Daughters behaviour - is this normal?

It is indeed a great shame that your daughter didn't warn you of the possibility of bed-wetting. BUT, you know your daughter can be trying. Also, even kids who have been dry for years can have bed-wetting episodes so some mattress protection is always a good idea on an expensive mattress.

I can understand where you are coming from but to be honest did you ask your daughter if the kids slept through the night need lifting or waking etc
I would have put a mattress protector on anyway you obviously don’t have them to sleep or you would have known and small kids in a strange bed would always be a red flag
I can’t see that it is connected with your daughter disrespecting you she maybe never thought about it if it happens regularly

I too have a DD who does not respect my belongings and even accuses me of being too clean, fussy, etc. All I run is a clean tidy home which she and her children soon wreck the minute they arrive. I would never dream of doing this in my mother's house or my DDs.

Every mattress in our house is protected . It is not worth the risk not to .

Why does she stop talking to you?

The mattress - while it is not ideal, an accident or two does not ruin it

I would suggest to put a waterproof mattress protector

She let you have her kids for several days, despite your rocky relationship -please appreciate that fact and do not mention anything

You also say you have a nice home - is it child proofed though?

A lot of times, the concept of "respect" is different for different people.

When young children have stayed with me I have always prepared the bed for the possibility of an accident during the night. Years ago I remember my granddaughter's worried little face as she got into bed at my home. She then asked me what would happen if she wet the bed. I was able to smile and reassure her that the bed was protected and not to worry. It's the responsibility of the home owner to be prepared.

I agree with you Joolsie your daughter should have warned you about the child's bedwetting. Don't get things out of proportion though, I don't really see she is not respecting you. It's a shame about the mattress but now you are aware of the problem you can deal with it in future. I hope things improve with your daughter and you continue to enjoy time with your grandchildren.

I wouldn’t necessarily have thought to protect the mattress for a six year old, even though accidents can and do happen at that age.

Mine were all dry at night from three years old, mostly, with the odd accident. I would have expected my daughter to let me know.

Try not to focus on it though, and just be pleased you can have them to stay. You’ve said you’ve always had a difficult relationship with your daughter, so you shouldn’t be too surprised by this.

Just scrub your mattress down, and protect it in the future.

I can understand how you feel Joolsie, it was thoughtless of your D not to let you know about your GS's bed wetting.

As DiscoDancer has posted, I also wouldn't have thought to have a mattress protected fora 6 year old. You go on your own experiences don't you, and if your own children were dry at night, you wouldn't expect your GS to be any different.

I suspect that had this been an unusual event, you would have felt differently, but knowing from his sister that he does this on a regular basis at home and your D not telling you, is annoying.

I hope the mattress cleans up OK.

I agree. It wouldn't have taken much for your daughter to warn you about the bed wetting. To be honest, I wouldn't automatically assume a six year old would be wetting the bed.

When we have our GS I always move ornaments etc. out of reach. It makes sense really, even though he has never tried to grab any of them, thanks to his mum explaining that he shouldn't.

My ex SIL had children who were wild and broke loads of my MIL's knick knacks. My children were told never to pick ornaments etc. up without permission. Might be going a bit off track here but I think children should be taught to respect other people's things.

I agree PinkCosmos. I never put thing out of reach when our boys were little as they were taught not to touch without asking first.

It was often quite an eye opener when I had other mums and their children when there seemed to be an 'anything goes' attitude.

Personally i would have made sure that my kids had everything they needed, would have sent it with them or offered to buy any bits and pieces to live at that house if staying was going to be a regular thing. It does seem odd not to have mentioned it, however you have said there have been tensions. Might any of the following be the case?

1) is the sister exaggerating?
2) is your daughter stressed or was she pretty harrassed when she left?
3) have any of your previous arguments made reference to the fact that you know fine well how to care for children, having raised some yourself? (in which case has she assumed that you have it covered and/or will not thank her for checking)

She should have told you. Not just because of the mattress, but in case the child got upset. I wouldn't automatically protect the mattress.

You can clean it and there is a spray available on Amazon that will remove the stain and smell worth a go if you don't want to replace the mattress.
I wouldn't make a big fuss over it with your daughter of you don't want to loose contact again I am sure the older child would have mentioned it so say it happened but don't make a drama about it. Buy a good mattress protector and pampers bed mats if they visit overnight again.

I'd be less concerned about the mattress and daughter disrespecting me and more concerned with health of the child. If the child is wetting the bed every night at 6 years, I think there is perhaps a medical/domestic problem. Is there discord in the daughter's home? Has the child been checked out for a urine infection or other problem? When my grandson started to wet the bed at around 8, he was diagnosed as having Type 1 diabetes. I'd check with your daughter if she has taken him to doctor. Meanwhile, in future you know to protect the mattress and reassure said grandson that he is not in trouble.

Maybe she thought you already knew. I wouldn't assume it is lack of respect, I'm sure she appreciated the break and you enjoyed spending the time with them. This isn't really anyone's fault

It seems very unkind of her not to warn you. However little fuss you made the boy must have realised that you were surprised which probably upset him. I wouldn't make too much of it with your daughter though as the boy will probably pick up on it and it will make it seem more of a problem in his eyes.

Devorgilla

I'd be less concerned about the mattress and daughter disrespecting me and more concerned with health of the child. If the child is wetting the bed every night at 6 years, I think there is perhaps a medical/domestic problem. Is there discord in the daughter's home? Has the child been checked out for a urine infection or other problem? When my grandson started to wet the bed at around 8, he was diagnosed as having Type 1 diabetes. I'd check with your daughter if she has taken him to doctor. Meanwhile, in future you know to protect the mattress and reassure said grandson that he is not in trouble.

I am sorry that your grandson was diagnosed with diabetes and hope that he is doing well. However for the majority of bed wetters at 6 yrs old there are no physical or emotional reasons for the wetting. Often it runs in families so maybe dad was late at being dry at night. Statistics show that about 15% of 6 year olds are wet at night. By 7 it is recommended to be referred for a night alarm which helps train the child to recognise when they have a full bladder and need to get up to wee.
I would definitely have mattress protectors for young children and older relatives too ! Accidents can happen .

I have a tense relationship with my daughter too but I figure if I want to have my grandkids visit me, I should not put 'things" before that. If they wreck something, it's only an object. Yes, they should respect things and yes, your daughter could have warned you, but it's not as important as being with your grandkids.

Just know you need to protect your important things; just assume the worst. Keep valuables up and away. Protect mattresses from accidents.

I have a very neat home too but before grandkid visits I always picture what could they could damage and then protect whatever it is. Right now they have pull ups for accidents in bed during naps or the occasional sleepover with mom, but when they stop using those I will protect the mattress.

agree with Bluebelle.
you can get what are called pyjama pants for youngsters.
also wise to protect a mattress regardless.
and a child that is dry at home may not be elsewhere.

Joolsie - mothers and daughters!!! But then, I have a difficult son too. I have 3 children, the older two are quite difficult. I’m scared to say more, because I will be pulled up on it ?

There is a hormone that can be in small quantities in some children that stops the kidneys producing a lot of urine overnight. It usually improves by about 8. More common to be lacking in boys. So definitely not his fault. Your daughter should have prepared you and in future put mattress protectors on beds children sleep in but don't make a big thing as it may upset your grandson. Treat it as a lesson learned and be prepared in the future.

Good to know I'm not alone