Hurt at being excluded from friendship group

I have no personal experience of this*Tenko*, but if it were to happen with a group of our friends, the one responsible for the nasty bullying behaviour would be called out on it straight away.

This man behaves the way he does because he's allowed to do so. You say the other two who joined in apologised the next day, but I doubt the main culprit is aware that they've done so.

The other group members IMO are making excuses for one of three reasons. Firstly they were not the ones targeted. Secondly they're not strong enough to stand up to him or thirdly, they don't really find his behaviour that offensive because of the first reason.

I'm glad you're moving on and you're right it has echos of school behaviour so you're better off without them.

Do you actually WANT to be part of a group where your DH has been verbally abused?
I’d be happy to seethe back of them , glad you are moving on.
As the saying goes “With friends like these, who needs enemies” ?

You are both well out of it, continue to steer clear of them all.
X will do the same to one of the other men now, and serve him right.
See your real friends in future and use another pub to meet.

That's the trouble with bullies, they'll continue until someone is brave enough to stand up to them... t doesn't sound as though the other men were really friends to your DH. Don't the wives have any say?

We went out to meet a group of friends years ago meals out quiz nights and a few short holidays. Then new comers relatives of friends joined the group.
Things changed spiteful remarks were made for no good reason to most in the group who just put up with it. The person responsible was a woman who liked to insult members of the group. I think it was jealousy for whatever reason.
I had a few snide remarks directed at me which she thought were funny. I have never been a wall flower I speak my mind and don't mince my words. I would not have put up with such behaviour when I was young. I most certainly wasn't putting up with it in my fifties.
We stopped going out with the group and I am glad we did friends like that we can do without. Enjoy your own social life and other friends life is too short drop them it's their loss.

they are not worth bothering about.
move on.
forget them.
life is precious.
good luck.

Life is just too short to socialise with people like this. Could you and your husband join some joint activity group like a walking group where there are lunches , dinners and get togethers with like minded people? There are way too many bullies like this man around and others will congregate around them like bees to the honey pot. You can't take them down because their brains are so sharp that they have a rebuke for anything you could say. The best way is to head for the hills and find people who are more deserving of you and your husband's company. Good luck and you are still very young!

pascal30

That's the trouble with bullies, they'll continue until someone is brave enough to stand up to them... t doesn't sound as though the other men were really friends to your DH. Don't the wives have any say?

The wives keep out of it . They still
Include me on girls nights saying it’s X problem not they’s. One of the DW has had issues with X and is very cold to him . Most of the DW dislike how their OH are in X company .
X gf is lovely, far too good for him.

Smileless2012

I have no personal experience of this*Tenko*, but if it were to happen with a group of our friends, the one responsible for the nasty bullying behaviour would be called out on it straight away.

This man behaves the way he does because he's allowed to do so. You say the other two who joined in apologised the next day, but I doubt the main culprit is aware that they've done so.

The other group members IMO are making excuses for one of three reasons. Firstly they were not the ones targeted. Secondly they're not strong enough to stand up to him or thirdly, they don't really find his behaviour that offensive because of the first reason.

I'm glad you're moving on and you're right it has echos of school behaviour so you're better off without them.

You’re right the other DH won’t or can’t stand up to him. I suspect they are frightened of being excluded as well . X dominates the group and is admin of the WhatsApp group .

I'm glad you haven't had to forgo the womens friendships. Otherwise, totally the right thing to move on.

MawtheMerrier

Do you actually WANT to be part of a group where your DH has been verbally abused?
I’d be happy to seethe back of them , glad you are moving on.
As the saying goes “With friends like these, who needs enemies” ?

No , we recognise them for what they are and happy to move on. It’s good for our livers as well , as they are BIG drinkers . 2 I suspect are functioning alcoholics .

Thank you for your support . It just reinforces, that we need to move on and not dwell on it .

So you don't need to feel hurt at being excluded from this friendship group - but relieved to be shot of them !

Wyllow3

I'm glad you haven't had to forgo the womens friendships. Otherwise, totally the right thing to move on.

The women are fine , we get on well and there’s no drama. We’re all in a book club , which I don’t want to forgo.

MawtheMerrier

So you don't need to feel hurt at being excluded from this friendship group - but relieved to be shot of them !

Haha , so true

LRavenscroft

Life is just too short to socialise with people like this. Could you and your husband join some joint activity group like a walking group where there are lunches , dinners and get togethers with like minded people? There are way too many bullies like this man around and others will congregate around them like bees to the honey pot. You can't take them down because their brains are so sharp that they have a rebuke for anything you could say. The best way is to head for the hills and find people who are more deserving of you and your husband's company. Good luck and you are still very young!

Thank you . I haven’t been called very young for long time .
Interestingly only the guys in the group hang around him . He’s not popular in the pub due to his behaviour with others .
We have a lively puppy, so we walk a lot and he keeps us busy .

None of them come out well. I would give the lot a wide berth.

Allsorts

None of them come out well. I would give the lot a wide berth.

Thanks, we are

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

I wouldn’t have anything to do with any of them. What a nasty bunch they sound. Definitely move on and forget them.