Shared finances or not.

We did have a joint account but for various reasons now have separate ones. We still share costs equally, and it works well.

I can appreciate it working for some people, but just don't find it fair that my friend makes equal contribution from a much smaller income.

We've always had separate accounts. In my case several of them for various different reasons. I prefer to be independent. We share out the costs and each pay for different things. Its worked very well for us for 30+ years. Everyone is different. How they arrange their finances is their business.

Our incomes are now pretty similar since leaving my last job. Before that I definitely paid the major share for most of our marriage, which I confess to sometimes finding a bit wearing, but that's how things go, isn't it?

We have always had a joint account, and pooled everything.
However I do know exactly how much is spent each month, and on what
I think that's more important than each one having their 'own' money.

We only have a joint account and share everything we have. If we have a bit spare cash (chance would be a fine thing) then we both have a bit spare cash and if we are particularly hard up then we are both hard up. It works well for us. Neither of us have to ask the other one to buy anything, but we do discuss larger purchases. I couldn't imagine being in a relationship where one had loads of money stashed away and the other was flat broke. Anyway each to their own.

We are same as gillybob.
But I think that all marriages wrok differently.

What does your friend think of her arrangement KateK?

Personally I stay well away from other peoples' financial arrangements.

One thing to mention on paying bills I would say this.

I had to contact BT to enquire about a bill that had an issue and they have instruction to speak to person named on the bill/account only, I had to get my husband to speak to them! The same happened with my father when he was Ill, I arranged for Power of Attorney. Now we have every utility, important account in both our names both for ease now and to cover any events in the future.

She can be a bit resentful STB, but appears to think that this is pretty normal. She's surprised at how much more my DH and I discuss things. Horses for courses I suppose, but if you're in a partnership isn't everything supposed to be equal??

We have both a joint acc for bills which both pay into and our own accounts into which salary or pensions in my case are paid into. We have worked it this way for 25yrs and it works well for us. I like to be independent and I also had a bad experience with not having access to my own money in my first marriage so like to keep things simple this way.. we share big purchases of course.

Oh I never comment Soon.....that goes without saying. Their business.

Even when my husband left me for someone else we still had a joint bank account for quite a long time afterwards as we both trusted each other totally when it came to financial matters [and we were supporting our children through uni at the time and paying bills for them].

I have always had my own account and use this money for housekeeping and gifts, DH pays all bills including credit card purchases. I saw the results of my mother's generation being reliant on their DHs. My mother had what she called a running away fund hidden in the house and decided from an early age that it made sense.

We've always had a joint account, even during the couple of years when I wasn't working.

I suppose if one partner was really extravagant or bad with money, it might make sense to have a different financial arrangement.

It strikes me as really mean for a husband to buy his wife a car but then expect her to pay him back, especially as the wife earns considerably less. It's not my idea of a partnership.

Share and share alike in this house. Any savings are in my name for tax purposes but are considered ours. Purchases over a certain amount are discussed.

Joint account, and one of my own, but savings in separate ones.

I suppose you could point out to her sometime, that lots of people dont do it that way? Just in conversation.

I too like things equal.
But I know that other peoples' lives dont run like that.

It is tricky if you want to say something to her to help her know that lots of other people dont do it like that.
Would she thank you for that sort of general conversation?

What's his is mine ( joint account), what mine is mine ( my account). Worked for us for 40 years. Money has never been an issue in our relationship. Probably because I was the only wage earner when he was a student, too young and in love to let finances bother us! x

Katek I know several people who are on second marriages who arrange their finances in the same way as your friend. They think that it's completely fair to split all the outgoings even though their incomes may differ greatly - and yes I know that one of the couples has done the same thing with the purchase of a new car. where the wife is repaying the husband.

I probably could Soon, but not sure to what end. She's very entrenched in her thinking, quite old fashioned in many ways despite the fact that she's younger than me. For instance her DH is very, very reluctant to do any household maintenance, he will start a job and then leave it unfinished for months, so the house is in a state with tools, materials etc. I've been round for coffee and asked her why she just doesn't put it all in the shed, but DH wants it left as he 'might' do some at the weekend. And so it's left. I then asked why she didn't just get professional help in, the job would be done and it might change his attitude if it hit him in the wallet, and she was horrified. Apparently she would have to pay the account if she did that, and was very surprised to learn that's exactly what I would do - and pdq - if my DH behaved that way. It's as if the man of the house is the boss - what happened to women's lib? What did we fight for?

Grrrr!

I once knew a woman who told me quite proudly " X lets me have the cheque book on a Friday". I've never forgotten that. I simply couldn't bear to be in such a relationship. Independence really matters to me. I'm with DH because I want to be not because I'm tied to him financially. As I said previously I have various accounts of my own as does DH. We share costs. No problems or resentment. I reckon joint accounts are more likely to lead to recriminations.

We both know what each other has money wise, but I hate the idea of a joint bank account, I had one in my first marriage and I decided it wasn't for me. In this marriage we have the same attitude to money which helps, neither of us are out of control spenders, or try to hide personal expenditure from each other. Having said all that and my experience of a joint account was that in order to keep a tally, it was necessary to disclose how I spent my own money and vice versa, I just don't like having to account for what I spend. I like to be in complete control of my accounts without any interference. It works for us we don't argue about money. I guess it's horses for courses, I know a lot of people like joint accounts and if they are both happy with that then it isn't a problem.