Speaking my mind!

Have an older sister who speaks her mind, she calls it ‘saying it as it is’. Recently someone had a word with her at a group she goes to because my sister had upset another member by ‘saying it as it is’.
Of course my sister was in high dudgeon about it and says she isn’t going to the group anymore. I tried to get it through to her that she can be a tad robust with people at times but as usual she then rounded on me so I left it.

keepcalmandcavachon

No, I try to avoid situations or people which may cause less than pleasant outcomes! I know my limits (arthritis pain) and tend towards 'tweaking' my schedule for optimum pleasure.
A silly example - I normally go to the supermarket very early, park close, nice chat with the coffee shop staff, wander the empty(ish) aisles and back home with plenty of morning left.
Not so today and I felt decidedly frazzled by the busy buzz of everything.
I no longer feel obliged to chat to anyone who brings my energy down and don't watch the news more than once a day.
I try to find meaning in life through nature, interesting books & hobbies and pursuits
Peace and calm are my number one goals and I work at filtering out a lot of the other 'life noise' that might other wise impact my welbeing.
I personally believe that we are not meant to know all the things all the time!

I think you’re absolutely right😃

Yes Shel1951 couldn't agree more.
I have to avoid a couple of people who never fail to touch a raw nerve with what they come out with.

Listening properly is an art but these particular people never stop giving their opinion if you allow them.

Wise words Shel1951

I find I have an opinion now on things that wouldn't bother me when younger but I also keep them to myself unless asked, even then I think before I speak as I used to get frustrated with people a while back and realised I m just stressing myself ,who cares what I think really as another day passes and something new takes its place, I only have so many summers to go and I would like to have friends

^a sudden loss of empathy is concerning*
My dearest friend was an educator to care workers / nursing staff.
I asked her once, what were the first signs you saw in your own mother. Loss of empathy 😥
I knew her mother through looking after her garden. A beautiful kind caring person.

DaisyAnneReturns

ViceVersa

Oh, the irony!

Good example ViceVersa. Cryptic remarks (sometimes called snarky asides) are another way of showing anger. It isn't always direct.

There's nothing cryptic about VV's comment. Or anything suggesting anger.

DaisyAnneReturns

Stillness

Does anyone find that as they get older, they speak their mind more…..even get angry more easily? I’m struggling to cope with the fall out from this. When younger, I was much less assertive but now…I just can’t seem to stop myself. I feel that it doesn’t matter what anyone thinks of me, I’ll voice my opinion whatever, and sometimes it causes problems by being so forthright! Perhaps I should try harder to exercise some self discipline?

A sudden loss of empathy is concerning. Have you been under stress or ill recently?

Nothing in Stillness post suggests any loss of "empathy"
(sudden or otherwise).

Forgetting the real meaning of words would be more concerning , but she shows no sign of that either.

An aunt of mine prided herself on always ‘speaking her mind’. Probably still does, but thank goodness she lives in Canada and is now too old for the annual visits when she would ‘speak her mind’ about all sorts that were none of her business, and ended up with two family members refusing to host or have anything to do with her any more.

She is also one of those churchgoers who go on a lot about it.

NB, not that that I’m having a go at churchgoers in general - only the ‘aunt’ type. My DM’s lovely long term cleaning lady, who was an absolute Godsend when DM had dementia, was a regular churchgoer and a truly Christian person, in the best sense of the word.

ViceVersa

Oh, the irony!

Good example ViceVersa. Cryptic remarks (sometimes called snarky asides) are another way of showing anger. It isn't always direct.

DaisyAnneReturns

Thinking a little more about this, it's not really unusual to see people seeming to get angrier as they get older. Being cross with a specific type of person may just be one outlet for that anger. I wonder if it's a reaction to a loss if autonomy, the feeling that you/we no longer have the control over our own life, that making independent decisions is getting mote difficult?

I think it may indeed be about a perceived loss of agency as people are no longer in a career, are seen to be less relevant or out of touch.

Complaining loudly, pontificating, moaning, impatience can be thought to assert a degree of importance which they feel they have lost.

I've met a lady in a care home who would shout out whatever came to mind when she saw you.
I think it was perhaps some kind of nervous tic.
I was always "big nose"

Be very careful you don’t become another Ena!

We have two ears but only one mouth. Think on that perhaps?

Oh, the irony!

Thinking a little more about this, it's not really unusual to see people seeming to get angrier as they get older. Being cross with a specific type of person may just be one outlet for that anger. I wonder if it's a reaction to a loss if autonomy, the feeling that you/we no longer have the control over our own life, that making independent decisions is getting mote difficult?

SpinDriftCoastal

I find my levels of irritation are so much higher now I am older. I have a very thin filter when reacting to other people's 'froth'. I do keep my distance and removed myself from one WI group as the leader was so rude, I knew that if I lost it with her, which I would have done, I would most likely have been chucked out! She simply wasn't worth it.

Well done.
That is exactly how I deal with these kind of situations now. Removing myself is so much better than finding myself removed.

Was always a people pleaser but since becoming a full time carer for my DH I find my patience can now be stretched very easily. But I do try to bite my lip and count to ten. There were several matriarchs in my family when I was younger and they were incorrigible, most people would head for cover when they saw them coming. Was one of them who chose to tell me in front of other family members that I would never amount anything. After that my mum and dad didn’t visit her very often and certainly never insisted I go with them.

I find my levels of irritation are so much higher now I am older. I have a very thin filter when reacting to other people's 'froth'. I do keep my distance and removed myself from one WI group as the leader was so rude, I knew that if I lost it with her, which I would have done, I would most likely have been chucked out! She simply wasn't worth it.

Stillness

‘Words seem to spill out of my mouth’. Exactly, Esme.
And yes DaisyAnne I have been both ill and stressed and I wonder if that has a bearing on it…although I shouldn’t really make excuses.

It's not an excuse! If you feel you can I would have a word with your doctor and see if you can get some counselling. Being angry can hurt you as much as it hurts someone else. I know "our generation" doesn't do this as easily as younger generations but it can be very worthwhile.

They may also do blood tests. As we get older our bodies don't work as effectively as they once did.

There have been instances of «I speak as I find» more than once here on GN and it could seem to bear out that we often operate on a shorter fuse than when we were younger.
That does not excuse Grumpy Old Man/Woman syndrome though does it?
Yes, pain, infirmity, being on medication, or health worries can sap our energy and we all know that it can take more energy and patience to zip it.
What I react to is when people take a pride in being outspoken to the point of rudeness. Old age does not give us that right and all the more so if we expect respect or any sort of deference in return.
I find it easy to be grumpy, but try to keep it to myself. If you are genuinely worried about your lack of filters OP perhaps you do need to talk to somebody about it.
It could be a symptom of early onset dementia, of a UTI or something not at all serious.
Think first, speak second is useful advice for us all, whatever age,

Stillness

‘Words seem to spill out of my mouth’. Exactly, Esme.
And yes DaisyAnne I have been both ill and stressed and I wonder if that has a bearing on it…although I shouldn’t really make excuses.

Illness and stress can make us more short tempered and unable to 'suffer fools gladly'. You do have a good excuse and hopefully you will be less blunt as time goes on.

‘Words seem to spill out of my mouth’. Exactly, Esme.
And yes DaisyAnne I have been both ill and stressed and I wonder if that has a bearing on it…although I shouldn’t really make excuses.

Stillness

Does anyone find that as they get older, they speak their mind more…..even get angry more easily? I’m struggling to cope with the fall out from this. When younger, I was much less assertive but now…I just can’t seem to stop myself. I feel that it doesn’t matter what anyone thinks of me, I’ll voice my opinion whatever, and sometimes it causes problems by being so forthright! Perhaps I should try harder to exercise some self discipline?

A sudden loss of empathy is concerning. Have you been under stress or ill recently?

My Mother used to speak her mind and at times it was extremely embarrassing.
She had an opinion on everyone and everything.
On one occasion she became annoyed because a nan sitting near us in a cafe had a snake tattoo.
She called our GP a moron.
She told the consultant to make her a sandwich .
I've noticed that some of our parishioners are really difficult and can be insultingly rude.
I have several older friends and one of them is the most appalling racist expressing her views in front of non - white people .
I notice that ,as I age words seem to spill out of my mouth .