Children’s behaviour in cafes / pubs

No. I look after my DGS pretty much full-time. I expect him to behave when we go out and if he doesn't, I won't take him again. He can be a little horror and I've taken him home before now when he doesn't behave.

My daughter doesn’t have a problem with her children disturbing the peace in a cafe . She thinks other people’s intolerance is their problem . ( mine included). I’m talking about mega tantrums , and getting up and running round, whereas I think people coming out to enjoy lunch or coffee do not want to hear screaming children .

Does your daughter know how you feel? I would say that I am not going to cafes as it is embarrassing.

I used to remove my daughter there and then if she was being a nuisance.
A "gentle" word in her shell-like ear usually did the trick.

Atqui

My daughter doesn’t have a problem with her children disturbing the peace in a cafe . She thinks other people’s intolerance is their problem . ( mine included). I’m talking about mega tantrums , and getting up and running round, whereas I think people coming out to enjoy lunch or coffee do not want to hear screaming children .

I feel sorry for the waiting staff who would be in terrible trouble if they were tripped up by kids running round and spilt something hot on them.

I had to speak sternly to my little grandson about running around in the supermarket explaining that he might knock over an old or disabled person.

I’m not a strict granny particularly but I do think children should learn manners ie not disturbing everyone else in a cafe.

People like your daughter aremaking cafés and restaurants increasingly uncomfortable places for other customers.
Obviously children will make a bit of noise, wail a bit etc. But parents who let their kids scream, run around and make a racket in restaurants where other people are trying to enjoy a meal are a pain in the arse.

Yes, they are.

But parents who let their kids scream, run around and make a racket in restaurants where other people are trying to enjoy a meal are a pain in the arse.

Hear Hear.

We all pay to go out, even if just for a coffee, why would anyone want that experience ruined by a lot of noise and running around. We always told ours having lunch out was a treat and we expected them to behave, we went equipped with crayons, books to keep them amused, in that area they never let us down, same with grandchildren. I wouldn't contemplate taking a child who wouldn't behave I'd find it too stressful, why pay to be stressed and I would be, if I knew I was ruining other people's enjoyment.

I tend to think kids need to be a little tolerated but your daughter is going way too far. Either her kids aren't ready for the cafe experience or she needs to learn to set boundaries with the kids. Sure, the odd tantrum might happen but running around just isn't on.

I am with Beswitched on this. Badly behaved children and their indulgent parents are a pain in the arse. We are not all enchanted by your children "expressing themselves"

The problem is that parents do not give their children any time and attention when in a cafe.

Children should sit as part of the family group, but not next to each other and then be included in the family conversation. if you are not prepared to do this, you shouldn't eat out with them.

far to often parents and their friends (and grandparents) are so busy yacking to each other or on their phones, the children get bored and cause problems. I have seen a group of mothers take two tables, one for them and one for the children and then completely ignore them.

Many families do not have dining tables so children do not learn how to behave at table, they grab a bite and then are off.
Unless they are used to eating together with adults, how do they learn?

This is seen in reception classes in schools too.

Even without a table, children can be taught basic manners, such as sitting down while eating.

Not just screaming... last weekend I went with two friends to a rather nice hotel for a birthday lunch. At a table behind us a couple gave their toddler a tablet loudly playing cartoons, and set another tablet in front of their baby ( who must have only been about 5 or 6 months).

I turned around a few times to give them 'the look, but they were absorbed in their own phones, not looking up.

I can’t abide unruly children in restaurants/cafés. To allow children to behave like this is lazy parenting not to teach their children good manners.

My DDs were taught to sit at the table showing best behaviour, as were both GDs. Any nonsense had was dealt with there with a quiet word.

I'm usually quite tolerant when it comes to other people's children, and I do sometimes feel a bit sorry to see a stressed out mum or dad trying to control an unruly child. I've been there, so I do understand what it's like, but I do draw the line at the behaviour of some children in restaurants/cafes, and as a parent I wouldn't subject other customers to it.

I had two children, both brought up in the same way, both taught good manners (I tried!), both always ate at the table with us so they were totally used to it. One was an absolute angel (DD) who you could take anywhere, the other was an absolute horror (DS)!

I always remember one occasion on holiday with friends, them with their child and us with ours, going to a restaurant on our last day. The staff were very accommodating, moving tables for us, making space for pushchairs, bringing high-chairs, etc. All was fine until we began to order our meal, then DS decided to start his antics, and there was no stopping him! It was so embarrassing that I immediately removed him, and apologised profusely to other customers/staff. We all trooped out, went back at our apartment, and ordered pizzas instead!Lol I was mortified at the time, but we still laugh about with our friends today. Thankfully, DS grew up to be a thoroughly nice guy, and very well mannered, so I must've done something right!

Children in restaurants has always been a problem when my 2 were young and we were on holiday, we dropped into quite a nice hotel/restaurant for a light lunch during which my children behaved like civilised beings.

We liked it so much, we decided to treat ourselves to dinner there. When we went to book a table there was clearly some unease, but as we wanted to book for 6.30, before it got busy they said yes. We turned up as booked, the children looked at the menu chose their food, ate it normally and stayed seated.

At the end of the meal, the beaming staff congratulated us on our well-behaved children. It was clear they had had problems in the past.

What made me remember this ordinary event? My children were not toddlers, they were aged 9 and 11 and to this day, I have never seen children this age causing problems in a restaurant

My grandson usually behaves impeccably when we go to Costa for his favourite treat - a babycino and a share of Grammy’s tea cake. The one time he didn’t and was playing up in the queue, I turned around, went back to the car and took him home, he was about 18months old then and he’s never done it since!
I think it’s important to learn good manners for being ‘out’ and would never let him run about, I also make sure he’s got things to do to keep him occupied whilst waiting for his meal.

I wish they would reintroduce soft furnishings into restaurants.

There's a lovely French restaurant near me that has very traditional decor - carpets, wallpaper, tablecloths, curtains. I've never had a meal ruined by noisy groups, extremely loud laughing, shrill shouting children the way I have in many other restaurants.
This fashion for wooden floors, bare tables, undressed windows etc means every single noise seems to echo across the place.

Although I say it myself I could take the children anywhere when they were quite young. 4 of them including two stepchildren. It used to delight my mum and dad as they in turn would take them out and know there wouldn't be any " melt-downs " as they were sticklers for good manners.

It was quite a shock for the children to see others misbehaving.
They were a delight growing up but all had different ideas as adults with their own children. With one parent letting the tantrum " play out " then another leading the child away from the situation.

Interestingly, the one who was allowed to "express themselves " kicking and screaming has turned out better as an adult than the one who'd been led away ?

Atqui, tell her daughter how you feel.
If it were me I would refuse to eat with them any longer; simply get up and walk out of the restaurant, having told your daughter, loudly, that you will not tolerate her poor parenting skills.

I took my DS & my DGD (3yrs) out this week for a late breakfast at our local Bistro at the bottom of my Road,she sat quietly and ordered her food with daddies help asked for hot chocolate with "please & thankyou's" expressed to the waitress,she ate her food with knife & fork telling me it was delicious DS & DIL are very good with her and have always taken her out to eat if she has ever been a problem DS has removed her this has happened a couple of times when she was younger but not now,her mummy is very strict on table manners I wonder if it is to do with her heritage which is half Chinese all her Chinese cousins are polite when out dining with parents.

I can’t imagine this happening, but would reprimand my grandchildren myself if I had to, and deal with the consequences of having done this, with my daughter once outside.

This behaviour is unacceptable. You are right to be concerned.