Pandemic could damage friendships

Thx Valerie's for taking the time to post an understanding and thoughtful message. We always took out our diaries after we had our chat and coffee and arranged our next meeting and often she would remember that before I would. She has responded to my texts that I sent at beginning of lockdown but never initiated one . I waited but nothing came and it's now 3 months. Its hard when you don't know a person to give advice but it has helped to get it off my chest and read all the lovely posts.

It is tricky, isn’t it?
At the start of lockdown I was in regular phone or email correspondence with two of my choir friends, but I have heard nothing from either of them for weeks now. With one, I think it is just that we have no news, the other goes away quite a lot normally so maybe she is away. Only one friend has kept in regular contact by WhatsApp but apart from her and my daughter, nobody else has been in touch.
If I make the next move I feel people will think I am too needy, and I do t want to impose.

I have friends i can go without seeing for months then when we get together it`s like we were together just yesterday.
We start off as we left off and usually in hysterics.
Time doesn`t matter if you have true friends.
Call her as she maybe feeling the same.

My dearest, closest friend - the person I can say anything to, no topic off limits - lives over 400 miles away. We met in 1972; she lives in Edinburgh, I live in a small town outside London (although we both lived in Glasgow when we met). Over the years we have both had busy lives and haven't met face to face too often, but we schedule a weekly phone call which is seldom less than two hours and there's always so much to say!

Now that we are both retired she visits for a week every year which is wonderful. So I don't agree that friendships slide without in-person connection -you just have to make sure you keep that spark going by whatever means.

Callistemon

Swallow your pride and pick up the phone

I know Brandygran mentioned “pride” but I do think fear of rejection might be at the root of this sort of thing.
Since being widowed I find it harder to initiate contact in case I am seen as being “needy” or accommodated out of pity - but while Paw was alive, if a friend wasn’t free, I never gave it a second thought - whereas now? Well rejection can feed into loneliness and is frankly harder to take.

I do know what you mean, MawB.
I'm just wondering why a friend who bombarded me with texts at the start of lockdown has stopped sending them. They came for a self-distanced cuppa, we seemed to have a good time and we were invited back "some time" but so far zilch.

You've tried BrandyGran. I know what you mean. Let it go.

Callistemon, the same thing has happened to me, with two people. I'm trying not to be bothered by it. But I'm a bit guilty too of not keeping contact.
Other people have said the same thing. I guess it's just maybe people don't have much to talk about now, are maybe slightly depressed or are becoming a bit apathetic.
Perhaps we will slowly get back to normal and feel more sociable again.

I hope so as I am reluctant to leave my comfort zone.
Another friend, however, can't wait and has been out and about, on holiday, meeting friends and shopping.

Perhaps people change and we realise what and who is really importnant in life and let go of the utter dross.

Don't think that is a bad thing. New start for you.

Brandygran I do think that can happen unless we are proactive.
You could find there is a good reason eg a friend has been ill but didn't tell you, events may overtake but also sometimes we can just drift.
Where has this summer gone?

I've gone right off a selfish friend who took little notice of lockdown or social distancing. She carried on pretty much as normal - so it'd be too risky to meet up - and I've lost all respect for her.

At the beginning of lockdown I made a list to remind myself of who and when I had phoned various friends/acquaintances. Only one has bothered to call me. After making three calls to each over the weeks I have now given up.
I don't think they do not like me, I think it is because they cannot be bothered and are surrounded by family whereas I am not.
To be honest I am feeling hurt and neglected, but I will not chase them anymore as I feel that would make me look needy.

The pandemic put everything in perspective - how to work from home, relationships, grocery shopping, need for companionship (or not), etc.

I feel pandemic has made our lives much more practical, getting rid of fluff and social obligations we had before.

As for friendships - it is hard to realize who is really your friend or not.

I was lucky enough to have weekly Zoom calls with my friends for months before we could meet.

Our whatapps may be silent for 2 weeks and on fire later.

If this lady is not truly your friend, you've better off without her. Better knowing now where she stands than needing her later and she is not there for you.

People blow hot and cold all the time. I had a very close friendship, I haven’t heard from her since last October. I’ve messaged her etc, have got no reply whatsoever, I saw something this morning on fb From her, (not to me) so I know she is still around. Given up now, I thought obviously that I was more important in her life than she did. A friendship of over 20 years and she’s just gone with no explanation.