Daughter’s fiancé has been secretly gambling and in thousands of debt now

Unbeknown to her and us DDs ex partner was a gambler and stole, lied and cheated, he even got her to take out a loan in her name, when she realised that he had a gambling problem and everything he told her was a lie
( including that he was single, he actually had an ex wife and child) she left him, but we had to pay off the loan she took out as he lost his job and left her penniless.
I hope your daughter protects all of her assets and postpones the marriage.

I was told once.. Give a Alcoholic £100 they will take 24 hrs or more to spend it... Give a Gambler £100 it will be gone within minutes.
At the end of the day he's an Addict.
Such a shame. Good luck.

Thank you Gransnetters for all the very sound and sensitive advice given. It’s greatly appreciated and so sorry for all the pain and distress this addiction has caused to other families too.

Your daughter should attend a meeting of gamblers anon or similar to open her eyes to reality.

I hope rationality wins over her heart

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Esikenang

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I don’t believe that Esikenang, not for a minute. Gambling is a mug’s game and the only winner is the bookie, the casino or whoever you chose to give your money to.
Sometimes you win, yes, but overall you lose.

Sorry overlap there between deletion and me posting.

He will only change when he wants to, so that could be decades. I wouldn’t want my daughter to marry him, but understand that’s not enforceable. She could be in for a rough ride if she stays with him married or not, but at least her finances are safe if they’re separate from his.

I wish you all the best.

her financial situation will be affected if she marries him.

My DD’s ex husband was a gambler. He’d go out at around 10 most evenings and play cards. He’d return home about 5 in the morning and then not want to go to work. He was his own boss so there wasn’t anyone to threaten him with the sack if he didn’t turn up. When my DD would get upset over it he’d say he could get more money playing cards than doing his job. She ended up paying his workmen’s wages out of her money when he didn’t have it himself to pay them. This marriage lasted 15 months. She said afterwards that she knew he gambled before they married but she thought he’d be different when they were a family with children. Meanwhile I’d spent my entire savings paying for their wedding. I am pleased she had the courage to leave though.

I would say run for the hills. Gamblers will lie, cheat and take your last penny. They rely on that Adrenalin high that comes just before they know whether they’ve won or lost, if they win they lose it all again, usually within minutes, if they lose, maybe next time. They will get you to sign your life's work away. You think you can change them, that love conquers everything, but no one will replace the gamblers true love, gambling. Whatever she does, I would beseech your d not to get married, have nothing in both names, be totally independent of him because he will have the lot. Family and friends, nothing is more than betting to them. The devastation they cause to families is truly horrendous, something that’s hard to ever get over.

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Reported. This is an old thread which has been resurrected.

Marydoll

Reported. This is an old thread which has been resurrected.

I really don’t understand the need to report a resurrected thread? 🤷‍♀️

It was the spam message which was reported, not the thread.

Thank you GSM*. !!

Germanshepherdsmum

It was the spam message which was reported, not the thread.

Okay, thank you

So 18 months on... did she have the sense to postpone the wedding? And more importantly not sell her house and take out a joint mortgage with him?
Let's hope he had help for his addiction and things have improved.

Well dear reader, as this thread is 18 months old wss there a happy ending??

Sorry crossed post.

Hithere

Your daughter should attend a meeting of gamblers anon or similar to open her eyes to reality.

I hope rationality wins over her heart

good solid advise.. she may gain an understanding of what her future would involve

Just to say I agree with other GNs here.
IMO a delay or cancellation of the marriage is vital. If it were my daughter, I think I'd have to say something about my feelings on this matter, albeit very carefully and diplomatically. (Even if she is a "mature" woman.) Fingers crossed for the future of your DD & DGD.

Well. Decisions presumably been made by now, for better or worse 🤔 whatever the advice.
Be nice to know tho.

Shinamae When old threads are resurrected it is usually by spammers or trolls (as with this thread) and the resurrected thread is very out of date, as this one is.

To post to this effect is to let people know that this is a dated thread and if you want to discuss this issue, it might be better to start a new thread.

The problem is, some only read the last posting, not realising the thread isn’t current.
Why do spammers and the like pick old threads, not current ones?