Oops- I’ve put my foot in it!

No not at all sluttygran not all of us want to be constantly with family and grandchildren.
I enjoy my own space with peace and quiet and my family know and respect this. Of course we are all different I have a friend with five children who loves nothing more than them all visiting with their families at the same time. That would be hell for me.

Firstly many happy returns and congratulations on your 70th ? sluttygran
It's the easiest thing in the world to hurt others feelings. How often have we all said something and wished we hadn't. It sounds as though you have a lovely family who are arranging such nice things for you. Why don't you phone your daughter and say how grateful you are for having such a lovely daughter and sorry if you upset her by not making the effort to go out today but you weren't feeling up to it. Best thing to do would probably be to talk to her and then you can both put your minds at rest. Enjoy the surprise party!

Happy birthday sluttygran!
Of course its not selfish to want some peace and quiet especially on your special day, but I hope you explained that to your daughter. Why not ring her later and explain how your poor head hurt but you would like to see her and her brood to celebrate another time.

Just give her a call, say you were so disappointed to have to cancel. but felt to rough to do the day justice. Ask her when & if you can reschedule . Best wishes from one who understands!

Just off to change grandson’s nappy- how I sympathise with you! At the moment my childminding commitments are huge, but in a month or two my son in law will be up and mobile and I’ll have less to do ( I volunteered, no- one is forcing me.) But I can fully understand that you want a day just pottering and free from any demands, so don’t feel guilty, phone your daughter ( if she’s as lovely as she sounds she won’t mind) and, as Bridgeit says, explain you just felt ill and would love to see them another day. Your four year old granddaughter sounds lovely too!

Happy birthday slutttygran
I have to be honest and say I would have been upset if I d arranged a meal out and my mum had called off at the last minute unless she was ill however I can also see that you were feeling in overload but I can only speak for myself I would have gritted my teeth and gone then if necessary stayed in bed tomorrow This is not a crisism we all handle things differently and you sound as if you have an understanding family so I m sure it will be ok to rearrange another day

Happy Birthday sluttygran just make amends by saying sorry but you really didn't feel like it.
My days are like yours only with an H with dementia, not GC.
He has gone to a day centre today, first time, and nothing would have got me out today, I just wanted to chill.

But the big celebration is at the weekend- her daughter just offered to take her out to lunch with the children, so it sounds quite low key and casual. I have a motto: “there are very few things in life you have to do.” If sluttygran felt tired and in need of a bit of peace, then good for her in giving herself permission to do that, and the little white lie about feeling below par shouldn’t have hurt her daughter’s feelings.

Happy Birthday, as others have said just phone and say how disappointed you are that you could not go. I do think though that too many people do not think about the recipient when choosing gifts or celebrations and then they get annoyed that they are not well received. My friends and family seem to get quite cross when I do not want to attend a party, its just not my thing. I also do not like gifts for the home,random pictures or ornaments that do not fit in, it was my birthday recently and somebody bought me a large china owl, I had never said I liked owls and now have to get it out whenever they visit.

Thank you DoraMarr
I was actually feeling quite unwell.
I have spoken to my daughter and she is very understanding. She hadnt booked anything, just planned a casual lunch at Yo Sushi.
I still feel a bit guilty, tho’ - I think guilt is a package we get handed to us when we have children!

Happy Birthday sluttygran ????

Your day your way, hope you feel better soon. Most Grans on here do so much for their families, that we forget to take some time out for ourselves.

Have a lovely day on Saturday with your family.

Happy birthday from me too- it’s my 70th birthday next April, and sometimes I really do feel my age!

Happy birthday sluttygran. Do hope you are enjoying your chill day without feeling guilty. Your DD sounds lovely and caring, probably looking forward to when you do go out to lunch to celebrate your milestone birthday.

Happy Birthday! I agree with you, sometimes all the celebrations become a bit much and you need to book some 'me' time. By all means speak to your daughter and explain that you needed some down time so that you can enjoy all the partying and have a lovely time

sluttygran My...you are being treated well and may I add my congratulations to all the others you've received.
I totally understand the need for stillness and peace but at 40 or 50 I wouldn't have appreciated it.
Yes, call your daughter and tell her how much you're looking forward to the hotel tea party with family. Say that you were just having a day of restfulness in order to fully appreciate the weekend get-together.
I'm sure she will understand, she sounds a lovely thoughtful daughter.
Enjoy your birthday celebrations.

I don't think you need to say or do anything as your daughter was so understanding.Stop feeling guilty and have a very Happy Birthday!

I assume you have read, in the past, comments by other GN's who never or hardly ever see their DD's / DS's or DGC ie family feuds etc or they live in another country.
Its a lunch invitation.Hardly an eternity. However if you feel that unwell then your daughter who sounds very caring will I am sure understand should you decline her invitation.

Happy Birthday, sluttygran. I don’t think you are being unreasonable - we all deserve, and need, some downtime. We have just spent a hectic week holidaying with our daughter and her family and we thoroughly enjoyed it, but the day after we got home we just sat enjoying the deafening silence of the conservatory for a few hours, just to restore the humours! I am sure your daughter will be the first to understand that.

Happy 70th Birthday! sluttygran Glad it is all sorted out!

Many happy returns, Sluttygran. I'm glad you posted you are too tired to go out as I see so many older grans than me who seem full of energy and I wonder if I am just lazy. I'll be 73 next month and for the past few years have done some childcare for grandkids, but daughter said it should be less from now on as one child is 12 and one starting a full-time nursery near home. I was slightly hurt at not being needed but also relieved as it is tiring to get there and look after them. I will probably still do some, and be the emergency/child is sick person, but not having regular times will be a relief. Enjoy your surprise treat outing.

I sympathise with you. My 70th is a couple of years away yet but I am already dreading it! I had a party for my 60th as it was a celebration because I could give up work which was great but I see nothing to celebrate about 70 at all!
My ex & my DiL's dad had their 70th this year & family took them out for lovely meals etc but TBH I am not at all sure I fancy that & I can see that they will want to do the same. My DiL's mum died a couple of years ago & we were the same age & they did similar things for both our 60th so I also feel she may miss her Mum a lot when my birthday comes round.
I am thinking about asking DH if we can book a holiday for that time & spend a lovely fortnight away on our favourite Greek island but maybe I am being selfish not to let them do something they think I will appreciate.
I look forward to seeing how you handle the situation.
Have a very happy day whatever you do.

Oh Gosh! I hope I am still able to celebrate with energy when my 70th arrives! DH had a lovely party in Jan this year with about 100 friend & family. We hired a room in a hotel and had a buffet lunch and plenty of liquid refreshment! A friend was 80 in May and she hired a big country house and about 18 of us stayed there.. we all helped with the meals etc. and went out for a pub lunch where other friends and family came. My 70th will coincide with our 50th wedding anniversary so fingers crossed we are both fit and well to celebrate the events as if were were as old as we both still feel!

I have every sympathy sluttygran . I have a zero numbered birthday coming up shortly and I'm happy to do b....nowt! I like parties - but those of others, not my own. Hopefully the family has taken me at my word for once.

Perhaps it would be a good idea to drop hints about a lovely spa day for your next birthday. Just relaxing treatments on your own. It’s lovely to be cosseted with peace and quiet!