Pay-back time

I try not to "expect" my children to do things for me, but I think I would expect help with a health issue like this. I'd have thought one of them might have wanted to be with you just to make sure you were all right. Have you got friends who could help?

So sorry to hear you require surgery and hope all goes well for you. Do you have kind neighbours who could help you, I know most people in our road would willing help out someone in your situation. I know would willing take your dogs for a walk if you are anywhere near me in north devon

never mind the dogs , how are you going to cope with limited mobility for personal hygiene , cooking etc !! Can Social Worker get you help , and district Nurse

You need to talk with the hospital about the sort of help you might need when you are discharged, and if you know that this cannot be arranged via family or friends you can ask them to point you in the right direction for getting help.

I am sorry that your DD has let you down and I can understand you feeling disappointed.

Hi just wondering if age concern might help they have a home from hospital service if I remember correctly,.

watermeadow I am so sorry that you have been so badly let down. I expect you have waited a long time for your surgery assuming the normal way of things. I am amazed that your daughter would put a weekend party ahead of her mother.

You need to speak to the hospital about your problem and get their help to arrange suitable care for yourself. Speak to some of your neighbours about other concerns and do accept any offers of help that come your way.
Hope all goes well and do let us know how you get on.

Hope all goes well with the surgery watermeadow, several weeks is a long time to not get around.
Hospitals used to have social workers that helped organise going home problems, I hope yours has one.
It's upsetting to feel let down.
for you.

This sounds achingly familiar to me . My younger daughter has blatantly refused to help me in the past , one day I asked if she could hold up a fence panel whilst I banged in the nails . She yelled ' F ... off, Mum' ! I was shocked as the fence was being repaired to keep her visiting dog safe in my garden ! I've never asked for help again ! She runs her own cleaning business and is in constant demand from other old ladies and is sometimes run ragged by them - it's easier to shout at Mum !
Poor you - your family might surprise you and turn up to help ?

Watermeadow - I'm in Fife , where are you ?

I'm sorry too. It must be an awful worrying situation. It's a pity we don't have 'can you lend a hand' thread to match up those who need help with those who would benefit from helping. It would help me tremendously to walk a dog at the minute. I hope your family relent. Somtimes our children think we're indestructible. you've got us here to chat to through the next few difficult weeks and they hold a lot of knowledge so perhaps can point you in the direction of people who could help. Hope the operation goes well and your soon on the way to a full recovery.

In Perth x

It is a mistake in life to give, and expect something in return. In reality they can be two different situations.

I wouldnt blame daughter 2 if I were you, if she has to do nights then she has to do nights.
Daughter 1 on the other hand...

When my friend had her new knee, her friends all rallied round and we had a rota for the first few weeks. Her family lives abroad. Have you any friend that could do the same for you Watermeadow.? At the very least it might make your family feel a little guilty.
Hope all goes well for you

From other posts I've read on GN it works seem this is typical behaviour for some of the present take-take generation. Daughter 1 in particular is an ungrateful and uncaring brat.

And before anyone jumps in and says children ought not to be 'grateful' as being a parent is not about expecting something in return, it's also not about just taking and giving nothing back when help is so obviously needed.

Can you use some of their inheritance to buy help?. I think I will need a new knee before too long and I already have plans to get H into a local care home for the time I am in hospital and I will join him for the time it takes me to get fit enough to cope. We don't have animals but kennels are an idea.
This is not because my D would not do it,she would, but as a single mum with school age children it would not be practical unless I had it done privately during the school holidays which is another option.

The Cinnamon Trust are an organisation that arrange to get dogs walked when owners are incapacitated. Might be worth seeing if there is a branch near you. I've seen them advertised on supermarket notice boards. Might at least take one worry off your mind.

tiredoldwoman that is an absolute shocker. If anyone had spoken to me like that I would have just downed the tools, gone in closed the door and made only myself a coffee and left the dog to get lost. And daughter too! Totally unacceptable behaviour!

I just don't get this, how is it that we seem to have a generation of ingrates in some families? I just can't imagine any of this happening in my own family. I suppose that is possibly because I take no prisoners and am pretty forthright but having said that I really have had no occasion to do that with my family. It truly baffles me!

watermeadow could the 17 year old and maybe other teenage grandchildren help with dog walking? After all you gave up your time to look after them in the early years so they might be glad to repay you in this way. Dig walking isn't an onerous job.

Oops ... dog walking!

Oh dear watermeadow, it is sad when family can not be relied on.
I would be really upset if my family treated me in that cavalier manner, perhaps you should not be so readily available to their requests for help in the future.
DH is looking after me but my sister and BIL cook meals and bring them to the house so that he may have a day off.

Just had a quick Google and there are 3 or 4 professional dog walkers in your area. Hope this might be of some help. Like others have said-spend some money on getting yourself and your dogs looked after, you deserve it.

The hospital OTs wouldn't let me go home after my shoulder replacement until they had phoned Adult Services and arranged for them to visit. As it happened, once I had seen them I decided I could cope perfectly well without help - and I did. However, your situation is different and I would hope that help could be arranged before you are discharged. I must say that going to a party seems a poor excuse (not a reason) for your daughter's attitude. Is she under pressure from her husband? I know that both of my sons (and their OHs) would bend over backwards to give me the care I have, in the past, given them.

You are lucky anno I think sometimes these days friends and partying
are more important than family. Sad but true.