Realationships

I am a bit muddled- do they all spend 4nights with you? If so where are they the rest of the week? Why are they not doing the relationship counselling together?

My son still lives at home ...as does she ..his dad takes him 3 nights per week...so they all stay 1 here...usually Saturday....When the counseling started it was a joint one..but the counselor felt he had more issues so sees him alone...we know they need there own home but it is beyond reach for them...they don’t seem too bothered...the poor child has 3 homes...so it is not easy for him.

I’d try to see this from her point of view. Your son, her partner, the father of her baby, has ‘more issues’ according to the counsellor and is ‘not easy to get along with’ according to you, his mother. She is pregnant. They are living apart but not apart. Her son is shipped from pillar to post. They have no means of setting up house together. They argue (hardly surprising) and she feels very insecure.

I’d be trying to build a good relationship with this poor woman and helping her feel supported through her pregnancy and beyond.

I do have a good relationship with her..have totally supported her in every way...no matter what happens to them I will always look after her...and her children.
My son has issues because he is an adopted child and it has really surfaced since the pregnancy was announced he is trying to come to terms with information he has now received...his big concern is any health issues in birth family. He has applied to meet his birth mother and siblings..we have no issue with this. Both of them are insecure only together a year now....very small things create major drama.

Seems like a great deal of help is needed by this family, its a shame a baby is will be born into all these difficulties. They really need to get more settled before the baby arrives. I don't see what the adoption issue has to do with anything. I hope they get the help they need.

I agree with Christine especially about the baby. I'm sorry , and hindsight is a wonderful thing but why did they feel bringing another child into this relationship was a good thing?

Babies aren't glue....quite the opposite in fact.

They don't need you to look after them Nanah , however good your intentions, they now need to start looking after themselves , they were adult enough to start a family , now they need to find a way ( whether that's together or separately) to make that work.

The adoption is to do with his own identity....seems he has many half siblings...he feels abandoned...has had a very happy and secure upbringing with us..this issue only arose with the pregnancy confirmation..he is worried about medical history. We also have 2 other adopted children who have found birth parents with no issue at all...They cannot seem to operate as a team which we always have done. Our other children are married both with 2 children each and are settled ..they too have tried to help and advise...they just cannot seem to get along at all...this is a major worry for us.

I understand the concerns about medical history but that should have been thought about before deciding to have a child. It seems your son is not coping well and is looking for someone to blame. There is no shame in finding life difficult at times, it happens to us all but there are other considerations here including the baby. Sometimes Nanah67 you can be too close to the problems and it may be better for an outside agency to help in the form of counselling etc,

Outside agencies are very much onboard in this situation..no one blames anyone....the situation as is is a big worry..child was not planned so shock is a large part of this...all we want is the very best for another darling grandchild...happiness is very much at the heart of this situation...thank you for your replies.