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Rude

(26 Posts)
Dragonfly1 Fri 21-Mar-14 12:17:57

I'm sitting on a pub car park waiting for a friend I'm meeting for lunch. At her insistence it had to be twelve noon. It's now 12.15 and she's just texted to say she'll be late. No indication of how late. She does this every time. I think it's rude and implies that my time isn't important. Rant over.

Mishap Fri 21-Mar-14 12:21:07

Rant away! - it would get up my wick too!

Brendawymms Fri 21-Mar-14 12:22:40

I'm afraid I'm totally time obsessed and would not cope at all well with anyone being late. I would also rant but also when they do turn up would probably not say anything.

Dragonfly1 Fri 21-Mar-14 12:26:57

I'm still bl***y sitting here. I'm getting quite tetchy now. I should know better and turn up half an hour after the agreed time. Ten more minutes and I'm off home.

Charleygirl Fri 21-Mar-14 12:36:30

Brendawymms, I am like you, and maybe worse. Five minutes before I am supposed to meet somebody I am thinking already that person is late. I also would hang around until they turn up and not say anything. Luckily my friends, with one exception, are not like that. I usually turn up 15 minutes early, giving plenty of time for traffic etc to find one friend already there.

Grannyknot Fri 21-Mar-14 12:51:13

Hugely rude given that she insisted on a 12 o'clock time. I often think that there's a bit of power play involved when people are late.

I can't tell you how many Christmases over the years have been spoilt by one family member (who usually contributes the ham so there's the power and control aspect!) being an hour, to two hours late. Makes me hopping mad.

MiniMouse Fri 21-Mar-14 13:11:39

I have a family member who's the same! As she's such a nice person, I don't say anything (coward, I know wink), but I just adjust the timing of the lunch or whatever to allow for her lateness! I suppose you could take it as a compliment - you make her feel so relaxed that a bit of lateness doesn't matter smile

Hope she turned up eventually and that you enjoyed your lunch together.

Nelliemoser Fri 21-Mar-14 13:25:42

Grannyknot it sounds like you are talking about my DS. I never quite know if it's him or his girlfriend who causes these delays.

GillT57 Fri 21-Mar-14 14:44:42

A friend used to work in Japan, and there being late is appallingly rude, it is treated as 'theft of time' from the people waiting. I think this is a good way to think of it. We all get stuck in traffic/lose keys/etc., but habitual lateness is very rude.

Dragonfly1 Fri 21-Mar-14 15:12:05

Well she eventually arrived 40 minutes late. Plausible excuse, but then it always is. Anyway, nice pub lunch and a natter, but next time I'll not rush around to get there on time! And no, I didn't say anything. Should have, really.

janerowena Fri 21-Mar-14 15:21:41

Some people can't bear to be the first there. I have met a couple of people, usually women, who refuse to enter anywhere and be the one waiting.

Grannyknot Fri 21-Mar-14 15:26:50

MiniMouse you're a better person than me!

It was always at my MIL's house - if it was at my place, we'd be eating without the ham and they'd be eating it with the left overs. Served with a smile grin

soop Fri 21-Mar-14 16:11:06

Dragonfly...in future, as you rightly say, turn up at least 20 mins after the appointed time. Sorted! wink

grannyactivist Fri 21-Mar-14 16:15:08

Every month I have a manicure (big treat) and then meet one of my friends for lunch afterwards. I phone as I'm leaving the salon so that she doesn't have to hang around waiting for me.

Dragonfly1 Fri 21-Mar-14 16:16:37

Indeed Soop. But then that makes me feel uncomfortable and rude! I've always had a thing about being punctual. I think it's a social grace.

Elegran Fri 21-Mar-14 16:27:28

Take a book with you next time, Dragonfly and make sure that you are seen to be reading it when she appears. Comment "I thought I might as well bring it and finish what I was reading, as I knew you are always delayed. Next time we meet, I think I shall put it in my diary as half-an-hour later than we arrange"

With a smile! - but the next time you do arrange something, say "I'll put that down as xxx then - but you be there at yyy!"

She is probably not even aware that she does it, but if it is out in the open she may make a point of leaving a bit earlier - and will get there at the right time. Maybe!

Dragonfly1 Fri 21-Mar-14 16:37:08

Good advice Elegran! I really should know better, I've known her for almost forty years and she's always been the same. I was always surprised that she managed to be in her classroom in time for the children coming in each morning. And yet she seems to be extremely well organised. Bit of an anomaly!

Thistledoo Fri 21-Mar-14 18:51:00

OOOOO I hate folk that always run late. Its the height of bad manners and totally inconsiderate. I would raise the issue with her in and say that unfortunately you will have to leave early as you have a prior appointment, thus cutting short your lunch by the same amount of time that she was late.

BlueBelle Fri 21-Mar-14 19:01:44

I can't bear it either however hard I try I am ALWAYS early and end up tapping my feet and feeling irritated luckily most of my friends are pretty punctual

Elegran Fri 21-Mar-14 19:05:16

When I was a lot younger I had a friend (who sadly died aged 37) who was always half-an-hour late when we met. It became a standing joke, and we would really, seriously, arrange to meet half-an-hour earlier than we meant to, and she was always there half-an-hour late - at the very time we would have arranged if we had not been well aware of her habitual lateness. It seemed to be a psycholocal thing with her.

Bellasnana Fri 21-Mar-14 20:15:14

Living in Malta for over thirty years I have had to resign myself to the fact that most people are very relaxed about punctuality. We call it 'Maltese time' - in other words, they will turn up when it suits them.
I was brought up to believe it is bad manners to be late so I am usually a little early just to be on the safe side [ polishes halo] smile

rosesarered Fri 21-Mar-14 20:28:13

I would have gone into the pub and sat with a large G&T until she turned up [and read on my Kindle.]Some people are habitually late, and there is definitely a psychological for this, I wonder what it is? They fuss about the house almost trying to put off going out.I have 2 friends who will certainly be late for their own funerals.

harrigran Fri 21-Mar-14 22:57:50

Lateness is rude and shows lack of consideration for others, habitual lateness suggests they consider themselves more important than the person they are meeting.

rosequartz Fri 21-Mar-14 23:34:18

I have often wondered if it is inherited like other traits. MIL was always infuriatingly late and one of our DC is too. Surprisingly, neither was/is late for work that I know of.

rosequartz Fri 21-Mar-14 23:43:58

It doesn't seem to make any difference how they are brought up or what is instilled in them regarding manners, etc, as the other DC are not like it.