Son taking fiancés surname when married

Is he keeping both names? Our DiL has done this. Their children have both surnames. Not so unusual nowadays. Would this be an option?

I think it’s a lovely idea, our daughter reverted to her maiden name after her divorce, as there are no sons to carry my husbands family on name now, all his brothers and sisters had daughters.
Why ever would you be hurt and upset? I hate to say it’s nothing to do with you but it really isn’t.

I think it s entirely up to them if he’s happy to do it why not ?
I ve always wondered why the girl needs to remove her history for the sake of the male species.
Good for him that he’s happy to do it
Please accept their choices with good grace If you had a daughter you would have lost the family name anyway

I have one good friend who uses her name, her husband uses his and the children use both. Another family I know the adults use their own names and the girls have their mother's surname and the boy has their father's.

My son in law was going to take our surname - but eventually they decided to hyphenated.

I don't think there is a right way to do names but if it matters to her he is a kind and generous person to offer this to her. What a lovely gift.

I think it's thoughtful of your daughter-in-law to want to maintain her family name and caring of your son to be willing to change his. I wouldn't be upset if my sons had chosen to do this as it's their marriage, their choices.

Meant to add, please don't feel hurt and upset as they step out together on this path.

Is he your only child too?

I wish I’d kept my surname - much preferred it to the one I automatically took but that’s how it generally was in the past.

Not uncommon in aristocratic families when woman is a heiress, officially it’s a double barrelled name like Brown-Jones and the Brown gets dropped in everyday use.
At the end of the day you can call yourself whatever you want

Normal to want the name to keep going?
Yes
To feel hurt - no. Unless you are worried that your son will be the last of his "line,"
Their choice- why should it hurt you?
Be happy for them.

Don’t forget too that a lot of women these days have a professional life in which their name is very important, we have 2 nieces who are Doctors and have kept their own names.
TBH nobody thought twice about it, when you think about it, it’s a very old fashioned tradition and harks back to when a woman became a man’s property ( along with all of her money).

Quite common these days as is them both keeping their own names. I wish I’d kept mine but it wasn’t something many people thought about .
I wouldn’t be at all upset or hurt. After all in the past it was a sign of ownership.

When I married back in the lste 1960s, I tried to keep my surname, but i was too far ahead of my time.

DH was quite happy wih it, but I was told many incorrect things - that my passportlegally had to be in my married name, ditto bank account, so that in the end I gave up.

I have decided that if I am widowed, I will revert to my maiden name.

Our 12 yr old GD has already realised that her/our surname will die out as her brother has no intention of marrying and/ or having children. she would love the idea, when it comes, that her partner could take her surname. I don’t recall DF minding that we all changed our names when we got married.

DS 1 and his then fiancée planned to do this at one time, for the same reason. That plan changed to each keeping their own surname. DS 2 and his wife went on to do exactly the same thing. However, one dil has since started using our surname instead and the other talks about doing that too, largely, I think, because it is simpler for them to have have exactly the same surname as their children.

Initially, we felt slightly 'upset' that our dils and future dgc might not have our surname, but over time I have realized that it really doesn't matter one jot. In fact, if I had my time again, I am fairly sure that I would keep my own original surname!

It’s tradition in the UK for women to give up their own name and use their husbands. Other countries have a different approach. Try researching family history and see how women disappear.
Many young couples I know have amalgamated their two family last names to make a new one. I kept my family name, our children had both names but not hyphenated.

I know a couple of men who took their wive’s or husband’s names on marriage. Now gay and lesbian people can marry, the whole name change tradition is being challenged.

What’s there to feel hurt about? How do you think women abandoning their own family name have felt

What a very lovely thing for him to do. You should be proud.

It’s less complicated to use your husbands name when you are married.
Just thinking, I can think of only one woman I know that uses her family name, she is very wealthy, everyone else has taken their husbands name on marriage. The few couples that have kept their separate names have civil partnerships.
Many women do use their maiden name in professional life, absolutely normal and has been for many years

Katie59

It’s less complicated to use your husbands name when you are married.
Just thinking, I can think of only one woman I know that uses her family name, she is very wealthy, everyone else has taken their husbands name on marriage. The few couples that have kept their separate names have civil partnerships.
Many women do use their maiden name in professional life, absolutely normal and has been for many years

How is it less complicated to use your husband's name? If you change name for any reason it's the same amount of paperwork.

BlueBelle ,I agree with you. I have always regretted giving up my surname on marriage. Why did I settle for a name no where near as good? On the other hand why was I given my father's name - not my mother's - and so it goes on! It's just another way of disregarding women and that has been going on for ever , all over the world.

you've raised a loving,thoughtful son.. you should be proud of him..

In Iceland everyone keeps the name they got at birth. Along with the small number of people, it causes immense problems when dating - working out if you are related or not.

My husband and I were very relieved to learn our grandson had been given our son’s surname as otherwise it would have meant our family name dying out altogether.

As others have said, the double barrel approach is far more common now.
I would think it unusual myself for the man to drop his name in favour of his new wife's. But why not!

2 people I knew changed their names when their parents divorced. One cousin named herself after her budgie 🐥 and another invented a new name.

Similar to your situation would be another couple who, on marriage, decided on a double name: half his surname and half her mother's surname. her dp were divorced
Her father was very hurt.
I changed my name to my DH happily to gain an extra syllable 😂 but anyway most women did back then.
DSis didn't change.

Yes Catherine I think it is normal to feel hurt an upset if you are a traditionalist.