Pay-back time

So impressed by some members of this thread that they can offer Watermeadow help even though I assume they are complete strangers outside of Gransnet. What an indictment on her daughter.

Good luck with the op. and hope all goes well otherwise.

I agree Wilma

Sorry, but I can't get over the attitude of the daughters with this.

I would expect to help my Mum in these circumstances and wouldn't even have to be asked. As there's 2 daughters involved here, there should be a conversation between all three people about how the weekend will be managed. Even if I was working, I would consider taking time off.

Quite honestly I'm disgusted and if this happened to me, it would make me think again about my relationship with my daughters because this would be a sign that things were not how I believed them to be. I wouldn't necessarily cause a row, but I would certainly make my feelings clear. Some further communication is needed here. It's just not on.

Mm tricky one. Shame on your daughters not helping. Trouble is, as has been said, they think you'll just go on forever! I had a hip replacement a couple of years ago. DH husband is fit and well and stepped up to the plate but the first two weeks were bloomin' hard work. Local DD self employed; other DD 2 hours away in full time employment. Local DD didn't ask once how we were getting on, offered meals or anything. Other DD came to visit for a weekend but only cos relatives from Oz were coming to see us. Not a single offer of help or even sympathy. And this from daughters who we are close to. . . .perhaps it's this generation?
As has been said, you must insist help is available before you leave hospital and no saying "I'm/I'll be fine" either!

It's annoying when family let us down sadly sometimes the more independent we try to be as we get older the more it's taken for granted we will cope so when we need and ask for help it's upsetting. when we are let down.

Thanks so much for all your kind replies. I expect to be able to potter about quite soon and the daughters and granddaughters will be summoned when necessary. I was just cross that my careful arrangements had been upset by a party taking priority.
I' ve had offers of dog-walking from several friends aged 80+ with dogs of their own, again I shall get family to fit in short walks and the dogs will keep me company while I can't get out.
What a lovely lot you are!

Hi watermeadow, so sorry to hear how let down you have been by your daughters. I volunteer for a charity that rehouse a specific breed of dog. Volunteers would also help out by dog walking for someone in your circumstances. I don't live anywhere near you, otherwise I'd be happy to dog walk for you. The Cinammon Trust sounds a good idea, as recommended by someone up thread. I understand why kennels is being recommended but I know in your position, I'd want the company my dogs would give me, providing I could get help in looking after them.

I hope the op goes ok,that your recovery is straightforward. I absolutely agree with those who say that if you've any money to spare, buy in some care for your dogs. There are so many professional dog walking/house sitting services available now. Any spare cash, get it spent on making your life as comfortable as you can - spend any inheritance you'd been saving (apologies if there is no spare cash x)

Hope you get problem sorted and hope op and recovery goes well watermeadow ?

Sorry should have read Watermeadow

Watermarks have you tried asking your local RVS for help. They do unfortunately need some time in advance to arrange something.

Hope your op goes well watermeadow. I had ops on my feet twice in the past and wasn't nearly as incapacitated as I'd expected as my feet were in casts and with painkillers I was able to potter a little in the kitchen etc. I hope it's the same for you. My DD is amazing at helping anytime I need her (which isn't often as I try to be independent), despite having a very stressful job with long hours and health problems of her own. However my son, to whom I have lent money to buy a house and give lots of help with childcare is nowhere to be seen unless he needs me. Didn't even send me a Mother's day card, just got a text! I try not to expect anything from either of them but it does hurt when one child seems not to care. Bless you watermeadow.

Me too Perth x

I've just had a thought Watermeadow, do you have a local website called 'street life'? If so, it would be well worth posting about your predicament on there, that way people local to you would probably be happy to help. Just 'Google' Street Life, and see what comes up.

Hi Watermeadow

I'm SO sorry to hear about your predicament, and have recently faced something similar with my daughter, who like your's would drop me for a party however bad things might be. I don't know what it is about the so called 'younger generation', but it seems that some of them appear to have grown up to be incredibly selfish, whilst other's still treat their parents with the respect that in general we would have given ours.

I don't think you've said where you are, but let us know and you might get a pleasant surprise and find that someone here can help you out.

Can we not start a thread for helpers? I've not been visiting here for very long myself, but perhaps someone knows how we could do it?

Not sure if I read this right or not, but if you are in Perth, then I'm more than willing to help with the dog walking if needed, or other little jobs you might need doing... x

Can you afford to put the dog in a kennel for a couple of weeks to give you some safe space as well as a holiday for them where they will be cared for and walked...........

It is upsetting but not much you can do about it other than look after yourself and make your own arrangements.

You will be unsteady on your feet for a while, give yourself a break and send the dog of for a change of scene.

Buy in lots of nice easy to prepare stuff or make it in advance and freeze it......get yourself prepared and I suspect the girls may do more when it comes to it than you are expecting now.

Neighbours or a paid for helper are happy to microwave a meal or fetch bread milk etc. Arrange your furniture in advance to be near phones and window etc so you can stay in touch and summon help if needed.

I have fibro so have to do this type of thing often and would not want to trouble the kids as often as I would need help, you can buy a plastic hat thing that dry washes your hair, get a grabber they are invaluable .........
surround yourself with good books and treats..........

good luck

My kindle put that apostrophe in!

Watermeadow, if you're in Northumberland I'd be happy to help with your dog's.

Sorry to hear about your situation watermeadow. If the party loving daughter has kids then I hope that amy offspring she might have will be more considerate of their mother!

Does the website Streetlife.com operate in your area? It aims at building the local community and is my first port of call for everything local. In the help section you could ask if any neighbours might walk your dogs.

Wishing you all the best.
Sue

When DH has had surgery they made absolutely sure of his ability to do any tasks that he needed to do. They have a unit in the hospital set up like a kitchen where they get you to do tasks while they watch and offer helpful suggestions or equipment to ensure you can complete those tasks safely. They also made sure that any equipment or help was in place before he was allowed to come home.

Could you put the dogs in a pet hotel for such as people use for holidays for the duration of your recovery? It really seems like too much responsibility to look after pets when you are laid up.

It does sound like you are going to need other assistance too for a while. Could friends or neighbours assist? Might you be able to buy some temporary help? Perhaps your daughter might change their minds. They do seem to be a little offhand about your recovery. Others seem to have some good advice about getting some NHS/state assistance for a while.

Anyway, good luck.

You are lucky anno I think sometimes these days friends and partying
are more important than family. Sad but true.

The hospital OTs wouldn't let me go home after my shoulder replacement until they had phoned Adult Services and arranged for them to visit. As it happened, once I had seen them I decided I could cope perfectly well without help - and I did. However, your situation is different and I would hope that help could be arranged before you are discharged. I must say that going to a party seems a poor excuse (not a reason) for your daughter's attitude. Is she under pressure from her husband? I know that both of my sons (and their OHs) would bend over backwards to give me the care I have, in the past, given them.

Just had a quick Google and there are 3 or 4 professional dog walkers in your area. Hope this might be of some help. Like others have said-spend some money on getting yourself and your dogs looked after, you deserve it.

Oh dear watermeadow, it is sad when family can not be relied on.
I would be really upset if my family treated me in that cavalier manner, perhaps you should not be so readily available to their requests for help in the future.
DH is looking after me but my sister and BIL cook meals and bring them to the house so that he may have a day off.