Hi, my two coworkers are having an extra marital affair. I get on better with the lady than the man. This month, the signs between them both were very obvious. He works in another department. I do not care what they do off site, but the pair are constantly texting each other. My female colleague has a pair of sunglasses (which were the exact distinctive pair he was wearing on a company facebook page). She also asks our boss for breaks 'into town'. Last night he stayed longer than his hours (he leaves at 4, and left just after 5). She wears denim and leather jackets to work and he also kits himself out. He doesn't respond to my business calls as his office is locked with a code pad. Yesterday he was sitting in there ignoring the fact that I was dealing with four clients (two of which were looking for him). Another male coworker confronted him saying 'why are you standing like that?' as he had his arm guarding the door. He comes out of his office looking at his phone - while she's texting. She is constantly scrolling and texting at work on the desk, and I saw him checking her out. She talks about her husband, and whilst it is not my business, our conversation about him was very fake. I find him disrespectful on a personal level as he never starts conversation, frequently turns his back or avoids eye contact. I am a deputy manager at a firm but I don't want to tell my boss what I suspect. She knew I was upset (I've also got family issues including my mother-in-law who's dying of cancer in scotland, my mother who's got bladder cancer, a husband with painful gout, and a father-in-law and have also recovered from pneumonia. Yet she is trying to get my feelings out of me. I temp so I am in a vulnerable position. Any advice would be grateful.
You seem to over share a lot of your personal life as well as a lot of other peoples yet you are surprised that they bring some elements of their personal lives to the job
Personally I would focus on my job only, if part of my job were to oversee theirs then I would be talking with them and reminding them of their duties
If it’s affecting you carrying out your job, say something and note the date and time etc. The Affair is up to them and I wouldn’t get involved, they rarely end happily.
How do we get these kinds of threads coming up on Gransnet?
Ignore the affair. However as he is not dealing with aspects if his job just tell those looking for him you will pass on a message/write a note for him to get back to them. People will get fed up and may well complain about him never being available. Surely his manager will have to ask why?
Click bait nonsense
orchid25. How old are you? If on Gransnet, the assumption is at least elderlyish… so you must have led a very sheltered life not to be able to take this type of behaviour in your stride? This sort of thing happens in almost every workplace in the world!
The signs are obviously all there, new clothes, make up, etc, tho why pick denim as a sign of a ‘loose’ woman? There must be others working in the library who can see this too?
Why are you so upset about all this… you mention your husband has gout and other problems at home… coud it be that you see others having a bit of a lark and you are stuck with problems… ? Sour grapes we used to call it?
Dempie55
She frequently checks her makeup in a mirror? What a floozy!
😁😁😁😂😂
RosiesMaw
I think you should mind your business but if it bothers you that much, look for another job.
Office romances and affairs are as old as the hills.
What colleagues wear to work is between them and the boss and the dress code if there is one and unless you are in charge of HR should not concern you. The sunglasses on Facebook sound quite irrelevant too - are you sure you are not taking too close an interest.
You sound as if you are going through a particularly distressing time, emotionally but you need to distance yourself from this.
Quite agree… ORCHID25 you actually sound jealous? Maybe that others are having fun and you’re not? . Also why mention his salary unless you feel you could be doing his job better?
I agree it’s none of your business what they wear, etc, but if this affair truly impacts on your job and work in the office, rather than you getting annoyed, talk to the colleague who is working with you and say you know what’s going on but don’t care UNLESS it affects work …in that case you might find the need to do something about it…that may frighten them both into being a little more circumspect in the office….
orchid25
I am off today. I may be a 'temp' but I am in the management team (and I job share with her) so yes - I do have something to say about it. Because if a customer comes in and sees inappropriate behaviour they can lodge a complaint.
You don't have to justify or explain your time on the forum to anyone.
Borty
In my experience it's probably best that you grin and bare it. Not ideal, I have been in a similar situation where something was happening on work premises. They knew I knew as I raised it with another employee, whom I believed I could trust, who went to let them know. The situation was turned on me for roumourmongering(is that a word?) I had to leave shortly after as it just became untenable.
‘grin and bare it’! Priceless!
You are a deputy manager, so I presume you are superior to both these co-workers, and therefore well within your rights to tell the man, who is obviously not doing his share of the work that his behaviour in not answering when you need him is unacceptable.
If your place of work has a written dress-code you can also mention his inappropriate clothing, if not, you cannot.
If there is a rule against colleagues having private relationships you can mention that too, if not, once again, you cannot.
There is no reason why you should not take this issue up with your superior. In your place, I would mention that, due to the situation at home with serious illness in the family, you are finding it hard to cope at work with extra work landing on your shoulders, due to your colleagues' unprofessional conduct.
The situation is unlikely to resolve itself, so either you put up with the inconvenience it is causing, or you complain through the appropriate channels.
If you say or do nothing to change this situation, you are running a very real risk of developing stress and having to take sick leave.
In my experience it's probably best that you grin and bare it. Not ideal, I have been in a similar situation where something was happening on work premises. They knew I knew as I raised it with another employee, whom I believed I could trust, who went to let them know. The situation was turned on me for roumourmongering(is that a word?) I had to leave shortly after as it just became untenable.
Just ignore them. I think you are secretly enjoying this. I know I would be. It would certainly make work more interesting.
Susieq62
None of your business unless it is affecting the work
Load or morale of staff! Then you tackle them over work issues NOT. Their relationship as such
All sounds a bit childish to me 🤷♀️
this
She frequently checks her makeup in a mirror? What a floozy!
rafichagran
The affair is none of your business, but the fact it is affecting the work situation is. They seem to be behaving in a unprofessional manner.
Exactly~~~ IF you decide to talk to your boss, do not mention the affair at all !! .... just talk about what this fellow is doing that affects your working conditions.
None of your business. If you cant stand the heat get out of the kitchen.
What a load of gobbledygook 😊
Not your circus, not your monkeys. What are your circus and monkeys is the fact that a job description includes...well, alas, working. A job is not about getting paid to shirk, or dally, or even fornicate, or whatever word you want to use in this situation. What you can do is send him an e-mail about something that depends upon his decision, and cc the bosses, so that he can see that they are in the know, and that you have no qualms about doing this. If he confronts you, tell him you tried calling him, and he will find your missed call(s) on his phone. A bcc would make him angry, and it's not worth it. Their perfume, their clothes, their eyewear, and their snogging is none of your business, I repeat. It's because you are stretched in all directions, and here are these two hamming it up, that you are so upset, not just because they don't pull their weight.
^LucyAnna*
orchid25
For someone who reported me for being 'unpleasant' and 'unnecessary' you are showing yourself up to be a right old cow
Charming!
This is pure comedy 😂😂😂😂
None of your business unless it is affecting the work
Load or morale of staff! Then you tackle them over work issues NOT. Their relationship as such
All sounds a bit childish to me 🤷♀️
I temped for many years when you were somewhere a few weeks and moved on. As this is upsetting you go to your Agency and start looking for another post. If you mean you have a Contract for say a year move on when it finishes. I would guess everyone including the boss knows all about what’s going on so no need for you to do anything but your job. I encountered this sort of situation a lot, including a middle aged lady madly in love with the boss who wasn’t interested, believe me much more difficult to deal with!
orchid25, you appear to have a lot of personal stuff going on with family illness etc and my suggestion would be to focus on your own job and totally ignore anything that is happening at work between these two people.
What they choose to wear and how long a lunch break they have is none of your concern really, is it?
RosiesMaw
The pattern we have seen so often?
Story
Elaboration
A few inconsistencies
Refusal to accept the opinions of others
Indignation
Aggression (attack being the best form of defence)
Insults
Here we go again
Rosies
Are you suggesting that the OP might not be what it at first appears to be 😱
If it affects work I would make sure the bosses knew what was going on, but I would do it discretely, no way am I going to be labeled a whistleblower. The bosses can choose what action to take but if nothing was done I would leave.
Romantic encounters are common in many workplaces, married or not doesn’t seem to matter, women are just as bad as men.
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