I like my own space…

Do keep an eye on him with his new hobbies. Mr K got very involved with his volunteering until I discovered his new lady friend!

notgran Please don't judge others when you have not lived their life.
My DH worked long unsociable hours often away from home for all of our marriage. During that time I did almost everything and looked after our son's so that when he was at home he had little to do. I also worked full time so I more than contributed to our our home, I still work part time.
I don't think finding it difficult to adjust is unreasonable, it takes two.

I love my husband, I also love my own space.
In our earlier married life he was away more than he was home, I got very accustomed to being on my own.

We now run a business together so I get less time to myself.
When he was last away, it was for 10 blissful days, the TV didn’t go on once!
I read pottered and had a lovely time, I was happy to welcome him home though.

This kind of thread makes me glad I divorced early! I have never been lonely on my own and love my own space.

The advice from posters about man caves and hobbies is very useful because it gives the partner something to do. An important difference between males and females is the extent to which men compartmentalize their lives and keep their different roles shut away in different drawers. When they "lose" the important role of "worker" they need something meaningful to put in its place. Women are far better (generally speaking) at integrating the different roles of work/family/friend/pastimes and so on. Hence most women are better at filling up the time when they retire.

suggesting hobbies and man-sheds so the woman can have the house to themselves, is very selfish and as I say sounds like Hyacinth Bucket. It is the marital home not the wife's home

What tosh!

Men like their own space at times too! Its not selfish to allow them to have it.

notgran

Some of these comments sound like they have been posted by Hyacinth Bucket, in the TV series "Keeping up Appearances" Try to remember ladies, it is his home also and he has probably contributed more financially than you to obtain it. I seriously would be concerned about my relationship if you are worried about spending more time with him, when he finally retires. If it's any consolation he will probably die before you so you will have your own space back again. Harsh, I realise but true.

Gracious.

Don't bother to attempt working out who contributed more. And either of our death will be no consolation.

Your post is not true at all to my life.

biglouis

*suggesting hobbies and man-sheds so the woman can have the house to themselves, is very selfish and as I say sounds like Hyacinth Bucket. It is the marital home not the wife's home*

What tosh!

Men like their own space at times too! Its not selfish to allow them to have it.

Thank you! Exactly this. I love my OH, but we also have our own interests and he likes to go off and do his own thing at times too. And for your information, notgran, the days of the husband contributing more financially to a marriage while the 'little woman' stayed at home chained to the sink are long gone.

My DH was quite capable of deciding how he wanted to spend his time. He divided it between the garden, greenhouse and garage and was happy. I could get on with things in the house and when he came in for lunch we would have long conversations. It was a pleasant time for us both.

Friendship among men us dfferent to womens, my dh only has one friend, living hours away, so was grateful when i researched a few activities he might get involved with which have kept him occupied and interested over his first 20 years of retirement. Life is very dull if spent sitting at home just us alone, day after day with him looking at phone/tv/phone again and me, the wall.
We do go out walking together but not every day and activities elsewhere always improve conversation.

I now have too much of my own space. Be careful what you wish for.

We have both been retired around 15 years and both rub along fine, in fact I love it. We both do whatever we want in the way of housework and I do the cooking with Mr B often watching so he can learn. We always discuss last thing at night our plans for the next day, he might well be going into town to buy a book and I might well decide to go with him or not. We don’t need our own space, we don’t seem to need it

Greyduster

I now have too much of my own space. Be careful what you wish for.

Yes, I know what you mean. I love him dearly and don’t want to be alone…..but there has to be a happy medium.

Of course greyduster, its a different matter entirely, to be completely alone,

biglouis

*suggesting hobbies and man-sheds so the woman can have the house to themselves, is very selfish and as I say sounds like Hyacinth Bucket. It is the marital home not the wife's home*

What tosh!

Men like their own space at times too! Its not selfish to allow them to have it.

I thought most men liked a shed ?
In DH's case it's a garage aka workshop. Even the DGC, when tiny, would know exactly where to find him.

If he doesn't want to go out and join U3A, Probus, other interest groups, then why don't you?
Although I do like my own space at home, I must admit.

Warning: Don't be tempted to downsize too drastically after retirement!

What surprises me about this thread is that it appears to assumes the woman is a housewife whilst the man works. Now the retirement age is equal, I know I wasn't the only woman to work until able to take my State Pension.
Is it really common now for the wife to be a housewife while the husband works? As the husband is usually older, surely now it is likely to be the husband getting used to the house to himself whilst the wife still works?

Having the house to herself was not Hyacinth Bucket’s prime motivation, notgran - I think you may have missed the point of that series!

Must admit I was a mite worried about how somewhat workaholic dh would occupy his time once retired, but it’s been no problem. He has done a couple of classes ever since, has appropriated a small spare room as his lair (aka study) where he spends a lot of time, and also walks/cycles a fair bit. Researching his family history was a big thing for him for what seemed ages - would that be on the cards for your dh, OP?

We were never joined at the hip, though - at least partly because he had always worked very long hours anyway, not to mention fairly frequent weeks or months abroad for work.

Once my father retired my parents did absolutely everything together, so as a result my mother was even more lost when he died at only 72. Personally I think doing your own separate things in retirement - to some extent anyway - is healthy.

Greyduster

I now have too much of my own space. Be careful what you wish for.

Greyduster, MawtheMerrier
Yes, true

Smileless2012

I found it hard when Mr. S. first retired Poppyred especially when I was doing house work around him but you get used to it. Give it time and don't stop doing the things you were doing like meeting friends for lunch and/or coffee or any clubs you're a member of.

If he isn't doing so already, suggest some things he can do to get him out of the house and don't forget, he's probably finding it as difficult as you are.

Good luck.

Didn't you share the jobs once he had retired too? I'm not sure I would want to do housework round someone.

Greyduster

I now have too much of my own space. Be careful what you wish for.

Of course, Greyduster, and most of us do appreciate that. There is a world of difference between choosing to have some time on your own and being alone not through choice.

Yestwrday , I had a very bad day with my father .
The paramedics were amazing and so was the doctor .
It turns out that he was faking illness .

I missed meals and my head was throbbing .

One of my friends came over - which was kind .
But I really wanted to have some time to myself .

I had to make tea and polite conversation .

She's very unhappy at home and likes to stay out .

I do understand .

Whitewavemark2

Yes, definitely. We take it in turns to walk the dog so that is at least a couple of hours and then there is always the shed??

but which one of you sits in the shed? heh heh

I do like my own space at times, for sewing, reading and so on so have converted a small bedroom for that purpose.

It has got nothing to do with women's attitudess to their houses, Hyacinth Bucket or any other references

The simple fact is that some people by nature need mind space, time when they are alone and have not got people round them, others are the exact reverse. They are at a loss if there are no people around them and for some reason most marriages tend to contain one of each.

When we were younger and working, DH's job required a lot of travelling, mainly overseas and sometimes for a month at a time, so I got a lot of time on my own and never realised how important it was to me.

When I retired we bought a house with a huge workshop in the garden, which DH enthusiastically revamped and fitted out for all his various projects. But he is someone who likes to have people round him and quickly found he would rather do any project work indoors where I was there for company, rather than isolate himself and work in his workshop.

Thankfully within a year he went back to work - from home and until COVID and his heart attack, continued his business travel, which essentially he enjoyed. When COVID came. I found it very difficult to adjust to having someone around the house all the time, but I have carved out space for myself. I sleep less than him, so have time to myself in the early morning, There are times when he is out doing other things and I have the house to myself. He then has to accept there will be times when he is alone in the house when I am out.

I will not pretend it is easy, but we manage.

We manage too.
DH likes music or TV in every room he is in - I like quiet sometimes.
DH spends weekends watching quite a lot of different sport - I don’t watch most of it but will bury my head in a book.
We both enjoy going for walks,
and having a lazy takeaway meal in.
I like that we are companions but that does not mean we have to be doing all the same things.

Greyduster

I now have too much of my own space. Be careful what you wish for.

I'm so sorry.

Worst fear in my life, wouldn't wish that empty space on anyone.

Remember enjoy each others company while you are able to , my hard working lovely husband collapsed & died in front of me , retired 16months before ! Yes I still miss him so much , yes have your own space if you feel like it , but still have quality time together ... God bless