My Friend.

OP

You seem to have romantized this "relationship"

Are you sure he sees the same way you do?

If anybody wants something or somebody, nothing stops that person from achieving it

My late mother in law was still travelling to Abergele from Southend in her 80s.
Her man friend ? would visit her. When he visited we were told not to visit mum as he was embarrassed.

beautybumble

DiscoDancer1975. You've hit the nail on the head. I will rethink it all and do something positive. Thank you all for your kindness, its made things seem clearer.

You’re very welcome. Hope things work out for you ?

There is no rehearsal for life.
Yesterday, we attended the funeral of dear S i L.
I regret the things that I did not do for M mi L F i L and my parents.
If you want to do something; find a way to do it!
At least you will have a better knowledge of how things stand between you.
You might be denying the companionship that you both crave.
Find out!

Now that’s a lovely romantic tale muse, perhaps that’ll inspire you beautybumble, go for it.

Maybe a nice long weekend in a country hotel somewhere and spend a bit of time somewhere neutral where nobody is hosting or cooking or worrying. Life is short, grab it. Muse, your story is lovely as is yours peas blossom.

beautybumble

No Lucca, 8 hours door to door.

Goodness how far are you both from a station ? Just asking !!

DiscoDancer1975. You've hit the nail on the head. I will rethink it all and do something positive. Thank you all for your kindness, its made things seem clearer.

No Lucca, 8 hours door to door.

You need to think more of you, and less about commitments. I’m sure if he feels the same, he could lessen his workload. It may mean you spending more time at his place, but why not?

The point is...you’re lonely, so something is missing in your family’s commitment to you.

Just do it beautybumble. You’ll regret it if you don’t.

All the best?

That proves that where's there's a will there's a way, muse.

I think you should take the plunge and suggest meeting, make arrangements, beautybumble then at least you will know one way or another and can move forwards.

I knew my DH when I was 18 and him 19. We lived quite a distance apart then so the relationship stopped after a few months. Like you beautybumble I then went on to have a very unhappy marriage and eventually left my ex.

My DH and I discovered each other again after 44 years but the distance apart was even greater (350 miles). We talked on the phone for hours and after 4 weeks we decided to meet half way. A lovely B+B was booked with a room each. After two wonderful days I invited DH to visit me and I then visited him.

After four visits we decided to live together. I sold and moved to live with him as he still worked. One year later we married. This year we've celebrated 5 years together.

My family were over the moon that I had found such a lovely person and encouraged me to grab that happiness. I left all my family and friends behind to be with DH. I do still miss my friends but family come to stay with us. I occasionally visit my DD.

You've had short visits to each other. Try that visit for a month beautybumble. I wish you so much happiness. DH and I are in our early 70's too.

Has this relationship has always been platonic? Would like to move it on a stage but perhaps he doesn't? Why are you both so hesitant?
It reminds me of a song - We're on a road to Nowhere.

Sometimes dreams are better than reality.
Instead of hankering after what might be but for the obstacles in your way, could you try finding other friends, hobbies, clubs etc where you live. You might find you don't miss him as much as you think if you have a busy and fulfilled social life.
You might even meet someone else!
?

Do you have the old fashioned idea that you shouldn't suggest meeting if he doesn't?
Perhaps he's reluctant to say anything too.
Why not suggest meeting up, just as friends who'd like to see each other after the stressful time we've all been having recently?
And see how it goes.

So sorry beauty I missed the fact that your friend is widowed,

There’s a lot to be said for not expecting to move in together, but surely you could each take a short break and meet on neutral ground half way?

When you say he has family am assuming that’s not s wife! Otherwise, if it’s children/grandchildren meeting midway for a few days should not be impossible.
You may then be able to see whether this relationship works for you both.
The holiday option is also a good idea.

Peasblossom Your story would make an excellent book. Do please write it - I'll buy it! I'm going to have fun this morning thinking up a title for it.

No, a piece of hot stuff off to meet her lover?

I like it Peasblossom

If you both feel the same why, why not meet up for holidays? It sounds as though you could both benefit from a break from your responsibilities. That way you could spend a couple of uninterrupted weeks together somewhere beautiful, new and exciting.

At the end of the holiday you might not be able to face being apart and will have to take action, or will be glad to get home and have some time alone. If it's something in the middle of these two, then maybe regular holidays together will give you both what you crave.

Where there’s a will, there is a way.

I spent several very happy years travelling for long weekends to see someone. And he would come to see me, Absence makes the passion better?

Sometimes I drove, most often I did train. There was something really daring and romantic, boarding the train -a grey-haired lady off to see her grandchildren?

No, a piece of hot stuff off to meet her lover??

8 hours by train to do 240 miles ?

There is a saying isn’t there….you only regret what you don’t do.
Not sure if that is correct but hope you get the gist.
What’s wrong with a 2 day break occasionally?

Thank you for your kind response. The commitments I speak of are that at 72 he still works long hours. He has family and so do I. I do a lot for mine to help out. I would love to visit for say a month and then he could come to me for however long. It takes about eight hours door to door if I go by train and five hours by car. I do realise that its all possible and we could have a much closer friendship than we already do. I just need to do more and think less.