Husband won't admit he has a hearing problem

Philippa60 I feel your pain. Your post could have been written by me.
Anything I say falls on deaf ears, literally.
Apparently I mumble.
Good luck x

Oh Yes!!! Big time as they say. Started about the same age and the frustration was terrible but after a very long time DH consented to one aid and then another. He is now completely deaf without them. He volunteers now with RNID to help other get used to their aids and to care for them . I should have a look on their website for advice and support. Good Luck.

Had the same issue. DGC turning the TV volume down had more effect than me suggesting a check.

I stopped colluding. If he didn’t hear me (much of the time) I refused to repeat myself. When he missed something that was happening, or a deadline, I reinforced that I’d mentioned it but he hadn’t heard me. I started sending text messages for anything g inportant, and rather than calling (shrieking) down the stairs, or across the garden.

I told family not to speak more loudly so he could hear them. I didn’t explain what others had said (anyone from guests through shop assistants). I refused to have subtitles on the few TV programmes we watch, constantly turned down the radio, Bluetooth speakers, the SatNav and so forth, so the volume was comfortable to me and mostly inaudible to him.

Took a while, but not as long as I’d feared, before he was forced to admit it was his hearing, not my lovely dulcet tones. He was nonetheless astounded that his hearing test showed severe loss in both ears!

I feel your pain.

Dh has a particular hearing loss that NHS aids can't cope with. He went to a private hearing clinic and bought some very expensive ones which worked brilliantly. However, his hearing is now so poor that I think he needs new ones - he doesn't.

I keep reminding he that he is more likely to get dementia but to no avail.

Siope you did well, very clever.
I went through this same situation and I think it is very selfish and stubborn of the person involved. It really adversely affects relationships. My DS was so frustrated by it, he hardly bothered to speak to my DH, who was left in a world of his own at family events.
DS now geared up for hearing aids no matter what age he is!

holly thank you. It was very hard but I was concerned about dementia and social isolation and knew that the sooner hearing loss is corrected the better it is for future hearing. Plus repeating myself constantly was driving me to drink.

I have noticed that recently his voice has started getting much quieter… 😂

My friend was also told not to raise her voice, or repeat herself as she was having problems with her vocal cords and her DH was hard of hearing (claimed he wasn’t). The GP said her DH would hear key words and it was up to him to work out the gist!
He now has a hearing aid, but like so many, won’t wear it as he should.

My DH was the same. It was not the tv that was the problem, didn’t need it turned up, it was conversations he couldn’t hear. I was embarrassed when in company as he answered what he thought someone said, which could be nothing like what they had said. Also was cross if I ‘answered for him’.

When I finally got him to go for a hearing test, he was told he had a severe hearing loss, especially in one ear. He came away extremely subdued.

Started off with NHS ones, but he had to have moulded ones (because his hearing loss was bad). In hot weather they got sweaty and uncomfortable, so he now has private ones, which are more discreet.

Often has to have his ears microsuctioned as he seems to make a lot of wax, maybe a result of the aids.

Still not perfect, but so much better than before. I tell him if only he had gone for a test years ago, perhaps the problem would not be so bad….

(Probably not true, but….)

My DH finally admitted he had a problem and was given 2 aids at hearing clinic. Will he wear them? NO. Drives me to distraction. I automatically say everything twice. TV volume is the worst. Sometimes I now put my noise cancelling headphones on and pretend I am listening to an audiobook. Saves the arguments. I know it's not fair on me but don't know what else to do.

My husband was the same but a few years ago I spoke to him about it while we were on holiday . He didn't say anything at the time but when we came back he made an appointment and was diagnosed within a severe hearing problem. When he wore his aids for the first time ,it was emotional for both of us. He hadn't heard bird song for years but hadn't realised it. He couldn't believe how loud a tap was we he turned the water on. Now four years later he recommends them to all his friends.

I had the same problems with my 80 year old DH (obviously missing plot lines in TV thrillers) , blaming me for "muttering" because he couldn't hear. I nagged at him reminding that cognitive disfunction can be caused by deafness. I did try " you're not blind but you do need help with your eyes , so you have spectacles. Hearing is the same , no-one is calling you "deaf" just you need help with your ears".
I think the deal breaker was his realising about the dementia thingy and so we got the hearing test and very severe problems in one ear and significant decline in the upper register.
Had read all the sorry tales and so was terrified that he would be bloody minded and so refuse to wear them ( bloody minded ? sshurely not) . Delighted by modern unobtrusive design and currently road-testing some bluetooth ones.
He was most delighted that he could hear the beeping noise that the fridge door makes when left open !!!
It's clear he can hear so much more. It's like he has been granted a re-admission pass to life.......
He's in much better spirits also. I think the untreated hearing loss was making him depressed.

Men! What do you expect? They hate to admit they are less than perfect. My dh is 77 and still thinks he’s superman-bless him!

Oh my goodness, I’m nodding along to so much here! Dh does now have aids but often doesn’t wear them because he says they’re uncomfortable or that he’s worried about losing them. I do try Siope’s method of not repeating myself etc but even that is hard work. It’s like you’re having to think for two people all the time.

My dad was also deaf in later life. What worked was one of my small DC saying to my mum ‘Grandad might as well be dead, he doesn’t hear anything I say to him.’ It worked, though, he went and got aids!

I'm another one who mumbles...
It's the "what'd he say?" or the vacant look and "what?" after being asked a question. I often just shake my head and walk on. Fed up repeating things.
And then the shouting when he's on the phone to someone, I can hear him when I'm nowhere near. Often have to tell him to stop hollering.
Drives me round the bend.

But he doesn't need hearing aids.

You could ask him to do an online hearing test, rnid.org.uk has one, it is the Royal National Institute for the Deaf so a legitimate site.

Ditto.

It's my fault, I speak too quietly.
If I speak louder, I'm shouting!

He had a hearing test at Specsavers years ago and they told him there's nothing wrong. If we sit in the garden, I might say "Listen to those noisy swifts zooming past, or aren't the spares noisy" but he can't hear them.

Sparrows not spares

My DH is the same it drives me mad 🤬!!!! He eventually got hearing aids but refused to wear them . He has now been diognosed with Alzheimer's. I nagged him for years about his hearing, long before his dementia diognosis. Those of you who have partners who are in denial or unwilling to address their hearing loss may need you to remind them that a significant hearing loss that is not addressed contributes to the development of dementia.
I am sick of repeating myself , tired of hearing him shout on the phone and for a long time now he has unable to contribute to conversation. This is not because of his early stage Alzheimer's it is because he can't hear! I am at my wits end - he thinks I am unsympathetic ! They have no idea of the stress is causes other people. I can cope with his Alzheimer's but the hearing loss - don't get me started !!!!!

Wow, sorry for all the people suffering with this but glad I'm not alone. It really drives me mad having to repeat myself all the time. I have to be right next to him and raise my voice. I find myself withdrawing, honestly can't be bothered with it.
I told him what I learned on this thread about the connection between untreated hearing loss and dementia / Alzheimer and that did the trick. I had no idea about the connection!
He's promised to make an appointment for a hearing test!
So thank you all!

He just did the RNID test on-line and it confirmed he has hearing loss. Thanks for suggesting it, theexwife

Well at least it proves all women are perfect 🤣🤣🤣

I am very sorry Shelflife that things have become so difficult for you.I hope you get the support you need.

I know my hearing is no longer perfect but can still hear everyone talking. I've noticed it in the swimming pool though. Something about the echo makes me want to be nearer people to talk to them.

My husband turns the TV up all the time though.

I'm very conscious of deafness though as my father had a hearing aid before I was born. It was very discreet even then and the workings were part of his glasses frame.

He said - "when you can't hear, people think you are stupid and so can't be bothered to get into conversation with you".
I do speak louder than average and annunciate pretty clearly so at least my husband can hear me!

My mother-in-law was reluctant to get a hearing aid and eventually did.
Unfortunately she tends to save it for when she's going out or having visitors or the cleaner!
I am not a visitor (!) and anyway mostly she can hear me! 🙄