Adult kids staying and not contributing.

Hello Sli,
My absolute advice is say nothing. Emotions run high when any sort of travel or especially as they are moving to Australia. You will feel bereft. My daughter in law is Dutch and we have a wonderful grand daughter. Often they stay with us and things get strained due to expectations and other stuff. So hug deeply and part in peace🙂Lallylou.

Go and stay with them for 2 weeks in Australia and treat them the way they treated you.

My son and his family went to live in Australia 6 years ago. Enjoy the mess whilst you can , just grit your teeth. You will be so glad you did once they are gone. My lot are very happy there and doing very well. I miss them a lot but keep reminding myself that they are happy. The children are growing and look a picture of health, they are so active and it would never occur to them to sit in with their x-boxes except when the weather is poor and that is a rare compared to here ! When they last visited me, I just turned a blind eye to the mess, refused any help with the food, cooked and cooked and didn’t waste one second worrying about mess or the tons of washing, it had to wait until they went and I had lots of time to clear up. I bet when your lot come home to visit, you will be the same

I think l would be glad to see the back of them tbh.Besudes their stay They have behaved in an appalling. manner about your car.
I don't agree that adult children just automatically regress when they stay at their parents house. You should have set some ground rules.Too.latenow.

Anyway as you may not see them for a while. You will unfortunately have to just suck it up.

Hope you do get a surprise meal.But don't count in it.

Cope with it now, but get your own back when you go out to visit them!

VANECAM

Well done for getting it off your chest!
That’s one of the many benefits of Gransnet.
Your AC behaviour and treatment of you is completely out of order but in the great scheme of things and at such a critical time, its not worth falling out over.
Your AC will certainly benefit from becoming an immigrant and forced to stand on their own two feet.

👏👏👏👏👏

Good advice.
Last sentence is interesting and accurate and I hope it makes the OP chuckle.

Sli1260

Wellbeck: really? Most people I know hoover at least every other day and clean weekly 🤷🏼‍♀️

Same here, I couldn't leave a week between cleaning.

When you go to visit them down under make sure you take advantage of their hospitality to the same degree.

welbeck

I think most people don't do cleaning or hoovering every week.

What?

Do you suppose they live in squalor rather like the people who feature in those TV programmes about compulsive hoarders?

I hope not!

Once they have gone, which will be sad, have a good clear up and make it yours again. Set out some rules for people who stay in future so you are ready and remember that when they get to Australia they will have their work cut out for them settling in. A return in itself. Perhaps they will realise who important it is to pay your way as you go and it will be a lesson for them to learn. This too shall pass. You can then look forward to hearing about their adventures.

Aldom

Desdemona I think your remark is harsh, unkind and uncalled for.
The OP loves her son and daughter in law dearly.
In no way would she wish to be, as you so rudely put it, well rid of them.

Maybe not the OP, but others would.

Desdemona I think your remark is harsh, unkind and uncalled for.
The OP loves her son and daughter in law dearly.
In no way would she wish to be, as you so rudely put it, well rid of them.

At least you will soon be well rid of them, what terrible users.

welbeck

I think most people don't do cleaning or hoovering every week.

Not sure I’d agree with that.

Before they leave, I'm sure you'll find an opportunity to say wte

" Golly, we're going to miss you so much. Already saving up to come and stay in your new home. Can't wait! a free holiday in the sun with home cooking and no housework "

Very hurtful about not being invited to the meal out. Same with the car situation. Whatever reason they have for their behaviour and acceptance of all you are doing right now, it still is thoughtless and ungrateful. Sadly many of us when younger treated our parents in a way that we wouldn’t have treated our friends, I know I did. These people have always been there looking out for us and after us etc etc and that’s what they are there for is the attitude. But you can’t say anything even if they weren’t leaveing for Australia, it would be turned back on you. Wrong though that may be, that’s how it goes. So suck it up for a few more days , just write your feelings down and go and find a quiet isolated place and swear and yell!!

I agree, put it behind you and smile sweetly! I have the oposite, my youngest son has just been up to do some gardening jobs I find difficult but, grateful as I am, I do feel that I was treated as the child! Given instructions and tut tutted at for allowing bind weed to take over at the bottom of the garden! Me, who taught him everything he knows about gardening.

My SiL hoovers every day and sometimes more, even here!

My cleaner comes once a week and cleans top to bottom. We often hoover between her visits because of all the cat fur.

welbeck

I think most people don't do cleaning or hoovering every week.

Well I certainly do!

Wellbeck: really? Most people I know hoover at least every other day and clean weekly 🤷🏼‍♀️

Perhaps as they are emigrating, they are treating this visit as a last ‘hurrah’, and think, ‘Well, Mum and Dad won’t be entertaining us much in the future, so may as well make the most of it whilst we can’.

Not saying that excuses their behaviour, but…

I agree, certainly don’t fall out over things though. Just not worth it when they will soon be a long way away.

BlueBelle

Doodlebug as my children and even my grandchildren all earn a looooot more than I ever have I m happy for them to buy the food and drink and put towards outings when they stay with me

Mine are still young and starting out though, which makes a difference.

I think most people don't do cleaning or hoovering every week.

Doodlebug as my children and even my grandchildren all earn a looooot more than I ever have I m happy for them to buy the food and drink and put towards outings when they stay with me