How do you get on with In Laws ie son or daughter in law

I adore my daughter in law, she is lovely. My ex son in law, although he lives in a different country and has remarried with children, still calls me mum and he is great too. Unfortuately her second husband died in his 30s, he absolutely loved my daughter and would have moved heaven and earth for her so you can't ask much more than that. She has now met a new man who seems quite wonderful and also treats her and her children very well.

Today is my daughter in laws birthday. I have never been invited to the family dinner to celebrate.

My DiL is lovely and I get on well with her. Last year she asked me to go on holiday with her and the children to visit my DD who was living abroad. She was concerned about managing 2 young children on a long haul flight. Clearly she doesn't mind my company. When the youngest kicked off on the flight there wasn't a lot I could do to help so I felt a bit useless, but the older one did at least let me help him with his food. DD gets on well with her too - better than with her brother. She adores my grandchildren and probably wouldn't see them so much if she didn't get on well with my DiL as she and my son have never been close. The children adore their Auntie too so it works really well. I'm very grateful for his choice!

I spoke too soon (earlier in the thread).
One of my ds.i.l. is not talking to me now.
We went for a meal a couple of weeks ago, and the drink loosened my tongue.
Talking about the past, I mentioned that I really liked one of my son’s ex-gfs . She was extremely kind to me. True. His wife stormed out of the room, with her phone. I presume she went to ring her mother to complain about me. She (only child) is always ringing her mother to complain about someone or the other. I know that, because, when her mum comes to me for a coffee, she is constantly interrupting our conversation.
So, I obviously don’t get on with one of my ds.i.l.😂
Where’s the edit button when you need it?

Says it all. While DIL, GD and I playing Uno GD suddenly asked "Nanny, do you love Mummy more than me ?"
"No". Love Mummy to the moon and back, love you to the stars and back. Huge grin.
DIL and I laughed so much later at dinner. Love her to bits !
It is not a competition.

We like our DiL but we aren’t close. In a crisis she steps up and she was very good to my elderly mother when she was alive. We are best friends with her parents. We only met them when the two young people got together but I was determined that any grandchildren would see us as one family and we worked very hard to make the relationship work. The important thing is that my son and his wife are extremely happy together.

I have one son in law who I love like a second son. He is kind, generous and accepts our family as his own. I couldn’t have a better son in law if I had chosen him myself.

I get on well with my adult childrens partners but I really don’t feel I need to be particularly close
We just have a pleasant respectful relationship
Perhaps don’t worry so much if you aren’t that close?

After having an awful controlling ex husband who has never been there for my two girls I am so proud of my two son in laws. They are like sons, they treat me well and above most they are the perfect husbands and dads - all I could wish for

I've always liked my son in law, ever since we first met him when my daughter was 17 and he was 27. They didn't get together until she was 21 and have now been married for 29 years. He's American so we never did meet his parents, just 2 of his brothers who came over once.

I still get on with my son's ex. We have a lot in common, including my grandson. She's Hungarian so I only met her late mother a couple of times and, as she didn't speak English, never really got to know her.

I was just reading this thread when my DinL messaged. She’s absolutely lovely and is definitely the one I’d have chosen for my son! Her own Mum died suddenly but I’ve never felt she resented me in any way. My MinL was equally lovely. I know how fortunate I’ve been.

We have 3 sons in law and 2 outlaw daughters. We also have 2 ex daughters in law.

We get on really well with 2 sons in law, one of whom is stepfather to 2 dgc. He has been a much better father than there own and he and. DD3 have a son together. They are a great bunch.

DS2 is a brilliant stepfather to his 2 children.

That's a shame, Allsorts, what makes you think that? Your daughter-in-law and son-in-law may not be demonstrative, just because people don't show their love, doesn't mean they don't think a lot of you.

I can honestly say I love m dil and my sil, excellent partners for my adult children but don't think it is reciprocated. I don't expect anything in return. It must be very nice to be included in their lives though and those that are have obviously cracked it.

I second everything Hithere has said on the thread. Ultimately, it’s perfectly normal that we won’t always have much in common or close relationships with in laws. All that matters is mutual respect.

I will add that I get on great with my DIL and both my SILs. Part of that has to do with the fact that I don’t involve myself in their personal/marital affairs, nor am I critical of the decisions they make for their children. I think my DIL and SILs see that I respect them as the adults that they are. I don’t expect much back except the respect I give, and in return we have very organic, easy-going relationships.

An interesting thread.I get on fine with my SIL’s thankfully they’re both hard working family men and will help if anyone in the family needs them.I hear from friends that younger inlaws aren’t always a help and some are a hindrance!
I do think tho that we will all maybe never know how they feel about us, even if we happily believe they like us.🤔
Ah well, all part of the rich tapestry of life.

I “get on” with my DiL. She is my son’s second wife - his first died before we really had a chance to get to know each other properly as they were both in the services and away from us most of the time. DS remarried and at one stage he was very unhappy in the relationship which made DH and I unhappy too. However all that is in the past. She and I could not be more unalike. Have really nothing in common, but she makes more of an effort with me than she should have to.

I adore my SiL. He is quiet, calm and patient. Always willing to let me run things past him if I have a problem and generous with his time.

I’m with the “daughter in law is a bitch” gang. I’ve posted a thread about how I wanted my son to leave his marriage. She has now revealed a six- month affair with a (married) work colleague. Now says she didn’t like her $30000 wedding (it was beautiful), and has moved out. We are giving our son emotional support, and saying NOTHING about her. We cannot tell him how relieved we sre

Like our son in law very much indeed. A good man who cares so much for our daughter and grandchild.

Nice to know that it varies quite a bit whether inlaws get on.
The Sun Rises - you are lucky, enjoy your holiday
Several years ago I treated my son and DIL and kids to a British holiday 2 years running as they were pretty broke, .Following year I was told early on in the year not to plan again as they had something planned for themselves.
C'est la vie!

I've got two sons, one is single the other is married. My DIL is lovely, she works hard, is a loving wife to my son, and a brilliant mummy to my two granddaughters. We all get on like a house on fire, spend lots of time together (I help with childcare), and have just booked a week's holiday together. We are all easy going people and enjoy one another's company. I hope we will be lucky with any future wife my other son may have in the future. We would welcome her with open arms 🤗

In a way it's reassuring to read this. I have two daughters and a son and they have all married disagreeable people, or at the very least people with whom I have nothing in common, and they all for some reason seem manipulative. Maybe I'm being over-sensitive?

Mine are both ex’s as both my AC are divorced.
I saw a lot of ex DiL because of my GD and when she remarried and had 2 more C I became close to them and still am but it grows more distant with time and changing circumstances, we still get together occasionally.
My ex SiL, with whom we got on well, holidaying together for years, always at our expense, just cut off all contact when they separated and didn’t even get in touch when my H died which surprised me but his parents kept in touch for quite a long time until they became old and ill, we still exchanged Christmas cards until they died.
Part of life’s rich pattern.

Some very interesting and varied replies - thanks to all who took the time.
It doesn't bother me or affect me that much, as long as she treats my son and grandchildren well but that's another story.
We will never be close but I was just curious as to how others fared.

We have five - two sons in law and three daughters in law and I care for all of them quite a lot. They’re all wonderful people , loving parents and good spouses to our kids. We are closer to some than others , as we see them more often , or they are closer geographically but over all we get on well. I am espeically close to two of my daughters in law, we speak more often than my sons and I do at times 😂. The third daughter in law is also lovely and while we are very different people she is a fantastic mother, and my son adores her so we’ve made the choice to meet her where she’s at. Overall she tends to be more of a homebody , but she’s slowly coming out of her she’ll around our large family. We enjoy what we get.