Wedding

I think this is all about GC. If there are some, obviously DD won’t be there to look after them so you would be a familiar person for them from that side of the family. If there are no GC involved then I’d send very good wishes and a gift but I wouldn’t go to the wedding itself.

He has asked you so he must want you there.
We have a brilliant relationship with my son's ex wife & are very fond of her.
My son is now also on great terms with her although it took a while. So much better for the children!
Go to the wedding & be glad you are on good terms with him.

I would wish him well but decline the invitation it’s far too easy to affect the relationship with your daughter

Do you have grandchildren, who will be there as their father remarries?

Go with your gut feeling. Personally I would not go because the new marriage is about looking forward. I cannot imagine what either set of bride or groom's parents would be feeling deep down about you being there, but it could be "back off, its time to let go and move on."

I went to a wedding where the bride had been married before ( divorce). She was given away by her first FIL. It was very moving as they obviously regarded her like a DD. Her first H had gone off with someone else.

Grannyrose I feel like you - if someone has invited me, they want me there and I am happy that they do, so I will go, even if I have some misgivings.

In this case I would certainly go, provided I was sure my daughter would not be hurt if I did.

Unless your daughter would find it upsetting, I think you should most definitely go to both events. He clearly cares about you a lot, and might be very hurt were you to decline.

Do what you feel comfortable with and honours his kind invitation and the regard that he holds you in. With such a limit on wedding guests at present you must mean a great deal to him.

I agree with Bbbface, if your daughter doesn't mind go. You must have a good relationship with him or he would not want you there. He still sees you as good friends.

I was invited to my son’s ex girlfriend’s wedding. My son wasn’t happy about my going, so I didn’t. I wasn’t really that close to her so I don’t know why she invited me ?

With all the current restrictions on wedding guests you are obviously highly regarded by your ex SIL. I would not feel the need to seek approval from your DD, she is divorced, for whatever the reasons. Perhaps only accept one invite expkainibg that would allow someone else to attend. Lovely relationship to have.

I stayed friends with my exDiL for the sake of my GD.
I met her new partner and when they had 2 children I became honorary Gran to them, I still am.
I went to family birthdays , first communions etc and met hid family on many occasions.
They decided to marry last year, just before the first lockdown and I was invited.
At first I didn’t want to go, it was just family, a total of 15 all together but my GD prevailed on me to go for her.
I didn’t go to the registry office but went to the hotel later.
The couple paid for us all to stay in a beautiful hotel for a dinner and breakfast the next morning.
It was a lovely setting and went well but I wasn’t comfortable even though I knew everyone and was just accepted.
After dinner I went to my room and stayed there..
On reflection , I shouldn’t have gone.
This was compounded by my not telling my S that she was remarrying and he still doesn’t know.
He would be very unhappy if he knew I had attended.
Unlike me , he doesn’t have his D’s interest uppermost in his mind.
A very sad situation.
Only you can know the right thing to do.

back in the 90s i went to the wedding of my ex-husband with my husband, i knew it was going to be the last time i saw him as he was going to japan a few days later, we emailed now and again and then nothing after the tsunami in 2011.
if you do not feel comfortable going to the wedding then send a card, if you have gc you are likely to see him at birthdays and family gatherings, i have always felt it was easier if adults got along when kids are invloved, your sil must care for you to invite you to his wedding, just go with what feels right for you.

I would check with your daughter and see how she would honestly feel. If she's ok with it go to the blessing where you would feel less uncomfortable.

I’d be inclined to go to just the blessing if you feel that you’d like to support him. I don’t know if all blessings are public affairs, ours was when we had our marriage blessed back in 1987 as it was part of the morning service so the whole congregation celebrated with us

He obviously still thinks of you as family. Guest lists are for the bride and groom to organise on the whole. I would think there had been a discussion already on who to invite.
If your daughter is ok with it and you are happy to then go.

With numbers as restricted as they are I think you should be very happy that he thinks enough of you to invite you to his special celebration. Go to all events, wish him and his new bride all the very best and enjoy!

it would depend on what your daughter thinks, you are there for her and its her feelings that matter

TrishJ. What a lovely person you must be. You should feel proud of your efforts to maintain a relationship that have resulted in a thoughtful and generous invitation.
Sometimes, delving into whys, what’s and wherefores simply muddles and confuses the issues!
Take the invitations as a mark of respect and go with your gut instincts. Hopefully your daughter will come to the same conclusion.
PS. New chapters don’t always require a ditching of everything before!

They wouldn’t have invited you if they weren’t comfortable with you being there. So, go unless you feel uncomfortable, in which case find that you have prior engagement and sadly can’t make it....

Coming at it from another angle, when I divorced my now ex H, I did so because he had made my life hell for many years (belittling violence - slaps rather than punches - and verbal assault, he was very very good at twisting my words). My sister, who never saw that side of him, stayed in contact with him and I was bitterly hurt, although I didn't tell her. It soured our relationship for some time, and although it's now wonderful again, it still rankles. Your Dd may have been the person to end that marriage but are you truly privy as to why? There could be reasons that she may have not wanted you to know and she may, very much, not be happy if you go to this blessing. I think I'd advise having an open and honest conversation with her before you respond.

Trishj, I would say follow your gut instinct and I think your ex son in law and his new wife will appreciate your thoughtfulness.

The burning question is what would your daughter think about it? If it were my DD I’d know exactly her views however she responded!

I’ve always been very close to my ex son in law since my daughter divorced him 14 years ago and he often comes to visit us, but I don’t feel I would be comfortable going to his wedding as it’s a new start for him and his bride.
I would buy a nice wedding present and card wishing them well.