No one to share things with

The need for a close relationship with a good friend seems to be a common thing of our time, whatever age you are. So know that you’re not alone. Life has become hectic, fast, and very ego driven. If you can find an environment that cuts through that, it would be helpful and I’m sure you’d meet more likeminded people, but it’s not easy. I think I’d firstly try to increase visits to my daughter. Could you do this without your husband, to give you some quality time with her? Or could you arrange a halfway point to meet, or have a break together? Also, maybe arrange more time (away?) with your husband. This all helps to fill the ‘gaps’ but also try to join some groups or activities and slowly get to know some new people. This is all challenging and takes time, I know, but remember that lots of other people are in the same situation.

I think one can be as lonely or more in a bad relationship: in that situation: those who have been in that situation can be more lonely as the person is, as it were, ‘there’ but essentially ‘not there’

so true Wyllow3

I live on my own.
Fortunately, I have found 2 handyman. They are not exactly cheap, but I have no choice.
One has cut back all the bushes and made my garden look tidy. The other has powewashed my drive - the outside of my house looks summer-ready !

I am fortunate that my children live within a few miles and we are in touch. I value that greatly, but they have their own lives, families and responsibilities of course. I have good friends through various activities, but there are still too many hours spent alone. We rarely meet up outside of the activities. When the weather is decent, I would like to be out, but sometimes it is easier to occupy myself at home than go out alone, where it can feel more lonely when everyone else is in couples or family groups.
I certainly wouldn’t want to live with anyone else. I am too set in my ways. I think it makes me self-centred, but that is inevitable. I would like to have closer friends to do things with. I spend a lot of time online.

oh Cabbie, not unlike me and my life,, see we are not really alone,, is it all in our minds, I am in a particularly low mood at the moment as the church that I have attended for some years has a new vicar and it is all change there also..

Reported.

Another recommendation for the U3A. I joined when I retired and belong to 4 groups (badminton, book group, scrabble, bridge) and lead two of them. There are day trips as well as holidays. It’s a brilliant organisation.

Dear Nannysue, First of all, quietly ignore your husband. I quite see where you are coming from.
Perhaps do a few small things, go out for a little walk and see what's going on locally.
I find you have to try a few things out locally and build up contacts.
It is worth working on your appearance and an exercise class can really help.
I did have a little dog and he was lovely but probably won't replace him as a commitment and vets bills are horrendous.
Work on your interests and what brings you pleasure.
You make contacts in the process.

Nanny Sue45. Possibley what you should bear in mind some people exaggerate the positive things in their lives I met someone who told the tales of her wonderful life. But when I got to know her better it was really a very different story

I empathize and am going through a similar season - the same but different. I am also an only child and don't really have family other than my children. I recently went through a gray divorce and have moved to a new state. I'm profoundly lonely. I just wanted to say that I understand. If you want to DM me I'd be more than happy to chat. I'm new here so it may take a minute to figure things out but I'm here if you'd like to chat.

Perhaps being an only child is good preparation for being alone after sixty years with the love of my life. I miss P every day but try to live an outward facing life at least some of the time. On a bad day the future looks bleak but any changes are in my less than hopeful hands so I have to keep trying to create some kind of life. It’s not easy, as Rosei’sMaw points out.

You are not needy
You no longer need to listen to irrelevant conversations
They are boring you and prob the people repeating same old nonsense heard for years
You are not a tree - move leave it all behind and set yourself free go find who you truly are - won’t take long but plan it well and keep it to yourself not everything has to be spoken about
Best of luck sister you can do it 🌟

I know a lady who literally has no one and she is one of the busiest and most respected members of our community. She is involved in all sorts of different groups and really does some good. As opposed to moi, who is one of the 'can't be bothered' types. I really admire her. Personally, I will find any excuse not to do something and depress myself. I set all sorts of outings and targets and am glad when people can't make it or its raining. It means I can stay at home and paint or read or write. I wish I was more like her but just don't have her flair.

Sounds like you need a different group of friends. There are lots of other groups to choose from as mentioned upthread.

I’m widowed and in different groups who don’t go on about their wonderful children and mutual doings.
I do lots of things alone and enjoy my own company plus my cat, a great comforter.

I’m very close to my DD and see her a lot, but it’s interesting about sons. Weeks can go by with no contact from my DS, but we still love each other and get on like a house on fire when we meet up.

I've said before, that I don't want to join groups of women doing things I've never been interested in.
I just want someone to "knock about" with.

Someone whose eye I can catch when I'm watching something on tv, and it's particularly funny, or sad.

Spmeone to chin wag with.

I really hear what you’re saying, it’s not unreasonable at all to feel lonely when others seem surrounded by family. Wanting someone close to share things with is such a natural need. You’re already doing so well by joining group outings, but I know it’s not the same as having that one special person. Please don’t be hard on yourself for feeling this way your feelings are valid. I hope you find more moments of connection that bring you comfort.

Bot?

Wyllow3

I think one can be as lonely or more in a bad relationship: in that situation: those who have been in that situation can be more lonely as the person is, as it were, ‘there’ but essentially ‘not there’

I agree. I was with my ex husband for thirty years but I only realised in retrospect how lonely I was in the marriage because I didn’t know anything else. Although we’re good friends now I think back with sadness at our total lack of communication and how it left me with no confidence whatsoever.

Ditto, after recent events, but I do have good chats at the gym I go to and will toddle to when I can't do a lot. apropos that I will seek a more communal situation like McCarthy and Stone despite all the snags when it comes to cant drive.
I am a natural natterer on walks in the park - surprising how many others just want to "pass the time of day" but of course Miss A is right in that best is that someone one can say to

"you'll never guess what happened to me today"
" make me a cuppa T"
"well that was silly on TV"

et al.