Upset at Family moving abroad

My son went to NZ 27 years ago, just for a look around, he never returned apart from 3 week holidays every 5 years He is a NZ citizen now as is his English wife

Well of course!

And of course some parts of Italy are much easier to get to than others. You can get to Milan, Verona, Florence from London with fast speed very comfortable trains in a day. And some are near airports. others not to.

Can i just point out that Gibraltar isn't near Italy its attached to Spain but i know the people are just as friendly.

Very very different to have family moving to NZ or OZ, or any location on the other side of the world, or to Europe. Northern France is far nearer to London and SE England, than many regions in the North.

ive been there with family moving while suffering depression,it really hurts,it can bring up difficult feelings and thoughts. as i look back it was like a bereavement.Lots of people seem to breeze through it,and happily wave them off.From my meetings with people who have family that moved away, underneath the smiles there is often an aching heart.I agree with others that it may benefit to ask for some help with this,good luck ,i hope things become easier.

Chardy

Italy is a couple of hours away on a plane. If they are not too far from an airport that has flights to somewhere vaguely near you, you could do less travel time than if they were moving to an inaccessible bit of UK. Good luck.

Indeed. DollyD wrote about this 1 year ago- it would be nice to hear how many times she has visited them and how she is doing now.

bunnykins' story is very different. Again, Gibraltar is easy to fly to, and with assistance for physical disabilities. Dialysis is fairly easy to organise. But her severe depression and other issues make things so so much more difficult. Let's hope you will be able to find solutions.

Very few of my friends do not have children and grandchildren living abroad.

We are so lucky to have Whatsapp, Zoom, Googlemeet, etc so we can, not only speak to them, but have long face to face conversations online, whenever we want at no cost!

If your family are living in Europe, you should be able to afford an Easyjet flight for a visit.

More difficult if they are on the other side of the world but, if you can afford it and you are retired, make it a long visit. Someone I know whose family are in Australia reckons she has spent more time with her grandchildren than she might have done if they'd been in another part of the UK.

tanith
I’m slightly envious, I love Gibraltar.
The last time I was there was 2019.

Bunney I am so sorry that you are going through this. As others have said you need professional help to work through all the physical and mental issues. I hope you feel better able to cope soon

Bunny that is so unfair on your poor son putting your whole life’s unhappiness on his shoulders You need professional help and quickly you will be ruining not only your life, your husbands and your sons…
you cannot build your happiness on someone else life

Get help asap Bunny your reaction to a perfectly normal happening is way, way, way over the top and indicates you have a really big mental health
problem

In my experience Italian families are really warm and inclusive once you're part of the family,which of course you are, I imagine you'll have wonderful times over there.. and big family get togethers if your daughters family go as well.. enjoy

Do speak to your GP for help with your depression and insomnia. My son lives in Gibraltar its only 2/1/2 hr flight in fact I'm going next week to visit. They have a good hospital and as Gib is a UK territory its possible they could arrange Dialysis if you should need it. Its a wonderful place to visit lots to do and see and its history and relationship with nearby neighbour Spain is so interesting. It is possible once you get your depression treated. Good luck.

Italy is a couple of hours away on a plane. If they are not too far from an airport that has flights to somewhere vaguely near you, you could do less travel time than if they were moving to an inaccessible bit of UK. Good luck.

Quite a common experience these days, and it can be a hard lesson to learn, that your adult children must not only be allowed to, but should also be supported and encouraged to lead their own lives, even if that includes emigrating. In your case, relatively speaking, Italy is so much more accessible than OZ or NZ, so that's a positive, plus we're all so much more connected these days via the Internet. Be happy for your Son and his partner, and think of those lovely holidays you can look forward to. A negative or unsupportive response will only cause resentment.

Bunney
Please talk to your GP asap - you need immediate help that is beyond the scope of this board

You cannot rely on your son for your happiness

I need some support. My son who is in the RAF has been posted to Gibraltar for 3 years and I am distraught. I don't think I will be able to visit as I have kidney failure and severe depression and insomnia which would prevent me from. travelling let alone getting travel insurance.I can't imagine life without him being near.I stay indoors by myself as I cannot face normal people. I have lost a good job and good friends because of this and I totally blame myself for this - it need not have happened.We have been through thick and thin together - that's a long story.I don't even want to talk to him anymore because the hurt is too much - he finds it difficult coping with the mental health issues. I have a wonderful husband but sometimes I feel that it gets him down because I have turned fro a fun loving girl to a complete wreck in the space of a year.I don't know what the future holds for me I suppose it will be dialysis. Any help would be appreciated

A couple of people have asked if I have other DC or GC and I do have a lovely DD, Sil and three GC, who I am also very close to, so I’m not totally bereft but because he has his own business, he’s the one who just pops round during the day, usually to raid my fridge, while my Dd and husband have 9 to 5 jobs and are busy in the evenings running around with after school activities, although I do see my Gson a couple of times after school and socially I actually do see more of them.
It’s the joshing and banter and cheeky chappie I’ll miss when he drops by for five minutes.

I just want to recognise that you are keeping your feelings in check around your son. He must know how hard this will be for you. This sounds like a difficult decision for the family to have made, they must have worried about your reaction.
Yet you are stepping back and allowing them to make their decision. This is such a good forum to allow anonymous sharing, and I'm glad it has helped you.
Your son and his family will be so grateful to you for taking this stance.

It’s twenty years this year since my son moved the US after marrying his American wife. He’ll never come back to the UK to live but I think I’ve made my peace with that. We’ve seen him almost every year since, pandemic excepting. You do get used to it and it’s given us all opportunities we never dreamt we’d have.

Is your son your only child? Would he be open to you moving there as well, once settled? If that’s not a prospect, then I agree it’s not a huge journey to undertake and you may end having adventures too.

It's not easy, DollyD, especially if they have lived close to you and are so supportive but Italy is not too far and now restrictions are lifted I hope you can visit regularly.

Our DD moved to Spain which seemed like the other side of the world at first. I can understand how you feel but you son will still be at the end of a phone to help and advise you, and Italy is a nice place to visit.

I have a daughter in the southern part of the province, and we are in the northern part of BC. I just googled the distance, and it is very similar from London to Rome, over 1000 km, plus a ferry.

We facetime several times a week, and I manage to see her about 3 times a year. It's about a 2 hour flight for me, or 2 days driving, which we usually do in the summer. The grandchildren know us just as well as their other grandparents, and receive us with open arms when we visit. I also send little packages to the GC with candies, colouring books, etc., just as I give little gifts to the CG I have in town still.

You can make it work to have a good relationship with them, and have lovely visits to look forward to.

Its hard and will take a while to accept, if it actually happens.
My dd has lived in Europe for over 15 years and though not so far its still a flight and I hadnt seen her fir 2 years til recently. I miss the spontaneity because visits are arranged months in advance and cant easily be altered after flights and airport parking etc have all been booked.
However it is still much closer than those much further distant places she coukd have moved to, and for that I have to count my blessings,
You will be ok in time, try to keep busy and look firward to visits.

My DDIL is Italian and DS has said they want to move to Italy sometime, I was pretty upset but hid it when it was first mentioned.
Realistically it’s not difficult to fly there from where we live, it would be a fabulous opportunity for holidays and I would never, ever be anything other than fully supportive.
With being able to message and FaceTime we would probably speak more to them than we do now when they live 100 miles away!
My mother used blackmail to stop me living abroad, I wasn’t strong enough to ignore her. I regret lost opportunities.

My eldest lives in Canada...has done on and off for around 10 years...sometimes comes home for 2 weeks ...sometimes for 5 months...I just enjoy him when I'm with him....I still cry everything I drop him at the airport...but I never cry when he drops me off at airport to fly back to UK ( not sure why that is?) .....when I retire I hope to get over there more often... but we will see...I used to think he's just a plane journey away...but covid skewed things a bit...I'm sure it would be much harder if he had children...my 3 GD and other 2 DC are all on my door step...do you gave other DC or GC here? I completely get why it will be hard seeing your GS go ... that stabbing pain of missing them does ease ...you kinda get used to them not being there....do you use WhatsApp? We have a family group....we all message stuff every day ...send photos...day to day stuff...pictures of our meals...places we visit...it keeps us all connected