Revenge on an ex

I was treated so cruelly by my first boyfriend back in 1981 that I've never really got over it-it's difficult to find any revenge that helps you mentally, but I did get a bit of satisfaction by ordering lots of books/ornaments/c.d's in his name, and having them delivered to his house for payment-obviously, not things he'd want!-and I sent anonymous valentine cards to both him and his wife, knowing he'd had an affair, and hoping to cause maximum trouble to both of them-not that his wife was to blame; he dumped me and later married her, but when you hurt that much, it's hard to be reasonable! I also smashed up an ornament he bought me, and sent him the pieces in his birthday card, hoping he'd open it in front of the wife and have to explain it (he never told her he was engaged to me before he started to go out with her, I was his dirty secret, apparantly-hence my almost pathological hatred! Oh, I also pretended to be possibly pregnant, just after he left me (dumped by phone-five days before we were due to get engaged, and just a day after picking up my engagement ring!) I'm a nice person really, honestly-but he destroyed my 22 year old, vulnerable and innocent soul.

I keyed his car, but the feeling of revenge is so brief its not worth it and neither was he.

On the night I threw him out, after finding out he was spending the evening with the woman he'd sworn he would never see again, I piled all his clothes in the garden and poured 2 litres of concentrated blackcurrant juice over them. I've never regretted it for a moment. Lots of people he considered friends came up to me in the street over the next few weeks and said they'd heard what I'd done and said ' well done, he deserves it'. That made me feel even better!

Yes, one of the reasons for my showing as much restraint and dignity as I could muster at the end of the marriage was to avoid any evidence to support a claim of " I left her because she was deranged/ a b**ch/volatile..etc"

Theft. Destruction of property. Assault, stalking, malicious communications. Quite frankly if you do any of these things you deserve to be prosecuted and simply prove how lucky your ex is to have ditched you, however it came about. Nothing "light-hearted" about any of it and I really don't see how anyone can laugh about it.

I once worked with someone who found out that her husband was having an affair with a friend of hers, she also found a number of letters etc from the woman, urging him to 'tell his wife and leave'.

She put a lot of his items including dirty washing, old socks and the likes into a couple of bin bags, marched into the shop of her friend and tipped them out all over the counter, saying that if she 'wanted him, have his rubbish too'!

No I haven't taken any revenge on my ex, in fact the opposite. Over the years I have tried to contact him, the occasional christmas card, birthday card and by email. but with no response. I phoned him recently because I wanted to know how he was, as his sister had died, earlier in the year. He was very close to his sister but he didn't want to speak to me. He has never married or lived with another woman. He just didn't want the responsibility. I have some questions I would like to ask him. I would love to go and visit him but he lives too far away and I don't think my husband would understand.

mabon2

Why would one want to reap revenge on anyone? Nasty.

Maybe so they don't get away with being nasty themselves? As the saying goes - "I'm a good person. But if I've been a nasty bitch to you, you need to ask yourself why....."

Cabowich

Not on an ex, but a tradesperson who has left my new bathroom needing many fixes, and then ignored all my calls and messages. He took his money, then ran, basically.

I was going to take him to the small claims court but then changed my mind, knowing it would cause me more stress than it would him.

There is a local community Facebook page and now, every time I see somebody asking for recommendations for a plumber/bathroom fitter, I private message them asking them to avoid this particular person like the plague, and telling them why.

It's slow, but subtle, and I'm getting a lot of pleasure from it. One, I feel like I'm paying him back, two because I'm helping to prevent somebody else wasting their money. And I don't care how that makes me look.

I view your actions as a public service.
Please keep up the good work.

albertina, hope it works out soon for you and your daughter.

Wyllow and everyone else who managed to escape and survive

and 'Wow' how creative some of you have been.

I have always been too scared of my ex to plan any sort of revenge. I have dreamt of it though !

He was the one who had the revenge on me by luring our younger daughter away from her family. He is a completely crazy conspiracy theorist and has drawn her in till she believes it all and tells us we're stupid not to believe.

i was 17 and had been with my guy for 4 years, he asked me to marry him but i had to move into his mums house, she was a nasty alcoholic, i said no, he walk away, a few years later we met up and ended up getting intimate, as i was leaving in the morning, i said i was glad we never married because he was useless in bed, nasty i know but he was my first love and he broke my heart.

‘Revenge is the dish best eaten cold’
But also needs to be subtle.
Bought the car I knew he always wanted & he was not in a position to buy it (because of the commitments - aka burdens he had acquired) it for himself. Everytime I started the engine on a morning I used to think ‘yes…… ..’
Years later when we had been able to retrieve & re-build our friendship he shared with me it had ‘annoyed the hell’ out of him.
Result ✔️

My ex decided that, after all, he didn’t want a child with me, found someone else and had two with her. 7 years after we parted he rang my parents’ house one Christmas, drunk, in tears, from a stage door (he was an actor) to apologise. I remained very cool. I still had an old print and an eternity ring of his and hadn’t known where to send them - so I wrapped them up with a note asking/telling him not to contact me again and sent them to the theatre. He hasn’t, but I do know he’s looked me up on LinkedIn. I didn’t have children but have two step children - and a variable relationship with them - but that’s families. My husband has a voracious ex (he & I met after they split) who didn’t let up her demands even when he was having cancer treatment, and grabbed a chunk of my inheritance. I try to avoid her at all costs, now. Revenge? She’s 3 dress sizes bigger than me - at least ;-)) And single. Rattling about in the 4 bedroomed house that we paid for. And her children don’t like her much. But their kids love me because I’m such fun. Any brownie points, ladies?

I prefer to use my energy elsewhere. It's got nothing to do with halos, it's all about protecting yourself and not allowing someone else to make you feel worthless. As others have said - once they're an ex they're gone. Doesn't mean you don't grieve for what you've lost, but in reality you didn't have what you thought you had anyway.

I might think the other woman is selfish/stupid/an absolute bitch but she's not the one who made the promises, or took the vows, or let me down. Doesn't really matter who made the running at the end of the day.

Yes even to the present day!

I was “the other woman”, but wife #1 had left him over 2 years previously. Fortunately, the divorce was amicable, and DH and I were married for 45 years before he died 3 years ago.

FranP

Magenta8

I certainly dreamed of doing all sorts of things, mainly to his other women.

Of course his other women must share some of the blame as it takes two to tango but I bet he made the first move and it is also likely that he was not honest about already having a partner.

Why some women feel more bitter towards the other woman than their philandering partner always puzzles me. Jealousy is a curious thing.

I think it is because any woman to sets out to get a man already spoken for needs regarding as to blame.

All this "could not help it" is utter rubbish
All this "he would not stray if he was happy" is just an excuse - all relationships go through dull/unhappy phases, and taking advantage is evil

"FranP:" I think you are slightly missing the point of what I wrote.

I freely agree that in some cases women do set out to get a man already spoken for. There is nothing the poor man can do to resist the charms of sirens like this.

However, there are also cases where the man pretends to be single. This happened to a relative of mine who was actually engaged to a man who had a wife and children that she knew nothing about. He told her that his job meant that he frequently had to stay away and she only found out the truth after they had been in a relationship for over two years.

My friend crayoned on her ex’s car all over with red lipstick many years ago . Then she married him then got divorced after he went off with a younger woman who was having his baby . Shouldn’t have got back with him !

Mabon - I think the answer is a sense of fairness. That people shouldnt be able to go in for "bad behaviour" and get away with it. Partly protecting other people. Pretty recently - a man I thought was a sorta combination odd job man and friend tried to steal from me. It was indisputable what he had been up to. I'd given him "benefit of the doubt" about a couple of little things that I thought might possibly have been attempted theft previously. But the third time - I was very very certain - so I think about half this little town knows what he is like by now.....

He got off more lightly than he would have if he'd succeeded in that theft - as we have two police forces here in effect - the official one - and the other one.....

MadamChairman

Doing anything at all means he has control over you, doing nothing means you are free.

I tend to think along those lines - as to why would I "blow up" at an ex, as doing so imo gives him the idea he is "important" to me and why would I let him think that?

If it's someone else in some other context that's mucking around with my life = they better believe that I do know the phrase "Revenge is a dish best served cold"....and I'm waiting my chance...

Why would one want to reap revenge on anyone? Nasty.

icanhandthemback

*Wyllow*, even strong, feminist women get caught out. I am so glad you have extricated yourself. Best luck for the future.

Thank you.

Sharing my go to song

www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ht2NCrlghS4&list=RDHt2NCrlghS4&start_radio=1

Wyllow, even strong, feminist women get caught out. I am so glad you have extricated yourself. Best luck for the future.

It was good to have that future growing inside you.

What is this "so petty business" When someone has taken away my own being?

I just feel ANGRY now actually, which is good.