Moving stuff at someone else's house

This would very much depend on circumstances and as both my AC are generally neat and tidy they do manage to keep on top of their housework despite both working full time. However, if I were at either of my AC homes, during adult illness etc for nstance, probably the only places I would volunteer to help clean and tidy would be the kitchen and the bathroom for hygiene reasons.

Bedrooms are private places surely? My GC are all old enough to change their own beds, tidy up and run the hoover around.

My AC would, if asked, do some cleaning for me if I were unable to cope but they are of the same frame of mind as me, keep the kitchen and bathroom hygienic.

None of our family would invite anyone to stay or even visit for a day and expect them to clean up, that would be done before they arrived!

I would not like a family member cleaning while looking after her GC. It is not necessary and detracts from the main purpose of her visit. I too would be annoyed if my things were not put back in place.

She is not asked to clean, she asks to clean ie sweep, vacuum, dishes she wanted to do laundry and put it away but that is just weirds me out, her all up in my underwear, our bedroom and drawers. So I said No on the laundry. I am a very tidy person but of course I am working mom and life gets busy and my house is not as clean as it was before I had my son, who in 3, so he only kinda picks up after himself.

Thank you that is how I feel!

I would say "no" (kindly) to cleaning or direct her (if you can't stop it) to washing up.
Ideally I'd tell her you want her to focus on your little boy to bring him precious one-off- one time. After all, that's what she's agreed to do.

When DD1 was small, we occasionally asked DH’s mother to Babysit. She said she was bored just sitting around and would do the ironing. Not a problem, until her hairdresser (who unknown to her, did my Mum’s hair out of hours, at home) mentioned a client ‘having’ to do all the ironing for her son’s wife - me! I was livid and after that used to hide the ironing basket in the chest freezer!

I go to my daughter & son in law's home to dog sit while they go on holiday ... I say to my daughter I will get you washing up straight, which I do ... yes very grateful, may I add no ironing !!! I wash it dry it fold it , I never go in their drawers to put things away ... I usually put it in their spare room folded ... if I tidy up the table I make sure everything left on there, but tidier, maybe in a corner ... yes vacuum & tidy up the lounge, kitchen, etc rooms I use ... they have a cleaner once a week. My daughter & son in law are grateful. When my husband was alive, he would vacuum & do the disher washer etc ... & mow the grass when they had lawn ... this caused no problem what so ever. I would never ever move things as such. What if she moved something important ... is she really that forgetful I wonder or just wanting things how she wants them . If she wants to do things get her to bring her own things to do , or even start a jigsaw / wasgig then say something like, I have started this so you can carry on ... she hasn't any right to mess or move things in your home !

I am afraid, I would not allow my mother, or anyone else come into my house and do any housework when I was not in the house, certainly none that meant going into drawers and cupboards and fossick among my papers.

I would firmly and kindly make it clear that I as grateful for the child care but that housework is completely off bounds.

She sounds as if she's simply wanting to be helpful but if this isn't something you're comfortable with then just say thank you but I just want you to enjoy the time with your GC.

When I was looking after GS1 five days a week I used to do odd bits of cleaning for DD and do things like finishing the washing up, hanging the washing up to dry and keeping an eye on the slow cooker. I used to find myself cleaning corners of her flat far more thoroughly than I would have done at home. She would certainly have told me if she didn't want me doing it. I think she was quite happy to come home and find the washing up was done and put away and that the fairies had kindly sat and put all her complicated washable nappies back together!

When I go over to mind the grandchildren, now they are older (10 & 5) I often take ‘time out’ from playing make believe with L’il Miss and empty and reload the dishwasher whilst making myself a cuppa. I’ve even been known to be bold enough to empty the washing machine, root around in a kitchen drawer for the peg bag ? and hang the laundry outside in the garden whilst it’s sunny.

I suppose it depends upon how much one does and the relationship between the grandparents & the grandchildren’s parent(s). Fortunately for me I’ve never been reprimanded.

I would be grateful for the help.

It can be annoying even if well meant. My son in law did quite a lot of gardening when I was getting ready to move.He put all the flower pots in the skip but I retrieved them later.
In the new house he arranged the tins etc in the larder. Threw out all near sell by date including herbs and chutney. Then he neatly put everything on the top shelf where I couldn't reach It!
When I had my 1st baby 2 aunt's insisted on tidying the kitchen and washing all the glasses and crockery.They broke a couple of things in their rush for perfection.?

I used to stay with my DD when I was looking after my GCs as I lived too far away to go home.
When they both went to school I would drop them, do the shopping for their evening meal then if it was a sunny breezy day I would peg out the washing. Now I wonder if they were annoyed about that. They didn't tell me if they were.

I do housework - asked by DD to tidy up while I'm there, and happy to do so. But I do not touch papers, open drawers or wardrobes etc.
I do not do housework for my DiL unless specifically asked - empty the dishwasher/ hang out laundry etc. DS wouldn't mind at all but I worry that DiL might take it as criticism even though none would be intended at all.
I remember feeling very upset when I found my mum running her finger across the top of a doorway and inspecting it for dust!

You reminded me of my friends mum. Every time they went on holiday, her mum would spend several days spring cleaning the house. This included washing curtains, carpets and defrosting the freezer! My friend was very grateful to come back to a spotless house and I was jealous that my mum did not clean my house while we were away!

No way would I want my MIL cleaning my house, I'd find it insulting that she should offer to do it.
If she really insisted I'd suggest she clean the windows and floors BUT NO MORE.

I had friends whose mothers would come round and clean for them.

I would feel deeply insulted if someone had done that for me. I run my house my way and whether it is clean or dirty, tidy or untidy, is nobody's business but mine.

My AC know I will always help if needed, but wait a request. if they want me to do somethin, they decide what this is.

My son and wife are both far less tidy and houseproud than I am. When there I sit in their house as they have it. That the household is happy and the children thriving are the things about any family home that really matter.

When my children were small and at nursery part time I worked 6 hours a day on 3 days. My Mum looked after them for a couple of hours in the afternoon until I got home but one day a week she used to come early to clean my house (only downstairs), I never asked her to but I have never been more grateful, I have never been keen on housework. Sometimes we couldn’t find things but wouldn’t say anything in case she stopped. She then emptied my washing basket, took it home and brought it back washed and folded. She continued to do this for many years when I worked full time and only stopped when she became ill.
Fortunately my daughter has a cleaner and my son wouldn’t let me clean his flat.

Everyone is different so you have to go with what you feel comfortable with. Some people are obviously happy with mum doing everything, even going through their knicker drawer, other's don't like it. Somehow you have to communicate your wishes and let her know what you don't want, without upsetting her.

M i L used to try ton rearrange things in the kitchen we came to visit, until it was pointed out that, right or wrong, that was how we liked it, and we did not rearrange her house when we were there.
Doing a job at someone else's house, I try to take my own gear.
I don't know what they have, where bit is, or possibly how it works.
If possible leave well alone, unless asked to alter / mend.

I stayed in Kew for four nights last week, looking after my granddaughter while her parents were away. The only housework I did was a load of washing and I put the dishwasher on. I had to clean a bit of the carpet too as my granddaughter managed to spill a full glass of orange juice all over the floor!

I wouldn’t like it at all to be honest , if she was there to be looking after her grandchild that would be it! As long as he or she was ok that’s all I’d be concerned about, I wouldn’t want her cleaning my house.wether she wanted to or not, it wouldn’t be happening. If the grandchild had made a mess then fair enough clean that up but anything else I would be doing myself

Offering to clean is offputting

Offering help is the right way to go - if the owner of the home says "Clean", not offputting

Yes, I would put the things where I found them or ask the people who live in the home where they want it

Your mil is not helping you by giving you more work afterwards