Do I leave one son out of my will.

Like Niobe younger son and wife are reliable and helpful. Thank God for that.

I think that in your situation I would give some consideration to my late husband's wishes. If there are grandchildren then leaving his share to them would be fair but otherwise, unless you are very rich and might want to give some to him regardless, I would give to the son that kept in contact and has continued to be family and a gift to the supportive nephew and then try to put it out of your mind.
I don't keep in touch with my father and I told my mother that I hoped he didn't leave me anything because I don't want feelings stirred up again. She got really upset because she got shafted in the divorce but took some comfort from the fact that my sister and I would receive some of the money that she should have got so I promised her that I would accept it.
I think that it goes with the territory frankly. People are free to decide that they don't want their parents or other family members in their lives but they have to accept that they can't then expect to be included in their will. He may well not expect anything but if he does he is being hypocritical.

Oh what a horrendous time you have had.
The main thing is, as far as I am concerned that it is your will, not your husbands. The estranged son may well have been aware of his father's death, but there may be reasons that he didn't attend the funeral etc. Pride is a difficult thing to be lumbered with!
Is there an item that meant something to your son? It might not have much monetary value, but could be left to him, along with a letter explaining how hurt and distressed that you and DH have been by his actions.
The nephew should definitely be left something whether it money or a personal item (s) as a thank you

Our older son has not spoken to us for 9 years, did not tell us of the birth of histwo younger sons, ignored our invitation to his brother's wedding and ignored his brother's attempts to reconcile on several occasions. We have decided to cut him from our will.
In contrast , our younger son and DiL have made sure we have regular contact with our grandson 2-3 times a week and we can call on them at any time for help with household tasks. They ask for ,and listen to, advice which makes us feel involved in their lives.
Our younger son will inherit everything and , as he is also our executor, he can decide if he wants to have a deed of variation when the time comes. I trust him completely.

Have two sons and originally left a 50/50 arrangement in will. Circumstances changed when oldest son anti us though everybody said he was being ridiculous so decided to change will as he was having virtually no contact with us. The solicitor warned us he could contest will. So left it 60/40 with other son executer. He said this would preclude it being contested as the expense would make it not worth the effort. Hope this helps. He also said leave a letter to explain reasons.

Don't know what I would do. At least, good for you for not 'blackmailing' him with it- as I know some people have done with their son or daughter.

Thinking about it, you are lucky in the UK that you have the choice. In most countries I know, one cannot cut out a child from one's will.

We are in a similar position on the point of making our will and having two sons one who has children a new wife and has very little to do with us and seems totally uninterested in our lives and wellbeing.
We have decided though that despite everything horrible that now is happening he is still our son and we will leave both sons equal shares. Life has many challenges and changes but blood is thicker than water and leaving our estranged son an inheritance is one way we can show our love for him even if right at this present time he doesn’t appreciate it.

His behaviour sounds terrible, but write the will the way you want to write it. More than the money, this will be your last message to your son.

I would absolutely leave him out!

He didn’t even bother when his father died. So I’d go ahead and assume that nothing will make him seek contact now.

I see inheritance as a gift of love from one person to another.
It’s not a right. He’s lost the privilege of benefitting from your estate by deciding to live a life without you.

Neither myself nor my husband have made a will as yet, but it has been on my mind a while now as we have an estranged son and have no idea what to do. We own our own home and it was always going to be split equally between our children, and mementos for each grandchild.
I was talking to one of my other children about leaving our estranged sons share to his 2 children, something I hadn’t thought about was it wouldn’t be fair on our other grandchildren as they said why should they benefit from their dad not speaking to us and us never being allowed to see them. I have thought about leaving him a share but not an equal share because after all he was a loving son for a long time before he became estranged.

I know others may not agree but I feel it is important to arrange a funeral in the way that the deceased person would have wanted.
After that, the wife (or whoever else inherits) owns the estate/assets and it is up to her to decide what to do with it.
You do not have to do what your husband wanted. If you would feel bad cutting out your son despite his behaviour, then keep him in the will. You may wish to give him less than your other children and obviously include your supportive nephew.

The only reason I can see for not cutting him out of your will would be his brother's feelings on the matter. Remembering one son in your will and not the other might well ruin their relationship.

I would have bitterly resented it, if my parents had cut my sister out of their wills.

His feelings have been made clear by ignoring the death of his father. Change your will as you think fit and leave a letter to him along with it.

I would make a further attempt to reconcile and then review the situation.

I agree with a pp - if you try again to make contact and again he doesn't respond, I wouldn't feel bad about leaving him out.

Having said that, a childless relative of dh left one nephew (out of four brothers) out of her will. She had taken great exception to his notoriously spendthrift wife - didn't want her getting her hands on any of the money.

However by the time she died they were divorced, and the others made a deed of variation to include him, so please be aware that it's possible for executors to do this, as long as the other beneficiaries agree.

My personal opinion is blood is important and anything left should go down the family. To grandchildren, great grandchildren. Try and get back with your son in f possible. Things go n in families that even the closest don’t know about. There may have been a reason that you don’t even know about why son did not want his father or his funeral. A lot of families have history and secrets.

I think you should be careful here that you don't cause a rift between your children when you die. The idea of leaving a letter to explain how you feel is a good one. Nothing is more likely to cause family division than an unequal will. Can you give it a little more time as others suggest and see if you can build bridges with your son.

Leave him out. He didn’t go to his fathers funeral, despite being told about it and presumably told about your heart attack and operation. He doesn’t deserve anything. I agree with HildaW about leaving him a letter explaining your feelings and your decision, but I certainly would not feel guilty.

Cathy21 there was a similar question asked a little while ago and I commented about my views that Wills really are the most final and definite act in an estrangement situation. Once you have gone there will be no chance for any rapprochement - I know that's obvious but as someone who along with my siblings were written out of a parent's will I would urge caution.
In my case we were all shocked but there were mitigating circumstances, our relative was a nasty piece of work so we were half expecting it. Yet still we were all deeply troubled by the finality of it all, and the lack of communication.
All I'd like to say is even if you do not want to leave any monies then do think of leaving a sealed letter reiterating your feelings and perhaps explaining a little of how you came to the decision. Its all very final at the end and even if the relationship has broken down completely its still a shock when someone dies and all chances of a final farewell are gone. You sound like a decent person so even if your son no longer has anything to do with you perhaps he still has some fond memories. People leave behind relationships and do not fully understand the ramifications and effect it has on others not directly involved. His lack of contact could be a lack of feelings for you, it could be shame at his actions, it could be anything. All the best.

I also have this dilemma. My Daughter no longer has anything to do with me or the rest of the family. I have two Grandchildren who I see very often but not her. My Son and I are still close and he has a Son of his own. I have decided to leave half of whatever I have to my Son and the other half to be split between my other two Grandchildren. If things change in the future with her, I will re-think the situation.

I have been estranged from my mother for more than 20 years

She has made it clear that I will be excluded from her will, and I am fine with that

Do what feels best for you, cut him out by all means, but it’s not worth making a point if it’s going to make you feel guilty

Definitely write in the nephew who has been so supportive. Maybe leave something to any offspring of your estranged son? Would that be feasible?

I suppose leaving him something would give you the higher ground after you've gone and show you were the better person.
it would, but you won't really care then

I am sorry to hear about the sad time you've had, Cathy21 and hope you're on the road to recovery now.

I would try to renew contact, perhaps through your other son and if there is no renewal of a relationship with your estranged son then think carefully about what would make you feel better about the will.
Did he have any children from his first relationship - perhaps you could by-pass your son and leave his share to his children.
If not, you could think about leaving his share to any other grandchildren you may have and to your kind nephew.

So sorry to hear about your DH Cathy21 and the dilemma you now face. As others have suggested I would leave his share either to his children (if he has any as not sure if the nephew you mention is his son), or a token amount and the rest to the nephew that has been such a help. Your son, knowing your DH had died, didn't make the effort to either send his condolences to you, or go to the funeral and therefore must realise he's likely to miss out on his inheritance.

Without knowing the whys and wherefores of the fall out it's difficult. I think you should follow your heart if you still care for him leave him something if you don't then don't. In my experience family arguments are seldom just one sided but making up needs one side to bite the bullet and try to establish contact. Even then they might be repulsed if the hurt is still smarting. I suppose leaving him something would give you the higher ground after you've gone and show you were the better person.