Sulky husband.

I do not have the patients to deal with sulkers they make me so angry. I feel for you especially as he is also a hypochondriac. The problem is the more you ignore sulkers the more they sulk.

I think you really need to sit him down and have a long discussion on going forward with his conditions. You need the facts, how advanced it is, what treatment is proposed, how is his sight affective so far and what to expect in the long term.

Gently explain to him that dwelling on the condition will neither make it go away or make anyone feel better. Have an action plan, established together, and support him.

I think, by going into a sulk, he's not mentally coping with the diagnosis and could be very scared.

Wishing him, and you, all the best in coping with this.

Another generalisation Phloembundle & Aepgirl men like women do not all deal with illness in the same way. My husband has been having painful treatment for cancer for some years now. He takes himself to the hospital for treatment each time and carries on with life as best he can. He is a real stoic, I am lucky to be married to a brave and kind man.

No, Aepgirl, he can't! As yet there is no cure for glaucoma. Its progress can be slowed down by the use of eye drops but that is all.

aly I was diagnosed with glaucoma many years ago. I was prescribed nightly drops with the warning never to skip them. My glaucoma has thus been managed for years and my opthalmologue assures me that the condition is stable and my sight won't deteriorate provided I stick to the regime. It's two drops a night..that's it! Men are such babies. My ex used to use trivial complaints as a controlling mechanism. Grow up Mr Aly!

It is natural that your husband is having difficulty coming to terms with a diagnosis.

Ask him nicely on Monday morning if he would like you to ring the Insurance company, or whether he will do it himself.

Alternatively, you could just ring them and then tell him that you have seen to it - do whichever is likely to bring him out of his sulks.

Why do men think that their diagnoses are more important than anyone else’s? I can understand that your husband is in shock, alt, but he can have surgery to repair the damage.

Cc I wish we were neighbours! My husband is exactly the same. Imagine how wonderful it would be if we could put them into a room to moan together, and we could go off and do other things! Bliss!

It's all about fear of the unknown and everyone acts differently. I imagine that many are feeling morose with things as they are at present without throwing something else into the mix. It's also a frustrating time because you can't get seen to or sort something out there and then as we once did.

Although I " don't do " sulkers, I'd certainly have it out with him and let him know that there were others who were worse off.

I use the drops for glaucoma, and have done for over 10 years. They don’t keep me awake. I do sometimes get dry, gritty eyes but have drops I use when I need to. He’s probably stressed about the diagnosis, and it could be that keeping him awake.

He's a man. What do you expect? The world revolves around him. My 90 year old mum has had glaucoma for years, and manages perfectly well. He will be monitored and treated very well by his local hospital.

Thank you everyone for your different and helpful responses. He is worried that he may go blind and the fact that it was diagnosed in March at a general eye test and he was not able to see a specialist until November due to Covid, by which time it had become much worse, did not help. He is a bit of a hypochondriac, obviously not this time, and most of the lockdown has been suffering from some ailment or other. Sometimes life threatening and sometimes trivial. He has always been a sulker too so I should be used to it and know when to hold my tongue or hide my eyerolls. Perhaps I should do them behind his back as suggested when I feel particularly frustrated. Thank you Grandmaz for the information re Moorfields Eye Hospital. I will suggest that he gives them a ring. I am not without sympathy and we have discussed this extensively. He has eyedrops which he puts in at night but he says that they stop him from sleeping and he lies awake for most of the night. Has anyone else had experience of this. Thanks again for your responses.

I was married to a sulker . Took me twenty years to realise it wasn’t me and he didn’t need a reason. We’ve met up since the divorce eleven years ago and he still sulks. I’ve moved on and time you did too. This life is the only one you are going to get and you deserve to have sunshine in it every day.

Aly, I am surprised you have classed your husband as ‘sulking’, surely the poor man has taken himself off to lick his wounds. People can go very quiet and into their own thoughts without sulking. As someone who spent every day for 7 years talking bowel movements, surgery, cancer and dying with my husband I cannot understand how you only gave your husband two weeks before you got fed up. Yes I know it’s tedious and wearing but the poor man needs support and a lot of it. He will be feeling lost, scared and downright petrified of his future. If the roles were reversed how would you be feeling? Good luck, I hope you can both get over this and have a lovely future together.

My father lived in fear of giving up his driving license, and I saw the anxiety just the thought of this brought.
Maybe your husband is afraid not only if the illness but of the ramifications to his and your life?
Loss of independence is a struggle for most of us, but possibly worse for men?

Although I can see how difficult this is for you.
Can you take more breaks away from him, covid restrictions withstanding?
Also tell him your worried about it too. Maybe he will have a different perspective if he realizes he has to co sider your feelings as well?

How about getting a written info leaflet that you can refer him back to. My mother, and millions of others, live with Glaucoma and the treatment which aims to keep it under control so driving etc. are not compromised. He would wise to inform the insurance company though as if hwe were to have an accident (regardless of fault) and they didn't know his policy could be void

My husband was diagnosed with glaucoma but because of the long delays locally accessing any treatments he went privately. His diagnosis changed and after treatment he is fine.

Might be worth a private appointment - might help your husband accept the diagnosis or go forward. Husband got the treatments for the new diagnosis on the nhs which surprised me.

When I was 19 back in the 70’s, I took a job as assistant to local dentist, I was gobsmacked from day one discovering how grown up men reacted to pain or slight discomfort. It disillusioned me no end from such young age, I was so shocked and the dentist (elderly man) laughed at my innocence. I’m in my 60’s now and don’t imagine anything has changed.

Some really good posts here.

The poor man is probably worried sick, may be catastrophising and thinking of the worst case scenario in his head
A little compassion is needed and perhaps help him to find out more about his prognosis.
It probably has been difficult to listen to him going on about it, but he sounds as if he is quite hurt.

Izabella, I'm so glad to see you posting and totally agree with your wise post.

I agree with Mollycuddler

Men and women are oh so different,that`s why we complement each other.
Sulking doesn`t help and neither does rolling your eyes.
I feel you are both a little worried.
That being said i do wonder if i married Dot Cotton.

Glaucoma is a very common condition and if newly diagnosed will be treatable. The DVLA lists it as a condition you must inform them about, so if he drives he must use the appropriate form to declare it. This in no way means he loses his driving licence but it will be on record. That done, his motor insurers will need to be advised as well. Let him sulk, but take these steps to put things in place so that there are no repercussions. My mother lived with the condition for many years and had daily eye drops, and lived to be 90. My brother in law is the same and his health has not suffered in any way so your husband can be reassured that he will be looked after and has a future to look forward to. Tell him you understand his worry but it’s not the end of the world. And take him out for a bracing walk to look at the wonderful world around us. Just force him out of his self-pity for his own good.

I don't know if it's a man thing, but they do seem to have a one track mind if something affects their health.
If he has otherwise been healthy, something like this must have knocked him sideways and he is no doubt thinking of the worst case scenario.
The thing with glaucoma is that when diagnosed early enough, it is controllable and when I worked in an opticians, I came across several people that had it and were in "blissful" ignorance.
Hopefully he will get bored of the lack of response - after the "you don't care about me" phase and the two of you can take advantage of the advice that has or will be given to him by his consultant and then move forward.

Hundreds of thousands of people have glaucoma well controlled by drugs and their eyesight is maintained lifelong. Only a minority need surgery and a tiny number will lose sight, mainly because they have not been for checkups or used their eyedrops etc. My Dad (95) has had glaucoma for over 30 years. The glaucoma has always been well-controlled by drops and he attends an annual review at Ophthalmology. That's all. As first degree relatives, we children have free annual eye tests, so we are not unaware of the risks. Aly's DH needs to calm down. It sounds as if she has said all there is to say about the subject, and I don't blame her for not wanting to say any more. People with health anxiety are not helped by interminable discussion, and are often made worse.

I'm with Aly on this. I really cannot bear sulking and other passive aggressive "communication" styles.