Grown up daughter another forgotten birthday

Pumpkin pie, I feel the same as you , I find it really hurtful when they don’t bother . I, like you don’t want a fuss or an all day bash ! Just a card a text a call that’s it ... But the young are so wrapped up in there own importance !.. but I bet if the shoe was on the other foot ?? they would have a melt down ...... I wish your husband a Very Happy Birthday!... and so many more .... ?....

Our Generation have an anticipation of how our children should act - and it is lovely if they meet our expectations.
However life has been so hard lately - I think we could forgive any behaviour this year - and put it down to the pandemic.
Next time it is her birthday - you could drop a little hint - that is nice to acknowledge your parent's birthdays too......
This year I am giving "everyone" the benefit of the doubt!!

My God, don’t we pussyfoot around our so-called adult kids, sometimes? My daughter loves birthdays (Valentine’s Day, Christmas, dogs’ birthdays) so I am very fortunate that she makes a massive fuss around every possible event. But in the past she has said or done things that have hurt me deeply, and if I have ever remonstrated in a diplomatic way, then I am being passive aggressive (a much overused and misunderstood expression, to my mind).
I would be hurt by this, and I would have to tell her in no uncertain terms. Or I’d ask her if she wanted to forget birthdays from now on? Like her birthday, her kids’ birthdays? Would she just prefer to not bother any more? Break the chain, so to speak? Yep, I’d show her how to really do passive aggressive. You sound lovely. I am sure Mr P had a lovely birthday with you. Sod them. Xx

So much going on at the moment maybe it just slipped her mind ......I haven't heard from my daughter for 13 years.....its her life, I have no idea why ...but as long as she is happy (I hope ) then I am happy for her ...............never did have much concern if I received a card or not .......she may have been thinking of her dad on the day .........these are difficult times and we have to understand that !

I agree with Fanny on this. I think you should tell her just how disappointed and upset her father was, and she should definitely apologise. A quick phone call or dropping off a small gift only takes a few minutes compared with the years that her father has cared for her. She knows she is in the wrong that's why she's being nasty about it.

I usually send text reminders to our sons about their father's birthday and their siblings, and cards or phone calls are received on time. Men are usually less organised about these things.

If it were me, I would be surprised but not hurt. Being hurt is a waste of time - the only one it effects is you. My daughter is completely on the ball, my son not so much! My daughter makes sure he knows well in advance of any forthcoming reasons to celebrate!!!

I am very bad at birthday remembering, but I have it sussed since I put the whole family's and friends birthdays on Google calendar with a reminder set a few days ahead to give me time to get and sometimes post, a suitable card and/or gift. It has saved my bacon many times, especially when I was working full time in a busy school office and coming home exhausted! These days I am retired, but we help my 87 yr old Mum with the garden, shopping and medical appointments, I sew a lot and am secretary of a group which meets monthly (via Zoom atm). But I don't forget birthdays because of all of this. Suggest she uses Google calendar or Alexa type thing if she has one. Technology is (sometimes!) here to help us all! Good luck and a belated happy birthday to your OH ... he's not on my Google calendar y'see!!!!

My DH’s son does this, but in his case it is deliberate - nasty man!

Does she remember your birthday? If it is just her fathers that she ignores I would ask her why that is.

Maybe she is not marking adults birthdays anymore, you will soon find out if you ignore her and her husbands birthdays.

I think there are definitely generational differences. It seems to be the same with Christmas cards and gifts and thank you letters. I wonder if, when you see next have the opportunity to talk with your daughter, it might be worth opening up on the subject of card and gift giving generally. If she isn’t of a mind to give cards and gifts, then it follows that neither should she expect to receive them. It does, though, need to be an openly discussed, explicit, and reciprocal, agreement. It seems to me to be the only way around the distress you, in my view quite appropriately, feel at the moment given the lack of reciprocity in the matter.

My MIL used to do this and I found it really annoying. A subtle hint that some member of the family was due a birthday. Surely, if that person is important enough to you then you will remember. I rarely forgot the birthdays, but now there are so many, I am seriously thinking of forgetting a few.

I'm so sorry for you and especially your husband - it used to hurt me terribly when my late husband's daughter was thoughtless and hurt him, and of course nothing you can say can make the hurt less. Frankly - I'm sorry if this sounds hurtful too - your daughter sounds like a pretty selfish piece of work. I'd honestly "forget" her birthday next time it's due. That may be the only way to demonstrate to her how much it matters. I'd be devastated if my son forgot my birthday.

Yep, I may be a little disappointed but certainly not hurt. I regard hurt as a little bit self indulgent. My non receipt of birthday acknowledgement from anyone would not stop me from recognising theirs in whatever shape or form I chose. Human frailty forgets 'things'. Maybe life is so distorted at the moment that we're getting unduly excited about the small stuff?

I feel upset for you and your husband.
Just a card and a small pressie through the door and a wave at the window would have done.
We are all in difficult times and something to show we still exist is rather special.
I have one who always does and one who is random likewise the pressies they send.
Continue to send their presents. I do Iwill not be pulled down to their thoughtless self-important level, Act with family manners as you always have done.

Sorry you have inconsiderate ACs. It was my birthday yesterday and my sons never forget. They made me so happy yesterday. I said I didn't want any gifts when they asked me a few weeks before. My younger son therefore painted my fence and shed, it now looks brand new. My older son painted my utility room and covered the stains made by a previous water leak. I was so proud and grateful to them. I live alone and am partially disabled due to a stroke. My lovely daughter in law baked me a beautiful chocolate cake. with candles. plus some lovely flowers and waited on me, socially distanced all day.
I'm sorry for anyone who gets forgotten by their children on their special day, but so glad mine never forget mine.

If your daughter actually cared a bit, she would have made the effort to remember his birthday. That’s why it’s hurtful - because it says clearly she can’t be bothered. I would ask her if she agrees to mutually not do birthdays anymore. Then if you like, just do it for the children.

I would be very very angry if my daughter forgot her father's birthday especially as it hurt him so much. We bring our children up showing them the right thing to do. Maybe you should forget her next birthday and see how she likes it.

I understand you are upset and I feel for you. Our daughter has never forgotten but I know several parents who this happens to. There are some lovely people on here who are giving reasons. Personally I don't think there's any excuse unless there has been a rift.
They are busy or broke. You can buy a card for less than 50p. Even though card shops are closed you can buy a card in the supermarket.

There is no excuse about her being ‘busy’ I’m sure that we can all remember ‘back in the day’ before technology made our lives easier.
Not only did we all work, look after our children, go out and get all of our own shopping, (I went by bus as we didn’t have 2 cars, )but we all made notes on calendars of important family dates, we then went to the shops and bought cards and wrapping paper, another shop to stand and queue for a gift, then off to queue at the Post Office to buy a stamp to post it! And your family still expected a visit on the day.....
So don’t tell me that people these days are ‘too busy’.

It feels so sad when this happens , probably just forgotten . However , it is upsetting and a bit thoughtless . As it is the second year it has happened , I would have a quiet word with her just along the lines of’ we were surprised not to catch up with you yesterday what with it being dads birthday is everything ok ? Keep it lighthearted , not accusing in any way. My son used to forget Mother’s Day purely from forgetfulness so now we have a jokey arrangement that I call him to let him know. The date!! Hope you will
Both feel better... adult children can be a bit wrapped up in themselves sometimes xxx

It’s sad, it’s thoughtless.
A card says someone cares, someone has thought about you.

I don't always get cards from do but if I do I call it a bonus family never thank me for cards and present I once ask the reply was if I have to I would rather you not send them I always phone on birthday s but never phone me on mine family eh

I'm so sorry to hear about your husbands hurt. I have always remembered my parents birthdays because that is a priority for me. I have reminded my children to send a greeting in advance. Now I have lost both of my parents and I'm so glad my values were the way they were as I have no guilt. I'm afraid for your daughter when this happens. I have seen how upset it has made others when they didn't appreciate what they had while they were still here. Tbh I was a busy parent and spouse but I still made sure I remembered. No excuses

The same happened to me two weeks ago it was my bd and I only wanted a card but didn't get one. Maybe she's forgotten all the boxes of food I bought her through the pandemic and all the other things I bought her and no I didn't buy to receive. It hurts

I think the point about is it only her father's birthday she ignores is a good one. Could there be any back story there? You also say she does more for her grandparents than her parents...more back story?