Retiring and living frugally in money from downsizing after years of stress

Do not give the unkind people who abused you anything at all, even though they are your children. It will backfire, be used against you...you will regret it. You will be berated for anything you do and it will be twisted back on you somehow. [Voice of experience here, believe me].

You need your income for your own life and welfare in the future. Investments go up and down, costs of care only rise. Look after yourself. I repeat look after yourself and your needs and expenses...not 2 very selfish and cruel children who are old enough to stand on their own 2 feet.

A friend of mine sold her house a couple of years ago(The house was mortgage free and she realises now it was a stupid thing to do but at the time she wanted to clear some Debt)she gave each of her three children £15,000 and within six months they were back asking her for more.
She lived in caravans for a couple of years and she’s finally got a council flat locally. She’s 64…..(I realise the circumstances are different but basically she ended up with nothing)

Go for it, but keep the money to spend, save or invest as you wish. Your children will get what’s left in due course.

My youngest moved 100 miles away to live with her then boyfriend, now happily married with children, it’s really not a difficult distance, but my son moved 5000 miles away!

Elaine, you must put yourself first, as a mother you have raised and educated your children. I-hope this cottage has other homes nearby and a village to walk to. You must not be completely cut off because that will make your life much harder. Do not give your children the money yet. Two months rent at most. Get settled in and give yourself time to adjust, once money has gone you cannot get it back.
Let us know hoe you are. Remember the saying, children are all your life because once you have your babies you love and protect them all their lives, you are a small part of theirs..However, they have to be independent of you to manage their own futures. if you don't allow them to do this you are failing them. They are both selfish as the young can be abd need life's lessons,

If you do give them some money,make sure you tie a huge chunk of the remainder in bonds of some kind that are for 1, 2, or 5years that way you can truthfully say you can't help them. Go to your bank or building society for advice on the best thing to do with this money. As others have said it has to last you.

I'd be very cautious about giving AC money up front from the sale of your house. Maybe consider investing it and at the end of each year give them some if you have had a 'good year' and things are looking good. Changes in some costs can't be predicted! We retired early, not really by choice but because work dried up with COVID. We've been managing on a small occupational pension and had about 7 years to eke out our savings which we have managed so far. As you have some land at your new home maybe get some chickens, eggs are a good food source, love scraps from your veggies and chickens are great characters and will give you a reason to get up in the morning. Growing your own will keep your costs down but we found our biggest costs are council tax, running a car (maybe you won't need one?), and utility bills. You can't do much about the Council tax, but perhaps there are cheaper ways to power and heat the home that you can think of? Entertainment for me has been extensive use of our library service, includes newspapers and magazines, online if you can afford WiFi but if not use the WiFi at the library. Radio is great as TV isn't worth watching most of the time anyway, probably not worth the licence fee tbh.

I would invest the £15k in an isa if you can do that in Ireland and next year the same amount and if you feel you must have the interest paid monthly which you can then transfer to your children. If the cottage has been in your family then surely the children will know where you live. There are ISAS which give 4.4% at the moment.

Wishing you all the good things Elaine, hope everything goes well for you and you enjoy some peace in your life.

rafichagran

Wishing you well. X

I don't think you should financially reward your childrens disgusting behaviour. If you start, they will endlessly pester for more.

They are adults and need to stand on their own two feet now.

sorry that accidentally got attached to Rafichagran

Hello! Thanks again to all of you for your very helpful replies. Re the vacant property grant - I have completed all the very complex paperwork and am waiting for payment - I started the process tow years ago.
Re giving my children the 15k each - I don't really feel they deserve this at all - but otherwise I think it would be very difficult to get them to leave the family home. 15k is about a year's rent in Ireland - well probably 13k - it gives them a year to save for rent for the following year.
Re my adult children knowing the address of my cottage - they do know it as it's been in the family for so long but they won't travel the 100 miles to see me. They only telephone me if they need something.
I am really looking forward to retiring and living simply and frugally. It's been 10 very difficult years. When I go through the door of the family home, if feel on edge, nauseous, stressed, and really down, when I am away in my cottage - still living in a mobile beside it as it's not finished - I feel relaxed, joyous, fulfilled. When I walk through the door of our family home, my son doesn't speak to me. My daughter only comes out of her room for food - she works - but in the evenings is always in her room. If she speaks to me it's always to complain about her job, how tired she is, the cost of living in Ireland, how hard her studies are. Neither of them would ever ask anything about me, if I need help after forthcoming surgery etc, in any case no practical help was offered. The house is also often in a state and I have to keep asking them to do their share which leads to resentment from them. So looking forward to retiring from all of this.
Re investing - I'm hoping to most of the money into government savings bonds.

It sounds like you have had a dreadful time but once you move you will be able to breathe again and that heavy weight will be lifted from your shoulders.
Good luck Elaine, but consider reducing or even splitting the money up for your ungrateful children, because £15,000 coukd burn a hole in their pockets. Suggest you get them to sign a contract, witnessed etc to say this is a one off , final payment.

Sounds like you’ve earned the right to do whatever you want, and if moving and renovating your cottage is that then go for it. It sounds like a perfect idea for where you are in life now. As for your adult children the fact that despite their abusive behaviour you are still thinking about them speaks volumes. They are extremely lucky to be given such thoughtfulness. Go and enjoy your new life with all the peace and quiet you obviously deserve. And don’t allow your family to bully you especially with your money. Good luck to you Elaine and enjoy your future peace. 🌹

You sound a very kind person. Personally, I wouldn't give such children anything. They may well be asking for more than you are happy to give.

Wishing you the very best of luck in your new adventure! Is it really essential to give your children anything at this stage?

go for it! and don't give your children anything - they don't deserve it.
and, personally, I wouldn't leave anything to them in your will either.
my late daughter used to live with me with my granddaughters. one Sunday they left suddenly and didn't leave an address! I only found out by accident that she died 3 years later.
after my daughter's funeral, my son decided to go no contact so I haven't heard from him or his two daughters ever since.
my daughter's two daughters haven't been in touch either so I have no family living near me - i don't count my ex husband as I now dislike him intensely!
but good luck for your future - I hope you live a long and fulfilling life. and please remember you can choose your friends but not your family.

As your children already know your house is for sale then they have plenty of time to sort themselves out without you giving them money. As they have been so unkind to you I don't think I would give them anything. You don't know what might need doing in the cottage or what it might cost so I would be very careful money wise until you're settled in your new home.
I wish you the very best of luck in your new, peaceful life, go for it and enjoy.

If you are having mobility problems now, have you thought of how you are going to get medical attention. Instead of 30k to your ungrateful AC buy a small studio, to rent out until you need something nearer to doctors.

Sounds good but check there's a bus route to essential places like GP, hospital, supermarket. Maybe you currently drive but looking to a long and happy life you may get too old for a car. Perhaps as it's a family home you'll have readymade contacts in the area. Sorry to hear that your children have been so awful to you, I think giving them a cash sum to ease their moves is a good idea but don't be railroaded into more gifts. If they don't know about the property being ? Inherited? don't tell them!!

Sounds a lovely idea! After a couple of years of peace your health will probably improve and you will get other ideas. meanwhile, enjoy! (and I'm with J52 - keep all your money!)

Perfectly sound, go for it. Don't know what tge gifting of money to people rules are in Ireland but GB there is a limit of £3,000 no matrer how many people you spread it over to per year but you can transfer forward the same total if you didn't use it in the last financial year. Sure you will/have looked into it all, just be safe. Given what you feel about your AC you are being very generous. Once you make your decision hope all goes well for you.

I don’t think I would give them anything including your new address! Sounds like you need a calm peaceful life and sometimes this is just not possible with family. Take the money and enjoy the rest of your life. As they don’t want you to sell they obviously don’t need the cash from it.

CocoPops I don’t think tax is payable as long as she lives another 7 years, which I hope she does. AC can be so shitty at times, fuck em! 😡

They will try to trash your name whatever you do. I understand that you feel obligated to give the 15k each. You do what you feel is right. Move to the cottage and enjoy your retirement in peace. Your uncle left you that property to use and enjoy. I hope you have a wonderful, peaceful retirement.

You need to think about what’s best for you now. Don’t give your children anything for the time being as they could end up thinking they can come back for more. You can always set the money aside and put it in an interest earning savings account that can be accessed if / when they might need a little help. But do they deserve it? Enjoy your retirement.