Family don't pitch in and help

They aren’t as interested/invested in these gatherings as much as you. Shame but there it is.

You can do one of two things.

Dial back the thought/care/preparation/expense by not only keeping it simple but minimalist too. Crisps and nibbles, pizzas in the oven for everyone
Or
Accept the situation.

I know what I’d do.

Or stop having so many gatherings and parties and when the lazy family members ask why, tell them!

This always seems to happen. You could say you've done enough events and someone else can take over so you can actually enjoy them instead of working. Tell everyone at the same time ( at your final event perhaps) and see how many step forward.

Do it ‘pot luck style’………allocate everyone a dish to bring, whether they buy or cook is up to them…….and ask them to bring cutlery and crockery too. I know it sounds extreme but they might just get the message and when the6 take home their own pots etc you’ll only have your own to wash up! Sorted!

Unless they take their turn. Share the load and help you, just say no. Don’t do it. They are taking advantage of you big time.

FriedGreenTomatoes2 its not that I am more interested in these events, I really am not as I don't really care for these things and I am not the one suggesting them either. Its more something for our parents sake as they like to have everyone together but cannot really do it anymore.
The family seem to make a decision that we will have a gathering for a certain occasion and then do nothing to organise it.

Astitchintime

Do it ‘pot luck style’………allocate everyone a dish to bring, whether they buy or cook is up to them…….and ask them to bring cutlery and crockery too. I know it sounds extreme but they might just get the message and when the6 take home their own pots etc you’ll only have your own to wash up! Sorted!

This was the approach we tried this time but as I mentioned the family who never pitch in just said go buy it and tell us how much we owe !

I find myself agreeing with FGT2 on this one

We find this with OH's family. Some just turn up, eat and go asap while the rest of us stay and wash up etc. We just enjoy the extra time we have together, having a chat with tea towels in our hands!

Just stop doing it , and if they ask, then tell them straight.

“Please others and you displease yourself” comes to mind.

Would turn your other family member’s suggestion on its head and say ‘yes why don’t you buy something to bring along, am too busy right now to do this, but that would be a really good idea thanks’.
Don’t give in or they will continue in the same way. Break the habit now and insist they do something. And in this good weather would suggest everyone brings picnic things, sandwiches and quiches etc., easy for them to but, eat outside if poss, and get paper plates and cups, then hand the two lazy sisters a black bin liner after to collect all the mess.

Easy for them to buy…

Totally understand your parents enjoyment at having all the family together. Most of us would say the same. However, these things do tend to be assigned to an individual to arrange and never changed unless the person changes it.

As long as you can cope with your home being used I’d send a message round saying you’re pleased to offer space but can no longer cater or shop. No explanation. Then take a vote. Would they all like to bring a dish, or contribute to nibbles. You’ll provide hot drinks if wanted, (alcohol supply to be shared), paper plates, throw away cutlery, disposable glasses, napkins and a paper tablecloth plus black bags for them to help put the rubbish in before they leave.

It’s surprising how normal these changes soon become after the initial sharp intake of breath Perhaps chat to your parents in advance and secure their understanding. The important thing is for folk to share space and socialise, the rest can be adapted.

Good luck. I hope it all works out.

I feel your pain Dancing Duck. Over the last 20 years the majority of family events seem to fall on me to organise.

It has been mainly down to my MIL who is very elderly now. She likes to see the family together. It has now dwindled down to four us us who live locally but can go up to 10 when relatives come from further afield.

It is mainly barbeques. In fairness, we are the only ones with a garden but I end up doing everything - shopping, paying, preparing, clearing up. My DH does the actual barbequing.

I also work full time. In the past we have had significant anniversaries (when my FIL was alive) and significant birthdays. It has always seemed to fall on us to step up on the day.

I have decided to just suck it up these days as I am constantly told that my MIL won't be around for much longer. They have been saying this for the last ten years!!

I do care about them but it would be nice to feel appreciated occasionally

* We tried asking each person to bring one of two items to contribute but was told - oh just buy them and we will give you the money.*

Do just that. Buy an large readymade COLD buffet of "bits" from Iceland (or other downmarket source) and provide paper plates and napkins, disposable glasses . Cheap booze. Remind them all that "like you suggested" they owe you £20 per head .

Again, in this good weather, why not do something different and arrange to meet outside and have a picnic. Everyone bring something ( the lazy relatives told to buy something themselves to the meeting point). All share the expense.
Best of luck!

Is it possible when they suggest it you could answer,,,Brilliant I would love to come,when are you doing it?

Shel1951

Is it possible when they suggest it you could answer,,,Brilliant I would love to come,when are you doing it?

Ha ha love this - I will try it !

I would suggest one of two things (apart from refusing to be responsible for the events)
1. Draw up a specific list of the same number and comparable expense/preparation required for the adult households attending.
If anything isn’t covered - it isn’t provided. And if that means drinks or puddings or the main course- so be it.
2. Suggest you all go to a pub or restaurant and divvy up the bill on a strict per capita basis.
Do NOT offer to get things on behalf of others or to fill any gaps or they simply will not get the message.
You could I suppose invite each household to bring their own food/plates/cutlery/glasses and then you would not even have the washing up to do.
Be firm, be explicit or simply walk away and leave it to “somebody” else.