Mother/daughter fall out

Fara56

We need more context here. Do you live a distance & are staying for long visit? There’s an issue here somewhere. My mum lived very near me. I worked FT in a very demanding job and 2 small children. Mum started coming round every single night around 9pm when I was shattered and just wanted to chill. I cringe that I told her she had to reduce the regularity but for my own sanity it was necessary

I feel it’s unlikely the OP will respond.

We need more context here. Do you live a distance & are staying for long visit? There’s an issue here somewhere. My mum lived very near me. I worked FT in a very demanding job and 2 small children. Mum started coming round every single night around 9pm when I was shattered and just wanted to chill. I cringe that I told her she had to reduce the regularity but for my own sanity it was necessary

Fallingstar

It is the text from your SiL I find worrying. Why isn’t your daughter able to communicate her feelings to you directly. If she feels sad is this because she might be suffering from post natal depression when feelings/emotions can be overwhelming?
Had your daughter seemed down or sad when you see her?
Is a bit confusing tbh.

I agree

David49

3 times a week was too much daughter tolerated it for a while then exploded. Many assume mothers and daughters have a close relationship, my wife never did, there weren't hostile and didnt argue but not close friends, she probably saw them once a month, they had their life, we had ours.

Maybe daughter should have addressed this far earlier then

3 times a week was too much daughter tolerated it for a while then exploded. Many assume mothers and daughters have a close relationship, my wife never did, there weren't hostile and didnt argue but not close friends, she probably saw them once a month, they had their life, we had ours.

I would give it some space. Visit once a month. Let things settle.

Whilst doing that think carefully about the reason you were given that you make your daughter feel sad! Think about why that might be. What were the conversations when you visited? Really think about anything that might have triggered that in your daughter. Also consider if you can think of any reason why it was your SIL telling hou; why could she not communicate with you herself?. What might your response to her have been? Be honest witb yourself whilst thinking

3x a week visits might well have suited your needs but do you think that maybe it was limiting their family needs?

None of the above is meant as criticism atall, just suggestions of things you might want to consider whilst gently fulfilling your daughters wishes at this time 💐

Accept the once a month and don't ask.for more. Sorry but give it space and time x

Big hugs
Im finding my adult daughter more difficult as she gets older
Or maybe its me thats getting more difficult
Either way, I've decided to take a step back. Not easy but less of a heart break
Thinking of you xx

It is the text from your SiL I find worrying. Why isn’t your daughter able to communicate her feelings to you directly. If she feels sad is this because she might be suffering from post natal depression when feelings/emotions can be overwhelming?
Had your daughter seemed down or sad when you see her?
Is a bit confusing tbh.

Norah

Perhaps three visits a week was too much for her and once a month is acceptable to their family way of life. I'd say nothing, wait seeing what happens.

I kind of get this. I do wish the OP would come back and answer some of our questions?

Her absence does make me wonder if something did happen??

M0nica

Cossy just because something worked for you doesn't mean it works for everyone.

There are people who really would find having their mother/MiL visiting three times a week too much, even if they lived next door. so I do think this is a possibility and should be considered.

Not living near any where near my grandchildren I would have loved to see them once a month. My son and wife did all they could to visit and we visited them, buy not monthly.

I’m not suggesting it does work for all, I was simply illustrating that it’s really not that unusual, especially if one’s children live very close.

I lived with my widowed mother and her parents from 3-6 years old, so naturally we were very close and I truly valued my relationship with my grandparents.

Perhaps three visits a week was too much for her and once a month is acceptable to their family way of life. I'd say nothing, wait seeing what happens.

I should add my kids come to me I rarely visit them, it works for us as when they have given time to visit they really want to see me, today 2 daughters turned up morning then evening, I see one maybe once a month she hasn't kids but works and has a busy social life, and the same with the rest of them.

Once a month is fine, I don't know but were you an influence on the children and mum wants to bring her kids up in a different way? I myself at times do something that my daughter doesn't approve of, like buying sweets or ice-cream not knowing she's cut them down to sweets once a week, I go with the flow its her way that should stand, or is she tied to staying in with you when she wanted to go meet friends or do things a younger person wants to do with her time, really you have not been cut out ,maybe find time to meet up with friends instead

Cossy just because something worked for you doesn't mean it works for everyone.

There are people who really would find having their mother/MiL visiting three times a week too much, even if they lived next door. so I do think this is a possibility and should be considered.

Not living near any where near my grandchildren I would have loved to see them once a month. My son and wife did all they could to visit and we visited them, buy not monthly.

I think I’d be inclined to be a little worried about coercive control from her husband.

Or that your daughter is becoming depressed or anxious.

Saying, in a text, from her husband, “that you make her sad” makes no sense to me.

Why is he sending you a text?

Is there a way you can discretely contact her and arrange to meet in a neutral setting and over a cuppa ask her very gently why this has happened?

How old are said GC?

Would it be possible to see them in your home?

Please can you tell us a little more?

Is she your only child?

Btw Fancythat when my DM was widowed I visited her at least three times a week and our adult children did as well. When both my parents were alive and healthy and our children were little I’d take them round to visit frequently, it’s not at all unusual, especially if they live very close, my parents only lived 6 roads away from us.

Maybe she just needs a break and some space.

Well, unless everyone is 100% with that happening. As some families are.

Have you been too pushy?

3 times a week seems like a lot to me.

Difficult to know how to help. Can you think of any reason why your Daughter's attitude towards you has changed or why her Husband says you make her feel sad? It does seem very strange if there has been no fall out or arguments. How do you feel is the best way to try and take this forward?