Suffocated in a marriage

Take yourself off to regular fitness/pilates classes. Go window shopping or for a nice bike ride. He needs some exercise. You could both buy electric bikes and pootle about. There's loads to do, you won't be motivated until you start doing things

U3A....mmm? I'm not sure. Older people with too much time on their hands in some cases! Events I attended seemed to involve gossiping about other members and not much else!

Some sort of actual " doing something" seems to work better perhaps. Walking, craft, singing, yoga and so on. Turn up for the class, smile and nod at a few people. Any social interaction is a bonus.

My mother-in-law found her "new" card-playing friend through the book group at U3A I'm pretty sure. It was fairly recently - maybe six months ago - she's 101 - so it is possible.

I think that's true silverbrooks about U3A or any group for that matter. Avoid the cliques, invite others to join too.
I'm persuading a friend to come along to an open meeting and take a look at the possibilities for her.

I never thought of myself as a U3A type but it seems I am. 😂

I did join a painting group many years ago. It was a large gathering in a village hall but they all separated into their groups. It was so cliquey. I left after a while.

I’m not sure about U3A as it will be in the same area.

Have you tried discussing with him? Also, how often do you go out for a walk to the park just to reconnect with nature? Also, what music do you listen to

Yes, I’ve tried discussing it all with him. I walk 3-4 times per week about 3 miles each time. Thank you to everyone for your helpful words.

whywhywhy

Yes, I’ve tried discussing it all with him. I walk 3-4 times per week about 3 miles each time. Thank you to everyone for your helpful words.

That's an impressive number of steps! Good for you.

All these people in unhappy relationships, up against cliquey groups at U3A, frustrated at retirement not being what they expected, or with no say in arranging their own furniture (?)
What lives are you living?
Maybe us widows aren't as badly off as we thought we were, left on our own without our life partner

I'm sorry you feel that way. We don't really know what another is going through do we? Only a snap shot and a name on a screen.

Personally , I anticipated one set of circumstances and have been handed another. Family members are struggling. My depression is never that far away.

The life I'm living ( to answer your question) is the best I can manage right now.

RosieandherMaw

All these people in unhappy relationships, up against cliquey groups at U3A, frustrated at retirement not being what they expected, or with no say in arranging their own furniture (?)
What lives are you living?
Maybe us widows aren't as badly off as we thought we were, left on our own without our life partner

Sometimes it takes a lot of courage to go to something like a U3A group only to find that the people in it ignore you and you sit there on your own wishing you could just sneak out the door and go home .

It doesn't take any less courage to go as a widow 9n addition with nobody at home to tell about it.
The dog listens but doesn't say much.
Been there done that, trying to rebuild a life which was dominated by the commitments of a chronically and terminally ill DH.
You give things a try and sometimes it comes off and sometimes you slink back to an empty house and cry.
Or you pluck up the courage to ask if somebody is free- and they're not. Or you hear how they've popped over to their D/DS/DGC etc at the weekend and you haven't spoken to a soul

Been there done that.
Go to the cinema or theatre or ballet on my own.
Needs must.

People who are estranged from their families don't have much " popping over" going on.

lafergar

People who are estranged from their families don't have much " popping over" going on.

Nor do those whose families live ens or even hundreds of miles away.

RosieandherMaw

It doesn't take any less courage to go as a widow 9n addition with nobody at home to tell about it.
The dog listens but doesn't say much.
Been there done that, trying to rebuild a life which was dominated by the commitments of a chronically and terminally ill DH.
You give things a try and sometimes it comes off and sometimes you slink back to an empty house and cry.
Or you pluck up the courage to ask if somebody is free- and they're not. Or you hear how they've popped over to their D/DS/DGC etc at the weekend and you haven't spoken to a soul

Been there done that.
Go to the cinema or theatre or ballet on my own.
Needs must.

I once phoned the Samaritans on a Saturday night saying ‘ I’m not suicidal and I don’t want to take up your time but I just wanted to hear someone’s voice.’This was after I’d dialled 1471 and there had been a missed call so I thought someone had rang me. Only to realise that I’d phoned the landline with my mobile to check if it was working in the hope that people might have been trying to phone me but couldn’t.

I agree lafergar

It’s soul destroying isn’t it?

Sorry you're having a tough time.

I have somewhat similar issues but I'm usually relatively happy.

But the things I was going to suggest mostly involve filling up your days with varied things that all add to your life in some way. However, it seems like you're pretty well already done that.

I can't separate what is a marital problem and what is depression though, with a couple of other things tossed in there too. I wonder if getting on an anti-depressant might make you feel better, if you're open to it. Best wishes.

I like going to the cinema on my own. It's dark in there anyway, so it doesn't matter.

lafergar

I like going to the cinema on my own. It's dark in there anyway, so it doesn't matter.

Actually I do too- but let's not play Top Trumps on this subject.

That's me told then, I guess.

I sometimes go to the cinema on my own on an afternoon.