Second marriage issues

It could simply be natural hormonal changes that have killed his sex drive. It happens to quite a few women, too.
This can lead to totally all avoiding non-sexual closeness, because they lead to the partner wanting more than is on offer.

Once that sexual drive has totally gone, both physically and mentally, you are probably no more likely to reawaken it in that person than you are to 'awaken' it in a pre-pubescent child, and the thought of non-penetrative acts can have become as unpleasant as the full act, regardless of how much that person loves their partner.

It is not a deliberate choice, but no amount of parading around in sexy lingerie - or birthday suit - is going to change that.

Each individual case is different, and obviously it's best that the 'sufferer' is checked out at an early stage to see if there is a clear cause that can be remedied, but that is not always possible.

Might be worth starting a new thread faringdon.

Hi, I think I'm posting on the correct thread regarding my present issue.
11 years ago I divorced after about 5 years of separation and what was a 31 year marriage.
Three adult sons, the eldest of which is my step son from husbands first marriage.
My middle son called last night to say he father has just got engaged and they thought I should be told.
He has been with his new partner 12 years, he is 70 and she is 56.
However, since the call I have felt dreadful. Stunned, in a state of grief and hardly slept more than 2 hours last night.
Already fairly low prior to this due to COVID, not working, living off my savings and facing a possible Christmas alone and without seeing my g/children.
Any advice?

Might he notice if you walk round the bed in interesting lingerie or nothing it all?

Probably not, as he seems to be settling down to old age rather too soon,

Lack of demonstrated affection is much harder to bear than lack of sex - that after all you could take care of on your own or with outside help.

If you feel you can manage without sex if he would only show affection, tell him so.

A lot of men have erection problems; many find that Viagra or Cialis don't work for them (either non-effective or cause headaches). There is a mechanical alternative called a penis ring - it's either a stretchy band of silicon or a (unstretchy) ring of stainless steel. I have no experience of the latter but the former is stretched around base of the penis and testicles when semi-erect (so body one side, pensi and testicles the other), and helps to maintain the erection by slowing down the rate at which blood leaves the penis.

From my own experience (on the receiving end) it works. Buy from Lovehoney online if you don't want to go into a shop.

Should be removed after sex.

Grandad1943 is right. My husband of 40 plus years was diagnosed with prostrate cancer in 2016. He was urinating frequently & had to go through tests MRI, embarrassing physical examinations. We were able to talk about his problems. He was given a series of radiation treatments plus he was on 3 years of hormone injections every 3 months which made his sex drive non existent. I can not empathise more than with men and their partners facing this problem. I’m so glad that we were able to discuss his problem early on. Who know what would have happened to him if we hadn’t talked it all through and faced it together.

I think Grandad has the right advice. Health problems have to be sorted out before both of you discuss where you go from here. I would be more bothered about the separate room not lack of sex but of closeness,

Viagra is not the only way!
Am suspicious of chemical means if they can be avoided. Also it takes time to act, there are other methods that can provide assistance in minutes, even seconds, to put the icing on the cake.
If he is diabetic, the Doctor can prescribe devices that can help with ED. Even if he is not, if he has performance worries, such things can be bought, ranging from simple to more sophisticated battery powered.
DO talk about it and be sympathetic. Give every encouragement.
Set out to seduce him.
Try to make it fun.
Can you manage a night, or more, away from home, on your own when you are both relaxed, with time on your hands?
Nine on a Friday night in the bedroom is not the only time and place, There are lots of places around the house, when there are just the two of you around.
Share a shower, or encourage him to soap your back, when in the bath, and don't limit the territory!
Don't be in a rush to get dressed afterwards.
Men are visual, so pretty, colourful, undies, stockings etc will help, so do put on a display.

Whatever you do, do NOT allude to any difficulties. Just give any sort of encouragement, and do not rush.
If you do not at first succeed!
He may well enjoy both of you having an extended run up to the main event.
It may take time to reach the eventual goal, but keep taking steps along the way.
Praising Caesar is a good start towards burying him

I completely understand where you're coming from. I'm 50 and my partner is 12 years younger than me. I am a widow (just for a bit of background info).
His drive is nowhere as high as mine and I have also felt unloved, unattractive and neglected as love making is like once a month.
It has been a real bug bear for me in our relationship, especially as he doesn't want to talk about it!
I have had to settle for hugs, holding hands and kisses instead of what I really want. It has been so hard (pardon the pun!)
He has recently started cbt for something else and he has disclosed to me that he feels sad all the time and has done way before he met me.
This has at least given me some answers as part of depression is the lack of libido.
As someone has already mentioned, your husband may have some sort of a medical problem too.
All the best x

Sorry for posting to wrong thread yesterday, I have tried to delete from this one, but can not find a way to do so.

Cookie Monster, I agree with Sodapop, it was unreasonable for your husband not to have told you he was asexual before you married. It’s bad enough for me to be forced into celibacy at the age of 70 but at your age, 54, I think I would have serious doubts about spending the rest of my life celibate. Sorry to have gone ‘off piste’ from original post!

Absolutely DO NOT give your husband Viagra without his knowledge. Apart from the ethical issues, there are significant medical risks.

Heart disease is a very common problem in men over 50. If they present to hospital with chest pain, one of the first interventions is to give nitroglycerin to help open coronary arteries. If a man has taken Viagra or related drugs within 24-72 hours (depending on the individual drug), giving nitroglycerin can cause a severe and potentially dangerous drop in blood pressure. If your husband suddenly had a heart attack, and you weren't around, and he didn't know he'd been given Viagra, it could have serious consequences.

Cookiemonster that was very unfair of your husband not to tell you he was asexual before you married. I would be having second thoughts about a marriage like this, apart from no sex it's based on dishonesty. I hope you can find a happier life.

Think you may be on the wrong thread here Seajaye

I am looking for ideas for forth coming birthday present for 7 year old grandson, who has said he would like a surprise but not Lego or sports related stuff. He's not a huge reader and has 8 year old and 18 month old brothers. I would normally spend around £50.00 but might go to £75.00. any ideas gratefully received.

AJKW

Slip some viagra in his tea, it will be like a grate carrot by morning ?

Taking an improper dosage of viagra can cause severe problems to any man's penis which will require immediate medical attention if permanent damage or even death is to be avoided.

Viagra must be avoided when taking quite a wide range of other medications commonly prescribed for health maintenance in older people.

It is good to know that you would find such a situation amusing AJKW.

I doubt medicating someone without the patient's consent is legal or ethical

Slip some viagra in his tea, it will be like a grate carrot by morning ?

Spangler

Alexa

Maybe offer to suck, blow, show off, tell exciting stories, mutual masturbation, do it before a meal?

I was thinking of something along the same lines only caution told me that best wait until I'm better known.

Piperly, does he have a fetish? There's not a red blooded man that I know who isn't rendered gaga by his lady donning stockings and suspender belt.

I must sadly inform you that this particular red-blooded man, though he appreciates the intention and tries to keep a straight face, just finds complicated underwear hilarious.

The other suggestions are fine :-) (Fairly standard foreplay though, surely?)

And while he is at the Dr’s, make sure he gets tested for Thyroid Function too. Underactive thyroid is quite common and is easily diagnosed, and the symptoms include general lethargy as well as more complex problems.

Buy him some viagra.

Esspee, the prostate was taken out, and as for DIY, thats a no much prefer gardening.

Thank you all for your honesty especially the original post. Closeness is incredibly important, if that’s what we want. I’m sad so many find themselves, like me, emotionally isolated and emotionally lonely. I’ve told no one about my situation, it’s been helpful sharing with you all.
Again thank you.

Depression and/or Anxiety about anything can create significant sex problems for men and women, at any time, but often around mid life, when worries about employment, relationship, health, and financial security in retirement are coupled with homonal changes and getting getting older and weight gain, as often these are impacting together. Grandad1943 is right to flag up possible physical issues but mental health is just as important. Many men do find it hard to seek help and often don't want to risk failing or feeling embarrased, and sometimes see 'opting out' as a way of avoiding the issue. Try to get some professional help as a couple if you can. In my experience male GPs are often more sympathetic when dealing with male libido issues, compared to dealing with female menopausal issues . Viagra is available much more easily than any form of female HRT. Viagra however only provides an erection if the man is sexually aroused. It won't work if there is no desire/arousal.
I hope you can resolve the issue. Try not to make to big an issue of it if you can.

Make the most of what your getting, or get yourself a vibrator. Only joking.??