Is a new relationship possible without sex?

MawsRosie

I think OP has left the building?

That doesn’t seem to matter to a lot of members. 🤷‍♀️

I think OP has left the building?

Find but don't get jealous when he ( quite reasonably) seeks a sexual outlet elsewhere.

I don’t think Dazy is commenting anymore.

I would say to him that you value your special friendship but you don’t want it to develop into a physical relationship, if that’s how you feel. This takes the pressure off. He may settle for friendship…or he may just walk away.

I did have 2 platonic holidays with my sister, her husband was too ill to travel as was my wife, we shared a twin room, respected each others privacy of course, it worked surprisingly well.
We did everything together obviously no passion spark on either side, I have 2 close friends both have had prostatectomy's at 65 + which ended sex, both mutually happy with their wives, neither are looking for anyone else. A new relationship is entirely different.

He still fancies you but you don’t fancy him, or any man.

This is going nowhere. Say goodbye and get a dog.

I believe you absolutely can have a healthy platonic relationship which encompasses love and affection minus a sexual element. However it does need to be what both parties want and are content with that decision. Without being totally honest with each other about your expectations this could lead to a great deal of stress and hurt.
I do wish you every happiness.

This relationship will never work! You should both move on in very different directions.

Its fine with me, win.
I hardy know who's posting to who, anyway.

Miss Adventure I was just commenting on your post I know it is not you who is the OP so I was directing my post at the OP but in relation to your answer. Hope that was OK

MissAdventure

I think it's very possible, but only if both are happy with the "no sex" stance.

He is clearly not happy with it despite you telling him, he thinks like most people would that you just need to find your spark again, which is usually done with lots of petting but no actually sex until you literally crave it, which often happens, but you sound like you are not willing to try, so no I do not think this relationship will work, so sorry.

I had a friend who had a few years on her own after separating from her long term partner. They stopped having sex quite some time before they separated. She had had a hysterectomy with complications and she went completely off sex.

She was happy on her own then met a man while they were both working for a charity. They had similar interests and went for coffee and meals and he said he hoped they could have a relationship. She told him straight away that she only wanted a friendship and nothing sexual. He then tried to win her over and was a real pest leaving flowers and gifts on her doorstep when she was out so she suspected he was stalking her. He was very persistent and she eventually got rid of him by involving her family and threatening him with the Police.

You need to tell him once and for all what you do and do not want in a relationship. Any doubts and walk away.

Oreo

I agree with MissAdventure you know you don’t want a sexual relationship with him, even kissing and he thinks he just has to take his time but that you’re going to give in eventually.

I too agree.

I’d be really open and quite straightforward, and say something along the lines of, “I really like you and would love to stay good friends, but I need to be very clear, I do not, and cannot, involve myself in anything physical at all. I won’t change my mind or feelings in this matter, so aside from hugs, I really am just looking for close companionship and friendship, I just don’t want to mislead you in any way”

If he won’t or can’t accept this, please show him the door!

How did you react when he kissed you so passionately? Did you make it clear you were totally repulsed by his actions? If so, and he keeps persisting in his efforts to “woo” you sexually, then you have to be brutally honest and walk away, as your expectations from any future relationship are incompatible

You know he was not joking, but pushing, right?

Sometimes it doesn't even have to be said, its just "there" (someone hoping, waiting for you to aquiese, which i don't know how to spell anymore, it seems )

Thank you everyone, your replies are beyond helpful and entirely unanimous.
I loved the Gentleman/Wolf quote.
Completely get it.
Yes I did explicitly say last year that I couldn't have sex. It was our first encounter after decades, we were talking about why we were single and he mentioned he would like to have a companion one day. When I said I can't have sex because of my condition) he joked "can't you just do it very slowly"
We met again recently and he asked how is your health...I said I'm better but still very careful not to do anything to bring on a flare. Possibly gave a green light there unknowingly?

No two ways about it, got to summon up the courage to talk to him and postpone Saturday.

SORES

butterandjam

SORES

However,
after consultation with a wolf -

whilst you are giddy with delight at the prospect of a
‘new man friend’ -your conditions are unrealistic

In his mid fifties, of course he will want a physical relationship.
be prepared for this to end badly

Sores, he's an ex-lover from the past . Not so "new".

He's previously known her as a passionate sexy lover so now they're getting on like a house on fire again , small wonder that he hopes/wonders if her old flames might re-kindle. He probably interpreted no sex as no sexual intercourse.

I agree she has to tell him that when she said no sex, that means no sensual contact at all. No kisses, hugs, cuddles, handholding, pecks, strokes, pats.

He needs to hear that before the next date at her house.

why are you telling me this? I’m not her agent
besides which
‘new man friend’ was a direct quote

because it was you who referred to him as a wolf.

Dazy you have told him in no uncertain terms so why do you need to tell him again? You have set your boundaries so good on you. But,
and there's always a bur ,him being a man will always think you will change your mind I'm afraid as especially as he's in his 50s

I think it's a very sad situation. You've told him what your position is but he very probably thinks this will change in the future. As you didn't even enjoy kissing then it seems his hopes will be unfulfilled.
I assume from what you say that you're not willing to undertake any sort of counselling to try to change your viewpoint so it's only fair that you explain it all to him again and give him the opportunity to walk away from anything more than a platonic friendship.

butterandjam

SORES

However,
after consultation with a wolf -

whilst you are giddy with delight at the prospect of a
‘new man friend’ -your conditions are unrealistic

In his mid fifties, of course he will want a physical relationship.
be prepared for this to end badly

Sores, he's an ex-lover from the past . Not so "new".

He's previously known her as a passionate sexy lover so now they're getting on like a house on fire again , small wonder that he hopes/wonders if her old flames might re-kindle. He probably interpreted no sex as no sexual intercourse.

I agree she has to tell him that when she said no sex, that means no sensual contact at all. No kisses, hugs, cuddles, handholding, pecks, strokes, pats.

He needs to hear that before the next date at her house.

why are you telling me this? I’m not her agent
besides which
‘new man friend’ was a direct quote

I have been married for 44 years and had a good sex life until I had cancer and had my ovaries irradiated. From that point on I have been unable to have painless sex. Like you, my libido has shut down and for a number of years have not had a sex life. My DH is very understanding and does not pressure me, although I am sure that he does miss the intimacy. We are in our 70's now. Also like you, I do not want to do the 'other stuff', (I know what you mean). We have a very good, platonic relationship and are best friends, but it has to be acceptable by both parties from the start to work.

Dazy- Awwww bless you, I can totally see this and get it. I was such a physical gal when I was younger, I just needed good sex, either with myself or my lovely partner (he’s died now). I wouldn’t mind being in a relationship but like you, sex leaves me cold, kissy, touchy, god forbid penetration!
You are just going to have to be honest with him if the relationship is to develop and have any longevity.