your head send something neutral from a decent shop.

Play her at her own game by ignoring her too and perhaps she'll get the message. Hard I know when you're obviously not made that way but you could go on giving until the cows come home but the recipient won't flinch. You've got to decide what it's to be.

I would get her a small gift, or whatever you normally do, rather than add fuel to the flames. But decide what to do, then stop worrying about it. It won't help, you will have done all you can.

How about a "joint" present for both the grown-ups. Tickets for a show or something. She is clearly being very unfriendly towards you, but if you can then I would try to rise above it for the sake of your relationships with son and grandchildren.

I like bluebirdswm’s idea of a nice hamper for both of them, with a joint card. Presumably your son will send you a thank-you in their joint names, which might ease things slightly for both you and your DDIL.

If she doesnt enjoy hearing from you stop contacting her on her birthdays!
Its not nice.

But how do we know the contact is unwelcome? I admit I don’t know travelsafar’s back story, but it sounds as though even she doesn’t know.

It reads that the DIL doesnt want to be in direct contact with the OP.
In which case it is mean of her to be contacting the DIL on special occasions.

Sounds like OP contacts her DS and DGSs independently of DIL.

My sister in law did not speak to.me for three years . I just sent presents like theatre tokens that could be enjoyed by one or both of them . My brother thanked me but never his wife. I persevered for his sake and one day at a funeral she just started speaking. Our relationship has never fully recovered and she will never apologise but life is easier for my brother if we get along.

I m not sure of your story but guess you and daughter in law don’t get on
I have a lovely daughter in law but I always send a joint present ( usually money) but it could be anything tickets, voucher, something for the house that way it wouldn’t be a problem
Life’s so short for all these cut offs

bluebirdwsm Thank you and everyone else for your replies. I will get something for the both of them as a joint gift.

Why does this sort of thing happen within families ?

I do the charity gifts and get a card to send to say what it is , a Goat would be a good gift to send her ?
My lot are getting cards to denote that children are having school lunches

Or a Toilet Twinning certificate ?

Seems a good opportunity to say you are not doing presents for adults any longer. Just buy for the children until they are aged 18. Just make sure you make it known you do not expect any gifts either and problem solved.

I always seem to say the same in these situations - keep the door open. It is Christmas, the perfect time to lead by example (as you have been doing) and at the same time not to give DIL any excuse to feel spurned when your son and dc receive gifts. A joint gift? Theatre tickets or a voucher for a restaurant where your DS and DIL can have dinner or the whole family go for lunch. You might regret not giving a present, you might be hurt by lack of acknowledgement, but if you give you have been generous. Good luck, it is hard work to keep on trying.

Feelingmyage55 Thank you , I will be doing something along those lines, probably a voucher for a resturant with maybe cinema tickets.

I think a hamper as a joint present or a voucher for theatre as a joint present could be a tactful and practical way round things.

The suggestion about not wanting anything yourself and not buying for any adults in the family is another way round the problem too.

Send a joint present, but if you do not hear from her OR your son, don't do it again. Sad.
Do they send you a present?