On my mind

My father always referred to me as his brainy daughter, and my sister as his beautiful daughter. It hurt us both. Well into our 30s she said something about being not as clever as me - she achieved an IMA, I got married not long after my A levels. I told her that IMA in the civil service is counted as a degree level, so who was the clever one? She replied that with my big blue eyes and fair skin, who was the beautiful one? A bit of healing.

I suppose I was kept well in place by my granny who had no time for vanity or obsessing on looks. I had plain brown hair, a big nose and wore glasses. That was that.
Somehow, despite these setbacks, I managed to attract several men and married one.
One comment that makes me laugh still is when I said to my Dad that I was fighting scrawniness and he replied, 'and winning dear, winning!'

The only things I can remember was about my height and build. Age 12 I was 5'8" and built like a stick. I had constant comments about my height, even my uncle nick named me spindle, as in staircase spindle.
Over the years I forgot about it until my daughter was born. She was 24" long! I once had a doctor tell me 'she's too tall for her age and underweightfor her height'. I looked at him and said 'what shall I do, place a heavy weight on her head and start force feeding her?'.
My gorgeous daughter is now 6' tall, her two brothers are taller. I am proud of her attititude to her height. When she got comments at at school, she was 5'10" age 12, she just used to say 'at least I can see you coming and hide'.
Please don't let other peoples negative comments live in your head rent free.

keepcalmandcavachon I could have written that

My neighbour's daughter apparently said to her mother, about me and my husband, 'how can two such ugly people have 2 gorgeous children "?
I can't forgive her for that (I'd never had much self esteem).
Also, I couldn't decide what was worse, the daughter making the comment or her mother for telling me. She told me in front of a friend of mine, so doubly embarrassing and upsetting.
This happened over 30 years ago but I still feel so upset when I think about it.

Hideous Monstrocity !!
Musicgirl, that comment makes you no better than the friend who gave you the size 26 dress. Denigrating anyone who would need a dress in that size. I could go on, but I think you you made my point.

My goodness me our mum’s were delightful weren’t they? No, not really.
My mum had a sharp tongue, especially when she was drunk. My stepfather insisted that I leave school at 15 and get a job. I was ‘chubby’ at the time and taking slimming pills. I was also staving myself.
So, often at night I’d cry myself to sleep. This one night my mum must have heard me when they came home from the pub. She came in and asked me what was wrong because I was crying. I told her I was fat and ugly. She said ‘Well, at least you’ve got a pretty face.’
I will be 70 next month and remember that night like it was yesterday. I was completely miserable. My mum and I had an acrimonious relationship at best. She chose alcohol, both with my father and my stepfather sadly and she and I could never really communicate. She moved away to another State to be near my sister.

The initial poster is unfortunately right, we remember all the hurtful comments, the abuse from our past.

I had a neighbour move into a flat next to me. She said that if she saw someone like me on the street, she would cross over to avoid walking past me. She believes that people carrying any weight or looking different than the norm are freaks. That they have no self discipline. She said this to my face.

I could go on…but you get the drift. This stuff stays with you and undermines your confidence and your ability to face the world. You are constantly paranoid about what people think of you.

The above are only a couple of examples.


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Madgran77

Not my look but always remember when I got a nojor promotion after a gruellinv interview process being told by someone "Oh well you have just got the gift of the gab!"

Things stick in ones mind when so patently unfair. You are you however you look- who cares eh? Keep focusing on those positives 💐

What’s hurtful about having the gift of the gab?🤔
And this thread is about looks.

I’m the eldest of three daughters. My Dad used to say ‘we were just practicing with moggiek’. I always laughed it off, but remember it still.

During a school class as a teen, there were two boys nearby making comments about me. They said I was a pirate's dream "sunken chest ". Then a carpenter's dream " flat as a board". The very fact that I remember this and can still remember the boys names shows how much I let it bother me.

The love of my life told me "You used to be so pretty" We hadn't seen each other for many years. I know I was fairly pretty as a young woman , but gravity and ill health have taken a bit of a toll on the old boat race. I thought his comment was insensitive and hurtful.
I would never comment on another person's appearance.

Not on my looks as such but being served in a couple of places I've been asked 'Can I help you Sir?' I have short dark curly hair [not that unusual!] and a 38c bust! I think they miss that.

I won't forget when I was told 'Cheer up love, it may never happen' by a random male whilst walking along a pavement. It already had - I was minutes away from leaving the hospital where my Grandmother was dying so I didn't know if I would ever see her again.

And I told him so in no uncertain terms. The idiot.

I have a 'friend' [no longer] who says people with long faces [very, very common] have 'horse faces'. So rude. She is not amazingly attractive btw.

Ooh I thought I was the only one who had "sturdy legs". I comment from my mothers friend was I was eight.
I realised at the time it was not a compliment!

When I was probably about 7 or 8 my mum told me I should pull my nose out and push my mouth in…as she obviously thought that would improve my looks! I did try it a few times but did not seem to work so abandoned it. But I did develop a little complex about my lack of beauty. My dh loves my nose and we have been married nearly 60 years so it didn’t really matter to him!

Once, when I was a teenager, I was on the underground with my friend moaning about how ugly I am when a woman sitting opposite us leaned forward and said "If you think you're ugly you should see my sister."

Shimmer

What makes a person say insulting comments,one of the horrible comments that was said to me came from a man in his sixties at the time.
I worked in a supermarket and he was a customer.
He made a really insulting comment to me in front of a colleague.
I just dont get it

I hope you gave him a good retort back

Oh my love please join a choir - sing if you want to ! Such a hard thing for a child to hear, thoughtless comments - bless your heart xxx

Friend said to me recently “You’re quite attractive for your age”. I said what’s age got to do with it , “You have to take your age into consideration “ was his reply , I thought it was very funny ! ! I’m 79 . It still makes me laugh !

It seems people can be quite cruel, either deliberately or unintentionally (not thinking before speaking).

As a skinny teenager, I walked into the kitchen without a shirt on, to be greeted with "Oh God, it's Belsen".

Another time, at a place of work (about 25 years ago), a young woman from the office came into the canteen where I was having a brew. I was the only person in there at the time She mentioned my hair colour and then said "eew", made a derogatory comment about my 'private parts', before walking out. Completely unwarranted.

My dad used to tell me that my legs were crooked from the knee down, as well as never failing to mention if I was having a bad hair day. Also referred to me as being useless long lop as I was tall for my age. That was when I was a child, but it's never really left me.

On a lighter note, my 19 cousins and I share the same shape nose, called by us, the Moon nose - my mum's maiden name was Moon. One cousin, who I hadn't seen since childhood, once greeted me at a family funeral witb "I'd know that nose anywhere. Hello cousin." We all joke that it's very handy for keeping one's specs in place.

SpinDriftCoastal Absolutely 😂 a favorite of mine is ‘obviously got no mirrors in your house’! Or; if remarking on a hairstyle, a good one is ‘I can change my hair, you can’t change your face without surgery’! Ooooooh bitchy, but useful in the right place to the wrong-uns we all encounter throughout 🤗🤗🥰

Mum one of three sisters. My mother once said a was the clever one, b was the pretty one and I was the sensible one! I was so hurt and the hurt has stayed with me all these years. At 16 the last thing I wanted to be thought of was as the sensible one!

I remember a group of boys walking past when I was a teenager and one of them saying "Nice legs, shame about the face".

I'm not a person who bothers about how I look but it's funny how I still remember that comment.

My mum used to frequently call me Plain Jane. That has stuck with me all my life.
On the other hand, in my teens a neighbour said that I looked a bit like Princess Margaret. That helped a lot. But not quite enough....

TheatreLover
I've tried to be kind to my elderly friend in helping her select a nice home .
It means taking trips down to the seaside .
But I find her exhausting company.
I have felt so sorry for her.
She rambles endlessly and can be rude and disagreeable.

Allsorts-
You are so right
Envy is a terrible thing
Frankly she comes across as spiteful.