Daughter wants a Divorce

No-one, NO-ONE knows what goes on in a marriage except the two people in it. And even then , recollections may differ.
You can show concern and support for both while respecting their choices.
You do not and never will know the full story.

From a slightly different perspective, I absolutely supported my daughter in dealing with her difficult ex. I didn’t know all the ins and outs but she told me enough for me to be glad that she was strong enough to move on.

I am always very careful to never ever allow my Grandchildren the slightest inkling of my innermost thoughts about their dad and always respond positively if they mention him.

I recall taking my mum out for the day and on the way calling in for a pub meal.

I told her that me and my husband were splitting up (we didn't divorce until a few years later).

She just said she wanted me to be happy, asked no questions and I told her very little.

For this rest of his life my ex remained on good terms with my mum, sending her cards and letters etc and she didn't say a bad word against him.

I always appreciated my mum's reaction, supportive but not intrusive.

You can support your daughter and be neutral. No one outside of a marriage can fully understand the dynamics, which is why it is always best for family to not be in the middle. However, your daughter is still your daughter so I would prioritize my relationship with her if I were you. I love my DIL and both my sons-in law but the happiness of my own children is what matters most to me. Thinking of it from that perspective can help.

A close friend of mine got divorced 20 years ago. Her parents and friends were all shocked. He was such a nice guy etc. She only confinded in me , he drank too much. He got them into debt , he didn't do anything with their 2 sons etc . I would definitely support my daughter but also be fine with my son in law , whenever I saw him

BlueBelles advice is spot on.

My sister got a divorce years ago l remember my mother being very. upset.

I think she thought she had failed my sister in some way. Not remotely true

So dont blame yourself in any way

It's hard to keep a neutral but supportive stance but no one really knows what goes on in anyone else's marriage. My older daughter is divorced with children, it's taken me years to appreciate the real dynamics of the relationship. What appeared to be fairly straightforward was actually anything but and navigating my way through the mess has been difficult and frequently very painful. My best advice is to be kind and thoughtful to both sides and to try put the needs of the children ( if there are any) at the forefront.

L

How very difficult for you. Both my siblings divorced and I know my parents found it very hard as they had nothing against the spouses. It was my siblings who initiated the splits.
I think Bluebell's advice to support the practicalities is the only way to go unless of course DD wishes to share more with you.

Well I did both I wasn’t in quite the same boat as you as my son in law and I although no real problems didn’t have a close relationship and my daughter told me she didn’t want to talk about it so I only ever talked about practicalities and that’s exactly how it stayed and continued it’s about 10 years ago and I still have no idea what actually happened (although I have my own thoughts that he had affairs he has had a good few since and the first one before the divorce papers were dry)
She is still on her own and as far as I know never had anyone else She seems happy in her work sports and life etc
I told her I was there for her in any way if she wanted

I think it’s best to stay neutral unless your own child needs supporting or asks for support, in other words let her lead the way