How do I reclaim my flat?

I'm a big softie with my grandchildren....I probably wouldn't charge them rent but they would need to pay their utilities....If my hubby & I needed to use the flat would suggest that maybe he could sofa surf with a pal if he didn't want to stay when we were there..

All this does is put off the day when our children have to stand on their own two feet and accept the responsibilities that being an adult involves. Taking away the need to budget for rent and other bills do them no favours at all. When they eventually have to do so they will find it it very hard indeed.

I think you or your husband should frequently turn up at your flat without warning from time to time to quietly demonstrate it is yours and not his.

Ask him to vacate the bedroom permanently so your own bed there is always immediately available for you.

If you charge him rent etc won't you then be making yourself a landlord with loads of complications that brings eg tax, fire and goodness knows what else. Other than that thought, has your GS actually shown you what he has been trying to obtain as accommodation? Would give you an idea of what to charge him.

Personally, I would find it difficult to deprive a family member of a safe place to stay in somewhere like London especially if I didn't use the flat all the time. One poster suggested a sofa bed and that is a good idea. Beats an air mattress any day of the week. I agree with other posters who say to rent it to him either at market rent or one that covers your main costs. My daughter, while sorting out a place to live, lived rent free with my sister but always contributed to the living expenses and paid for her own internet. We had made her homeless by moving house as she had lived with us. It is extremely hard to save a deposit for your own place or even to meet a landlord's deposit and rent in London. Is he also paying off the student loan? I think you need to decide what your priority is - to gain sole possession of your flat or give the GS a helping hand. Could he afford to buy the flat from you with the proviso you can stay there when required? Good luck working out a solution.

How fortunate you are to have a second home. Let him stay and charge a reasonable rent. He is your grandson after all. London is so expensive.

I’m glad you’ve spoken to your GS, Semiruralgirl

Don’t listen to people saying you should give up your home for your grandson. It’s yours and you aren’t wrong to want it

Could he afford to buy the flat from you with the proviso you can stay there when required?

I know the OP has given us an update, but felt I had to comment on this suggestion.

Picture the scene a couple of years down the line after the above scenario has happened. GS now has a live-in girlfriend maybe.

“What do you mean, your grandparents want to come and stay here?For how long? Oh, for goodness sake! Where are we all going to sleep? Well, I’m not sleeping on an air bed! Tell them to stay in a hotel, they can afford it! This is our flat now, remember, not theirs!”

You’ll think it could never happen…..

I have helped out on occasions but I am even so bossy (teacher and eldest in family) that I insist on writing down "contract" and signing it so there can be no "forgetting " what has been agreed. Then do a practical reminder of whose the flat is. Arrive without warning as and when you want to , if he has to stop to remake matress etc before going out in the evening so what? As you go through the time there turn the radio on to your music or switch it off or down without comment. Decide what programme you want to watch on tv and ask him if he is going to watch it with you - do not ask what he wants to see. The old saying that you the person who pays for the coal gets to poke the fire seems pertinent. If he is really making a genuine effort you could be a bit less insistant . We would all like to live in a area that suits us but when I moved to london as a teenager I had to stay in a grotty area until I could afford and look for something better. That is life, and when you have been in a horrid bedsit you really appreciate your next clean place. So at the moment he is being spoonfed and my goodness they can all get used to that and have no incentive to move on. However I would comment that I think the parents should have been reminding him of your generosity and to not expect to rely on it long term and that he should be grateful for the opportunity you have given him. Not many have such luck and if he wants to be an adult that means behaving like one and standing on his own feet and respecting other peoples rights . You could perhaps suggest to your own son or daughter that you might like to stay in THEIR house while yours is being decorated or whatever . Tables turned can often remind people of their responsibilities!!

I do see the difficulty here as it’s your place but I have a young grind who was on a decent salary (£50k) in London, by the tone she paid for a room, transport and a small amount of food, she had nothing left at all. She’s now on £80k after many years of struggling and can finally live in a tiny rented studio and have some month left over at the end of the money. She will never be able to save enough to buy, she’s a fantastic money manager but the costs are enormous in London. I’d help my grandson any day of the week if I could.

Many apologies for not checking before posting, fat finger syndrome with ipaditis. Hope you can all get the drift.

Many replies have stressed the young man's situation and in the light of those I have chnaged my mind. Not that anyone will remember, and that's okay. I now believe that he might be asked to pay a reasonable rent, and there will remain the useful pied a terre for the older people.