Husband’s Indifference.

What does AIBU mean in this thread? Is there a list of abbreviations/acronyms I can access. I am new to gransnet and am finding it difficult to make sense of posts. Also what is DH?

If you look above the thread title, Gwyneth, you will see the word Acronyms. Click on that to see what the abbreviations mean.

AIBU stands for Am I Being Unreasonable.

Baggs thank you very much I’ll do that much appreciated.

Acronyms.....Feels like a whole new world has been opened to me!!!

? Yep!

When I had cancer, mine said 'well it's not REALLY serious is it'?
I know he loves me, he just can't deal with health matters, and isn't a man of words. However every time I've been seriously ill, he's rushed out to buy something special, it's his way.
Now when he stubs his toe, you'd think he was at deaths door!

Londonwifi I hope you've got the correct antibiotics and you're feeling better now.
One question- why were you in the kitchen and not lying on the sofa, jug of water to hand, moaning how you were in pain and couldn't possibly cook?

He probably heard, but doesn't listen. There is a difference.
Yes, it's taken me a long time to realise that, Marydoll. I can ask DH to repeat what I said and he can repeat it word for word but hasn't processed it.

Whilst sympathising with the posters here I am confirmed in my long held belief that boy children are genetically programmed to tune out female voices since their early years are likely to be dominated by women. By the time they are seven or eight most boys can ignore mothers and teachers with ease whilst male sports teachers and coaches can be heard perfectly. Not sure there is an answer!

Occasionally I might mention that I had a headache/earache/toothache/whatever. DH then tells me about his whatever with no comment whatsoever about my complaint. I think a lot of men only hear what they want to hear and switch off at all other times!

My Mum once gave me a very good piece of advice - "men take no notice of what you SAY, it's what you DO that hits home". So, basically if you say you're ill, but carry on doing all the usual things, it just won't register. What you have to do is to give up, go upstairs and lie down and don't do dinner, or anything-else. Or, as a friend of mine once did when her husband was ignoring her illness, throw a piece of crockery across the kitchen (it smashed on the wall a couple of feet from him). Husband finally looked up from his newspaper. "Is something wrong??" It had taken 3 days for him to ask that.

If I say anything about not being well or I’ve hurt myself, my husband immediately regales me with a story about how he had exactly the same thing, how it made him feel, what he did about it, and how much worse it was for him. Then he asks what’s for dinner “because time’s getting on”!

Just to lower the tone; urine infection? Maybe he knows his sex life is down the drain for a bit?
Get well soon?

I can sympathise with your problem but I am writing to warm anyone who gets Urinary infections often. I did and had bladder cancer, luckily in early stages and it went away. However. I did keep getting the infections, cured by antibiotics and the consultant I went to did not do a scan and I ended up with kidney cancer and my left kidney had to be removed. I belong to groups of people with kidney problems but all I want to do here is to ask anyone who regularly gets infections to make sure proper testing takes place. I ended up being taken to university college hospital with Sepsis before mine had to be paid proper attention. I am ancient 86 so I just hope my remaining kidney deteriorates slowly but I know many of you are relatively young so please take care!

Hope you feel better soon. xx

He's a bloke. We don't do general sympathetic support. Ask for something specific. 'I feel really rough. Can you make me a cup of tea?' That'll get a response.

I’m so glad I don’t have a husband. Lonely sometimes but worth it.

Londonwifi I hope you are feeling better by now?
Could your husband's response (lack of) be hereditary? I had a health scare, heart related - 6 days in hospital later and come out with a clean bill of health (something heart related happened but hasn't re-occurred in 20 years). My MIL response was that I probably had indigestion!!!!
My husband is the same, I used to say I'm going to hospital for tests......no response.....
But then he has a serious disease and thinks nothing is wrong with him (there's plenty!!).
Is it down to knowledge and interest?

Think its a man thing,have to hear about there problems.I just keep quite if i have a problem now

Baggs....I can't see where "acronyms" is listed above the thread title? I too, struggle with these abbreviations and would like an explanation. I can't see where you mean?

The Acronym heading is at the top left of this page, under Active, Flygirl

I have to agree with almost all of the posts on this thread .

I’m currently juggling a small business and 5 employees, a poorly husband, 2 children and the childcare of 4 grandchildren and an elderly father. I have MS and various other heath issues of my own . But I have proved I can do it .

I hope you are on the mend now OP. Did your husband show any empathy eventually?

Sorry to hear about your UTI,I used to have them frequently until I took a probiotic every day,miracle cure.Re husbands,they have very selective hearing,sport hear everything,wife talks don’t hear/ remember anything,been looked after too well by mother and then wife,take to your bed or lock yourself in the loo,take care.

They bury their heads in the sand, scared witless that they will 'have to cope'. Ignore it long enough and it will go away attitude.
If they sneeze more than twice - its a cold or flu but you can be feeling like veritable death warmed up taking the strongest possible anti-biotics (described by the emergency doctor as strong enough to treat a horse, plus pain killers, lungs crackling, firmly instructed by GP to rest & sleep, taking nothing more than iced water and lo and behold they tell the relatives you 'have a bit of a sniffle & you're taking it easy on the sofa' - I think it's in the genes. It's strangely comforting to know that my DH isn't alone in this :-)

My hubby is similar, only his stock answer if I say my arthritis is playing up ( I am in pain most days with joint pain and it's getting worse as I get older) "oh my shoulder is the same, but you don't hear me moaning"!!.
I try to bite my tongue now and not even mention aches and pains, but sometimes I open my mouth before I think......stupid me. I am almost 70 and was diagnosed with osteoarthritis at 27, after we were married so it has been an ongoing illness.