Retiring and living frugally in money from downsizing after years of stress

Yes, Farmor15 - the day was absolutely gorgeous yesterday - 21 degrees and sunny all day. It's very overcast today, but not cold so that's a bonus.

Good news - and a voucher and card.
Onwards and Upwards!

That's good news Elaine. Seems like things are progressing in the right direction despite your difficult daughter.
I'm in Ireland too - looks like a miserable day today- but you must have had a fine day yesterday for your birthday.

Thanks again for all the encouraging replies. Re plans for if my arthritis worsens - there will be three more surgeries and after that I'm not sure. My cottage is on the edge of a village - it's a 5 minute cycle or 10 minute walk. I have lovely neighbours on each side - other detached cottages. I find cycling easy at the moment. The bus stops once an hour about woo metres from the cottage - if I need a mobility scooter there is a path for it outside the cottage - so all in all okay.
Re the 15k each - if it helped to transition my adult children to rented accommodation it would be worth it for me, but I had good news yesterday (and some not so good news), they are both moving out with friends - my son said he just needs deposit and first two months rent - which is fine by me. He is now earning 50k per years since May when he finished college. My daughter is still only earning 16.40 an hour on a trainee contract - so says she will need the whole lot, but I am so relieved they are moving out of the family home and I can sell it and retire.
It was my 60th yesterday - but after getting me a voucher and a card - the day ended up sad really. My son brought up again stuff that my daughter has always falsely accused me of. My daughter has always told a lot of lies about me that very nearly lost my career, including that I used to beat her up. She said different people witnessed it, but when I asked them they said they never saw this and that my daughter was lying. She used to threaten social work and I would give her the number - I worked in a clinical managerial role in our version of the NHS and had all the social work weekend and on call numbers but she never called. She said this stuff to my neighbours, friends, her and my son's friends, my family. My son believes her when my daughter says I used to beat her up, but then says he never actually saw it happen. This was just one of several other lies she told about me and still does. It's quite shocking how one person's narrative can cause so much damage and it is still devasting. Despite this the day was lovely for me yesterday before this. I switched off my phone and drove around the cost, stopping off for lunch and then coffee and cake in the afternoon and buying a book on retirement and another on gardening along the way. Thanks again and warm wishes to you all.

I would seriously take advice from a financial advisor of solicitor as to whether you should gift money to your AC if they have been so horrible. Isn't it time they found their own operating level? I fear that if you give them money they will see you as a soft touch and keep up their horrible behaviour. I would just say that all the money was tied up in developing the cottage. Wishing you peace and happiness!

ElaineMcG47

Thanks. Chestnut. My cottage is at the edge of a village. There is a pharmacy, a convenience store, three restaurants, a pub and a library which is open three afternoons a week - it's a satellite of the larger library in the nearest town. I hope I won't have to move again , though one never kniws what is around the corner. as I love my little cottage and it's 0.5 acre garden - more of a firld still though.

Are you taking bookings 😂

ElaineMcG47

Thank you to all of you for all your supportive replies. I ferl inspired to take the plunge! Silvergirl, I think I will find I spend very little when I retire, the allotment, the library, a book club, snd having friends around for coffee - I like to bake - no work clothes which I hate buying and no commuting. It's sad though the way things have turned out. As I'm moving I was putting lots of photos in frames and loose photos in a fire proof bags tonight - my cousin's family photos got destroyed in a house fire, so I am cautious - into my sideboard. We had such lovely times the three of us, celebrations, holidays birthday parties, communion celebrations, visiting family, having friends around - all lovely photos from these times. That sll changed when they were around 14. I don't recognise now from the teenagers they were and the adults they are today, those gorgeous young children. As teenagers they caused a lot of damage to our home, which I struggled to pay to fix and this happened up until they were 20/21 - no remorse about it at all.

I like the sound of what what your new life is going to be like.
Wishing you all the best ☘️

My mums friend’s husband died, the money she received afterwards she gave to her two daughters.
Would they take her on holiday, would they heck.

"I wonder if a letter from a lawyer giving notice to quit and saying their 15 K is only payable when they have left the premises"
I agree with this too. I hope things are going well with you Elaine

I wonder if a letter from a lawyer giving notice to quit and saying their 15 K is only payable when they have left the premises

A good idea I think.

You sound as though you've had a bit of a tough life and your kids maybe have not been that helpful.

I would not leave your children anything tbh. Not a penny piece Give that money to charity.

Hope you have some good remaining years. If you do leave us early. Make sure that in your Will.
If you have any money remaining in your bank account.

Make sure that your children can't get their hands on it. And specify that none of it for them and should go elsewhere

Seen a lot of deceased children's arguing about disputed Wills , Probate etc. Claiming that the parent was mentally incompetent.
Sad but true

Do you they have a LPA set up. Lasting Power of Attorney in Ireland? Maybe worth getting one.
Get a Solicitor to do it for you.
Well worth the cost.

Anyway, Hope you have a long and happy retirement. Enjoy.

🍀🏡🥰
X

Follow your instinct and move to the cottage which will never be a hotel for your ACs and be far enough away to guarantee that you can separate from them. If you are careful with your money and use your green fingers to make the most out of the garden you will end up eating better and cheaper. I would suggest, however, that you try to curb your desire to please your ACs by gifting them both £15K. I realise your reasoning in this decision but they will know how much you have achieved on the house sale and given that they have behaved badly towards you, they are likely to think that once you have given them an initial amount, they will be able to come back for more. So, when you invest the money do it wisely and in a straightforward way such as a building society guaranteed by the FSA or the Bank of Ireland. You will probably have to use two different places because your money will only be guaranteed up to £120K (that is if the society goes bust). Don't know the situation in Ireland. The other thing is to tell your ACs from the start that you are locking the money away in some form of bond (whether you do or don't) and that way when they come asking after frittering away their £15K should you give it to them, you can say that you can't access the money even if you wanted to.

Your ACs are just that - adults - with university degrees and jobs and a lifetime of opportunity ahead of them. You have more pressing needs and if arthritis continues you might also need a little help around the house so you need a contingency for that. Good luck. You will enjoy the countryside.

Go for it! I would not give your AC any money given all that has happened. Make them stand in their own two feet. They sound very entitled to me.
I’m just age riffing my garden to allow me to stay in my home. Lived here 31 years. My two AC always say to me it’s my house and my money. They don’t expect anything from me. I’ve always said I’m going to spend my money as there are no pockets in a shroud. Good luck whatever you decide to do.

Welcome back Elaine

I have read this thread with it's great advice from Gransnetters I am concerned that given your ACs past behaviour Elaine, that they might not vacate the premises. Is there a chance they will trash the house and try to sabotage the sale do you think? I wonder if a letter from a lawyer giving notice to quit and saying their 15 K is only payable when they have left the premises and providing
the house has been kept clean and tidy prior the sale. Perhaps it would be better to get the AC out of the house before marketing the house? Do the occupiers show prospective buyers around in Ireland. Or do Estate Agents do the viewings In Ireland? Hope that makes sense.

I totally agree that you should go for it - what an adventure!!

I assume they still think of your house as their home, so giving them set up money is actually wise, but I would not give them such a huge sum unless they have a specific plan. A month's rent plus key money, plus a month's food shop should be right. Keep the rest back for when they ask for it.

BUT,
- consider if you fit enough to take on a country cottage
- Sounds like you have done your homework, but paperwork and the actual work are quite stressful in themselves so do you have someone to talk things through with

- Make sure it is not just an escape you want, but a run towards that new life. (Is an alternative to get your grants sorted and sell it on with those in place)

Do you have friends/family or other support where you are going?

Plan well what you are taking, what will fit and what you will do with things like their bedroom contents.

Work out your budgets to ensure that you have enough for a quiet retreat when building work gets going.

A country cottage sounds idylic until you realise how far you are from services, doctors, hospitals, so discuss with local estate agents how saleable it will be after done, and for what price. It is unlikely to be your forever home if it is really rural, especially if you are no longer able to drive.

Do check how good delivery services are in your new area.

Take it at your pace and have fun with it

ElaineMcG47

Thank you all for your kind replies. Thry are reassuring! I didn't think I would make it to 60 due to the impact of alm that happened and is still happening with my adult children. I just want to have a quiet frugal life in the countryside. I grow fruit and veg in my garden and also have a community allotment. I will be moving about 100 miles from my adult children. At the moment they are really angry that I am selling the house. They are both working and have finished university. When I say I am burnt out, that I sm in quite a bit of pain with arthritis, it's like they don't hear it, or don't care.

If they are like that with you, don’t give them money now. Just find your peace and live your life.

Go for it, but tie some of your money up in a bond in case your kids try to wheedle more out of you.
Things happen for a reason, and you being left the cottage is one of them, go and enjoy the peace and the garden, we are only here for a short time .

You need to think about what’s best for you now. Don’t give your children anything for the time being as they could end up thinking they can come back for more. You can always set the money aside and put it in an interest earning savings account that can be accessed if / when they might need a little help. But do they deserve it? Enjoy your retirement.

They will try to trash your name whatever you do. I understand that you feel obligated to give the 15k each. You do what you feel is right. Move to the cottage and enjoy your retirement in peace. Your uncle left you that property to use and enjoy. I hope you have a wonderful, peaceful retirement.

CocoPops I don’t think tax is payable as long as she lives another 7 years, which I hope she does. AC can be so shitty at times, fuck em! 😡

I don’t think I would give them anything including your new address! Sounds like you need a calm peaceful life and sometimes this is just not possible with family. Take the money and enjoy the rest of your life. As they don’t want you to sell they obviously don’t need the cash from it.

Perfectly sound, go for it. Don't know what tge gifting of money to people rules are in Ireland but GB there is a limit of £3,000 no matrer how many people you spread it over to per year but you can transfer forward the same total if you didn't use it in the last financial year. Sure you will/have looked into it all, just be safe. Given what you feel about your AC you are being very generous. Once you make your decision hope all goes well for you.

Sounds a lovely idea! After a couple of years of peace your health will probably improve and you will get other ideas. meanwhile, enjoy! (and I'm with J52 - keep all your money!)

Sounds good but check there's a bus route to essential places like GP, hospital, supermarket. Maybe you currently drive but looking to a long and happy life you may get too old for a car. Perhaps as it's a family home you'll have readymade contacts in the area. Sorry to hear that your children have been so awful to you, I think giving them a cash sum to ease their moves is a good idea but don't be railroaded into more gifts. If they don't know about the property being ? Inherited? don't tell them!!