Moving in together

All I will say is what is your gut telling you. If you on here asking ppl for advice then that’s telling me. Correct me if I’m wrong but your having doubts already. I’ve lost my home by doing what you about to do. I sold my house which I bought when married to my ex hubby of 22yrs. It was a big thing for me to move in with someone. His place was smaller so it made sense well that’s what the love bug told me lol. Anyway cut a long story short. We lasted 4yrs. He still had his place and I had to move in with one of my sons when it ended until I got my place. Would I do it again no chance. Don’t give up your home for anyone.

I know you don’t want to hear this...
Don’t try to reason or rationalise with her - she’s tying you (and your family) up in knots. This madness will only get worse.

She’s destructive and bad news.
Run now. Fast.

how does she get to boss you around, and tell you what to do, and say you are an inadequate parent.
that doesn't sound very loving.
not even respectful.
if it's like this now, imagine how you would be dominated and belittled if you moved in.
don't do it.

has something happened to your confidence, that you have found yourself being treated like this, and not see clearly, as we all do, how wrong it is.

She can disagree with tgee arrangement you have with your daughter but is NOT entitled to expect you to change that "because its unfair on HER daughter"!! It's your money. Why does she feel its unfair anyway? You are not asking her to contribute money to your daughter? OK it might limit your choices in buying as a couple but that is just the way it is at the moment and she is not entitled to dictate that you change! Relationships are about compromising and building something together...she appears not to get that! Big red flags for me too, I'm afraid!

"My gf likes her daughters to be independent and feels mine still at 25 is reliant on me"

This is the missing piece to this puzzle

Whether she is right or not (this is a valid point) - you may not be as compatible as you think and this relationship's future is in danger.

IF you move in together, you should agree on what each of you is to contribute to the costs.
What you do with the rest of your income & assets is up to you.

It's not reasonable for your partner to insist that all your assets be lumped together and then divided to suit what she thinks is fair to her daughters.

You need to protect yourself financially and to seek legal advice on the situation.
Your partner should do the same.

Sorry my daughter not paying rent just happened that way.
We never discussed it

I next days after could it has just happened that way.
My gf likes her daughters to be independent and feels mine still at 25 is reliant on me

A united GN thread says it all. Why on earth would you be asked to pull the rug out from under your DD and DGD's feet by this new partner? She will isolate you emotionally and financially, please do not sell your house.

As others have said don't do this as it stands at the moment, get proper legal advice but personally I> would run a mile, partner sounds very controlling and you will never win against their kids!

Sorry, Shanavine but you are being gaslighted. You are being put in the wrong because you are not giving into pressure. The issue is not your refusal to be pressured, but about the fact that you are both coming to the relationship with families, and there is a need to sort out how to do the best for them in a way that makes both of you happy. Her way is not making you happy, so you need to find another way, not argue about your refusal to do as you are told.

May I ask again what your girlfriend plans to do financially to compensate your daughter for the fact that she is an only child coming into a family where there are two other daughters? In the ‘fair’ financial system your girlfriend is pushing for, will this mean that she gets twice as much or half as much as her own two (and where will they be living when you move in together)?

I don’t say this lightly, as this is not my relationship, but my advice is to read as much as you can about coercive control, and think about whether there are other red flags.

Don’t move.
I have been in a similar situation, sold home which at that time was being rented out. Money got mixed in with other and later was at the mercy of other as had nowhere to go.
You and your family come first. When your daughter leaves I would rent and share the money after taxes and outgoing if you go and live elsewhere so that you can be always independent if the worst arrives.

I'm presuming that you agreed to let your daughter live rent free in your house until she finishes her studies?
If so, it would be very unfair to her to back out of that arrangement now.
It has nothing to do with the other two girls.

It would be a big mistake to move in with your partner, at the moment, and could well turn out to be a bad idea long-term too.

It really sounds as if she's trying to bully you.

Stay where you are true colours coming out.

Has she showed her true colours?

Alarm bells all over the place. You are being manipulated into selling your home. Stay where you are, at least until all three of the daughters have left home.

Big row last night.
I'm a poor parent, not able to raise my daughter to understand earning for herself.
Feels I'm being unfair to get two as by daughter gets to live free in a house, which could be sold to fund buying a house equally together.
She would like my daughter to rent the house or rent elsewhere.
I help pay and sell my own house so we can but one together.

It appears that she wants to control the relationship perhaps because of past insecurities but your concern must surely be with your daughter and grandchild?

If you make them homeless now your daughter may well have to give up her studies and this will have a huge impact on her future.

Monetary affairs often don’t bring out the best in people and you could be in danger of creating a rift with your own family and, no matter how perfect she seems now, to potentially finding yourself homeless and broke. If she truly loves, and wants the best for you, she will accept that you need to wait for now. Then better to buy a new property together to make a new start.

Stay in your own homes, with visits of whatever length you like to stay with each other.

Get legal advice if you are thinking of doing anything financial.

Your posts are difficult to understand, possibly because your partner has been telling you confusing things.
The comments about fairness are strange - your DD and DGD are nothing to do with her kids.

Your partner may have only good intentions but she seems to be causing confusion which could lead to problems including financial loss for you.

Everyone here is saying - Don't Do It.

Stay where you are, her daughters are not your problem, they have their own wealthy Father, let him look out for them financially,
Something does not sit right with me, why are her daughters your problem, why does she want you to buy half her house ?
What does your daughter think about all of this? Your decision affects her too.

It sounds like she's jealous of your DD. It isn't a great foundation for a happy relationship.
Unless you enjoy being the princess being fought over- do you? You should think very hard and seek legal advice before you do anything drastic..

Don’t do it. Stay where you are.

-Plus her ex was very wealthy and she took a very small settlement.-
I don’t really understand what this has to do with your financial ‘agreement’. Don’t mix your money with hers because if the deal did not come off well you would have lost your home.

I’m another who is uneasy about this. Be honest: you are too.
Initially I felt there was an element of financial gain - that you contribute half the money but ultimately your daughter gains a third.
Now I think it’s a question of power. Her pressing wishes are causing you to doubt yourself and her confusing reasoning enables her to exert control about when you sell your house. She is calling all the shots and could well make your daughter and granddaughter insecure, alienate them from you and make you emotionally and financially dependent on her. That would be a massive no if it were me.
From what you’ve said she alone is determining what happens, is impatient and is prioritising her own and her daughters’ needs. It sounds like ‘me, me, me’ with hints of manipulation.
I suggest you closely examine the dynamic between her and her ex, how they interact, how he sees her as a person. Forget their past and her opinion of him. You might learn a lot and save yourself much grief.

I’ll add to the advice to stay exactly where you are - at least until your daughter finishes her course. Think carefully about who loses and who gains here - I mean everyone.

I don’t understand her ideas of unfairness in the situation at all Very puzzling I can’t understand what she means or wants
If she’s not after money and has plenty surely she’s in a far better position to help her kids than you are to help yours ???
Why does she resent you helping your daughter surely she ll help hers in the future
I m totally puzzled
Stay where you are, what’s the rush ?

There has to be something else going on